[Copypasta] Useless Spotify ad

twitchquotes: Thanks for listening to Spotify. No, really. You could've listened to the radio. You could've spun some vinyl. You could've played a cassette tape. You could've listened to an eight track tape, if you knew what an eight track tape looked like. But you listened to Spotify. Thanks for that. And you still have hundreds of more playlists to enjoy
twitch chat
May 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
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Which Rogue card should I pick?

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, I'm drafting a Rogue Arena and I'm 29 cards in. Should I pick Backstab (like you backstabbed Paparrian ) Betrayal (like you betrayed Paparrian ) or Vanish (like you vanished from Paparrian)
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

These aren't the dongs you're looking for

twitchquotes: ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º ༽ ヽ( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )ﾉ These aren't the dongs you're looking for (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)(▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen

Shrek 2

⢋⣴⠒⡝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣍⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿ ⢾⣿⣀⣿⡘⢿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠻⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠈⠙⢿⣦⣉⡁⠄⠄⣴⣶⣿⣿⢷⡶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡛⠛⠻⠃⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⣀⣀⣴⡟⢩⠁⠩⣝⢂⢨⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⡛⣳⣶⣤⡘⠿⢋⣡ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⣈⣱⣮⣿⣷⡾⠟⠋ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠿⠛⠛⣻⣿⠉⠛⠋⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠸⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡠⠄⢒⣤⣟⠿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣀⣀⣉⣉⣠⣽⣿⣟⠻⣿⣿⡆⢻ ⠄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠋⠉⣿⣿⣶⣿⣟⣛⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣼⣿⡇⣸ ⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⢿ ⡋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠂⠠ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⡿⠄⢈ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⡿⠟⢋⣴⣿⢿⡋⠄⠄ ⣠⣴⠶⠖⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣴⣾⣿⡿⢫⠞⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣆⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⢿⣧⣶⠏⠄
ascii art
September 2020

Shrek

Not gonna be active on twitch chat tonight

twitchquotes: Not gonna be active on twitch chat tonight. I'm meeting a girl (a real one) in half an hour (wouldn't expect a lot of you to understand anyway) so please don't whisper me asking me where I am (im with the girl, ok). Shes actually really interested in me and its not a situation i can pass up for some meaningless twitch chat pastas. (Gonna have lots of segz tonight with a real girl).
twitch chat
May 2021

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
January 2021

Classic

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