[Copypasta] I fucking hate Stuart Little

twitchquotes: I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn rodent to hell with me. Stuart Little has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Stuart. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.
twitch chat
May 2020
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Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? I’m 6.

This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

not gonna lie low-key kinda cringe

twitchquotes: Although I am very reluctant to do so, I am very sorry to inform you, sir, that the statement that you have just made through the use of online means in the format of a picture, video, message of text, or a combination of the three, is partially, somewhat, relatively, incompletely, fractionally, slightly - a miniscule degree of not gonna lie low-key kinda cringe.
twitch chat
June 2019

Only the chosen can ride this beautiful elephant

twitchquotes: PogChamp only the chosen can ride this beautiful elephant RNCelephant
twitch chat
August 2016
Reynad

Anime girl 13 (Ahegao)

⣿⣿⣷⡁⢆⠈⠕⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢔⢂⢕⢄⠂⣂⠂⠆⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂ ⣿⣿⣿⡷⠊⡢⡹⣦⡑⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⠕⠔⠌⠝⠛⠶⠶⢶⣦⣄⢂⢕⢂⢕ ⣿⣿⠏⣠⣾⣦⡐⢌⢿⣷⣦⣅⡑⠕⠡⠐⢿⠿⣛⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠡⢷⡈⢂⢕⢂ ⠟⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣑⠝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡵⢁⣤⣶⣶⣿⢿⢿⢿⡟⢻⣤⢑⢂ ⣾⣿⣿⡿⢟⣛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣦⣬⣙⣻⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⢟⢝⢕⢕⢕⢕⢽⣿⣿⣷⣔ ⣿⣿⠵⠚⠉⢀⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣗⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢷⣂⣠⣴⣾⡿⡿⡻⡻⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣵⣵⣵⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿ ⢌⠻⣿⡿⡫⡪⡪⡪⡪⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃ ⠣⡁⠹⡪⡪⡪⡪⣪⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠐⢉⢍⢄⢌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠈ ⡣⡘⢄⠙⣾⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢐⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠠⠈ ⠌⢊⢂⢣⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢐⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⢅⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⢜⠠⠈ ⠄⠁⠕⢝⡢⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣕⣑⣑⣑⣵⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⢔⢕⣿⠠⠈ ⠨⡂⡀⢑⢕⡅⠂⠄⠉⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⢔⢕⢕⣿⣿⠠⠈ ⠄⠪⣂⠁⢕⠆⠄⠂⠄⠁⡀⠂⡀⠄⢈⠉⢍⢛⢛⢛⢋⢔⢕⢕⢕⣽⣿⣿⠠⠈
ascii art
May 2020

Weebs

Classic

Bear King Burry vs TSLA

Bear King Michael Burry in the ring, slappin TSLA with a metal chair. His glass eye open wide with rage as he batters TSLA relentlessly. "The valuation..." crunch "makes...." crunch "NO.... " crunch "SENSE!" he roars with maniacal autistic glee. TSLA struggles for the edge of the ring, but coughs blood as each hit lands, and eventually stops moving. Bear King Burry drops the chair. Bear King Burry turns to the crowd "Was this your champion!? Was TSLA supposed to be your chosen one!?" A child in the crowd turns his face into his mother's side and cries. On the side of the ring WSB can barely move. TSLA was supposed to tag them in, but couldn't make it to the side in time. "Get up TSLA" WSB whimpers hopelessly, a single tear rolling down their cheek. "Get up..." Bear King Burry turns to WSB "Now it is your portfolio's turn. Get in here you little bitch." "Excuse me." Someone replies from behind BKB. "I believe I can give you the fight you want." A robed figure is administering smelling salts to TSLA. The figure puts TSLA on its shoulder and carries TSLA gently out of the ring. "And just who the fuck do you think you are?" BKB rumbles ominously. BKB's fingers squeeze so tightly on the chair that metal bends. "Who am I?" the robed figure inquires. The robed figure stands straight and stretches to their full height. They must be at least 7' tall. The crowd stops crying and watches in stunned silence. "Who am I?" The figure repeats menacingly. The figure turns around to face BKB, ripping off his robe. A gleaming light fills the stadium. Before us stands a Golden deity, rippling with muscle. If there is an ounce of body fat it is currently in hiding, only to make way for seemingly endless coiled golden musculature. The figure looks directly into Bear King Burry's eyes. "I'm Goldman Sachs, and i'm here to kill you."
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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