[Copypasta] Tesla is restarting production today

twitchquotes: Tesla is restarting production today against Alameda County rules. I will be on the line with everyone else. If anyone is arrested, I ask that it only be me.
twitch chat
May 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

She sells seashells on a seashore, but the value of these shells will fall

She sells seashells on a seashore But the value of these shells will fall Due to the laws of supply and demand No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island stockpile 'em high until they're rarer than a diamond Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin want 'em Hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven't got a shell then you're just a fucking waste man Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property, start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly ""Shells must sell"", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals they're a poor man's quality Four: expand, expand, expand, clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand Five: why just shells? Why limit your self? She sells seashells, sell oil as well! Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks, sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes, Run to be the president of the United States Eight: big smile mate, big wave that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate Nine: Polarize the people, controversy is the game It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name Ten: the world is yours, step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore And you sell seashells on the seashore.
August 2021

Just as the founding fathers intended

I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
November 2020

Principle of explosion

We know that "Not all lemons are yellow", as it has been assumed to be true. We know that "All lemons are yellow", as it has been assumed to be true. Therefore, the two-part statement "All lemons are yellow OR unicorns exist" must also be true, since the first part "All lemons are yellow" of the two-part statement is true (as this has been assumed). However, since we know that "Not all lemons are yellow" (as this has been assumed), the first part is false, and hence the second part must be true.
August 2021

Emoji move emoji review

twitchquotes: A ๐Ÿ‘Œ whole ๐Ÿ’ฆ town ๐Ÿช of ๐Ÿ’ฆ beings, ๐Ÿ‘€ confined to ๐Ÿ’ฆ feeling ๐Ÿ˜œ one ๐Ÿ˜ค emotion their ๐Ÿ† entire ๐Ÿ‘ life. ๐Ÿ‘ค That ๐Ÿ˜ could ๐Ÿ”’ honestly ๐Ÿ‘ be ๐Ÿ the ๐Ÿ‘ focus of ๐Ÿ’ฆ an ๐Ÿ‘น entire ๐Ÿ‘ movie, ๐ŸŽฅ but ๐Ÿ‘ in ๐Ÿ‘ the ๐Ÿ‘ emoji ๐Ÿ˜‚ movie ๐ŸŽฅ that's ๐Ÿ˜ฆ just ๐Ÿ‘ the ๐Ÿ‘ world ๐ŸŒŽ they ๐Ÿ‘ฅ live ๐Ÿ™… in, ๐Ÿ‘ and ๐Ÿ‘ yet ๐Ÿ˜‡ these ๐Ÿ‘ˆ beings ๐Ÿ‘€ don't ๐Ÿšซ question ๐Ÿ˜ฉ it ๐Ÿ’ฏ and ๐Ÿ‘ carry ๐Ÿ”› on ๐Ÿ”› their ๐Ÿ† lives ๐Ÿ“ด as ๐Ÿ‘ normal... ๐Ÿ˜ the ๐Ÿ‘ emoji ๐Ÿ˜‚ movie ๐ŸŽฅ takes ๐Ÿ˜‰ a ๐Ÿ‘Œ far ๐ŸŒŒ more ๐Ÿ— subtle ๐Ÿ™ˆ approach ๐Ÿ˜œ meaning critics probably ๐Ÿ˜ป didn't ๐Ÿšซ notice the ๐Ÿ‘ strong ๐Ÿ’ช existential themes present ๐Ÿ’ฒ in ๐Ÿ‘ the ๐Ÿ‘ film upon ๐Ÿ‘ฆ first ๐Ÿ‘† viewing.
twitch chat
July 2017

Emoji Pasta

I hate Among Us

I can't fucking take it. I see an image of a random object posted and then I see it, I fucking see it. "Oh that looks kinda like the among us guy" it started as. That's funny, that's a cool reference. But I kept going, I'd see a fridge that looked like among us, I'd see an animated bag of chips that looked like among us, I'd see a hat that looked like among us. And every time I'd burst into an insane, breath deprived laugh staring at the image as the words AMOGUS ran through my head. It's torment, psychological torture, I am being conditioned to laugh maniacly any time I see an oval on a red object. I can't fucking live like this... I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't! And don't get me fucking started on the words! I'll never hear the word suspicious again without thinking of among us. Someone does something bad and I can't say anything other than "sus." I could watch a man murder everyone I love and all I would be able to say is "red sus" and laugh like a fucking insane person. And the word "among" is ruined. The phrase "among us" is ruined. I can't live anymore. Among us has destroyed my fucking life. I want to eject myself from this plane of existence. MAKE IT STOP!
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Text-to-Speech Playing