[Copypasta] Day 2 without sports

twitchquotes: Day 2 without sports: Found a young lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she’s my wife. She seems nice. Apparently we also have 2 kids.
twitch chat
March 2020

Coronavirus

COVID

NBA, MLB, and NHL seasons suspended due to coronavirus
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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I wore a mask at Target today

I wore a mask at Target today. Three of my lungs collapsed as I got carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing in my own bacteria. A brave patriot wearing an Affliction shirt, a MAGA hat, and sweet wrap around sunglasses saved me by giving me CPR. I thanked him and asked if he was a doctor and he said "who needs doctors when we have our fellow Americans, the ones who are here legally I mean." I hugged him and threw my mask on the ground. The Star Spangled Banner played on the speaker system as everyone in the store ripped off their masks and threw them on the ground, chanting "down with communism!" God, Jesus, and all the angels looked down upon us from Heaven and clapped.
June 2020

Coronavirus

COVID

Got my cans of spam for quarantine

twitchquotes: ⣿⣿⡿⠋⣭⣭⢹⡍⠉⣭⡍⠻⡿⡉⠹⣿⣯⠉⠉⣿⡟⠉⢩⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡀⠈⠉⠛⠇⠀⠛⣁⣴⠳⠿⠀⢹⣿⢠⡀⠘⢬⠀⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⠻⠿⠇⣀⠆⠀⢿⣿⡇⢾⣿⡆⠀⠻⠸⣷⣤⡿⠀⠸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠋⣭⣭⢹⡍⠉⣭⡍⠻⡿⡉⠹⣿⣯⠉⠉⣿⡟⠉⢩⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡀⠈⠉⠛⠇⠀⠛⣁⣴⠳⠿⠀⢹⣿⢠⡀⠘⢬⠀⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⠻⠿⠇⣀⠆⠀⢿⣿⡇⢾⣿⡆⠀⠻⠸⣷⣤⡿⠀⠸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠋⣭⣭⢹⡍⠉⣭⡍⠻⡿⡉⠹⣿⣯⠉⠉⣿⡟⠉⢩⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡀⠈⠉⠛⠇⠀⠛⣁⣴⠳⠿⠀⢹⣿⢠⡀⠘⢬⠀⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⠻⠿⠇⣀⠆⠀⢿⣿⡇⢾⣿⡆⠀⠻⠸⣷⣤⡿⠀⠸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠋⣭⣭⢹⡍⠉⣭⡍⠻⡿⡉⠹⣿⣯⠉⠉⣿⡟⠉⢩⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡀⠈⠉⠛⠇⠀⠛⣁⣴⠳⠿⠀⢹⣿⢠⡀⠘⢬⠀⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⠻⠿⠇⣀⠆⠀⢿⣿⡇⢾⣿⡆⠀⠻⠸⣷⣤⡿⠀⠸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠋⣭⣭⢹⡍⠉⣭⡍⠻⡿⡉⠹⣿⣯⠉⠉⣿⡟⠉⢩⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡀⠈⠉⠛⠇⠀⠛⣁⣴⠳⠿⠀⢹⣿⢠⡀⠘⢬⠀⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⠻⠿⠇⣀⠆⠀⢿⣿⡇⢾⣿⡆⠀⠻⠸⣷⣤⡿⠀⠸⣿⣿ Got my cans of spam for quarantine
twitch chat
March 2020

Coronavirus

COVID

⚠️WARNING⚠️ cock inspection is NOT required at the vaccination sites!!!! don't be tricked like me!!

So I was waiting in line to receive my vaccine when all of a sudden this medical "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my patient registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm patient identity. Because I thought he was a medical official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I received the vaccine I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy vaccinating!
August 2021

Coronavirus

COVID

Vaccines

Will you be my Quaran-TINE?

twitchquotes: Dear Streamer, please forgive my fever and the coughing of my lungs. Ever since I first entered stream I fell for the way you entertained and captivated the chat. I adored the way you practiced social distancing, responsibly purchased toilet paper, and wore a mask at all times. It is so contagious! Everything that I have witnessed has made my body ache for your pathogens. As your simping loyal petri dish, will you be my Quaran-TINE?
twitch chat
March 2020

Simps

Coronavirus

COVID

coronaS

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣫⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠳⢿⣿⠟⣛⡽⠿⠛⠟⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⠋⡏⢱⠄⣀⣀⣤⣀⣁⠨⢻⡅⠐⠌⡈⠊⢏⠉⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢁⠅⣨⠖⠋⠉⠀⡰⠬⠩⠙⠲⢷⠶⢖⠒⠒⢚⡻⠶⠿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣫⡞⢰⠉⡀⠀⠀⢔⣨⠴⠒⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⠓⢦⡨⠖⠒⠚⠛⠛⠓⠚⠿⣟⣿ ⡿⢻⠃⡇⢈⠦⣡⠖⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣄⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣦⡀⠈⢿ ⠗⡈⠀⠊⠁⠀⣉⣛⡢⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠚⠃⠀⣠⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠋⢀⣠⣾ ⠀⠑⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠓⠯⢵⣶⣶⣖⠒⣬⡭⠞⠉⢉⠉⠉⠉⣉⠉⢍⣷⣿⣿ ⠳⡀⠀⠉⠢⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠴⠚⠉⠀⠀⠙⠓⢦⡶⠶⢖⠺⣯⢿⣿⣿ ⣄⠈⢷⣄⠀⠈⠳⣄⣠⠤⠤⠤⠤⢤⣥⣀⣀⣠⣀⡤⠤⠤⠭⠁⠐⠒⠛⢿⣿⣿ ⡈⠑⣦⠈⠳⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿ ⠛⢦⡀⠑⠨⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿ ⠀⠈⠙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣼⣿⣿ ⢥⣄⣀⡠⠬⠲⠦⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠙⠒⠿⢭⣿⣓⣲⠶⠶⠬⠭⠭⠿⠿⠶⠶⠶⣶⡶⢶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
March 2020

Coronavirus

COVID

Pepe

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