[Copypasta] I fucking hate Stuart Little

twitchquotes: I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn rodent to hell with me. Stuart Little has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Stuart. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.
twitch chat
May 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Bernie Sanders chicken nuggest

Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a fucking breakdown. I don't want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a future to believe in. I want Bernie to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in New York???? This is so fucked.
April 2018

2016 US Election

Hi Kripp, it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. I heard you are trying to play other games when we need you here at Skyrim to clean up the dragons. Quit what you are doing right now and come join me as the new Whiterun Thane. My axe is ready as your reward.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Robinhood halts trading on President's Day

This is bullshit. I’m disgusted and I’m honestly on the verge of having a mental fucking breakdown. Robinhood has once again halted trading. But this time it’s halted on all stocks. This fine Monday morning I wake up to find that all orders aren’t going to be filled till tomorrow morning. My dad’s wife’s girlfriend is a powerful lawyer in Boca Raton and I’m seriously considering retaining her services and filing a class action lawsuit against these citadel dick munchers. This has happened to me too many times. I’m low key spiraling into madness. Donate to me on onlyfans if you want to contribute towards the legal fees. She’s giving me a pretty kickass discount, but she estimates it’s still going to cost $150k. This happens to be the amount I lost on gme, but this is not relevant to the conversation here. It’s time to rise up and take down robinhood once and for all. Also, yeah my stepmom has a girlfriend. It’s 2021 you bigots.
February 2021

WallStreetBets

Cyberpunk 2077 Keanu Reeves

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February 2021

Reporting a streamer named "TSM_Kripp"

twitchquotes: Hello twitch admins. I am here to report a streamer named "TSM_Kripp". She is currently violating the new twitch rules, and is constantly moaning suggestively in her stream. I am trying to watch her game but she just keeps yelling "TOPDICK" or "INSANE" after she gets rekt. Please take action against her as soon as you can. Thank you.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing