[Copypasta] Useless Spotify ad

twitchquotes: Thanks for listening to Spotify. No, really. You could've listened to the radio. You could've spun some vinyl. You could've played a cassette tape. You could've listened to an eight track tape, if you knew what an eight track tape looked like. But you listened to Spotify. Thanks for that. And you still have hundreds of more playlists to enjoy
twitch chat
May 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
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Wow, that ACTUALLY killed me?

twitchquotes: ResidentSleeper HUH k ResidentSleeper I'm really strong right now ResidentSleeper Wow, that ACTUALLY killed me? What the fuck ResidentSleeper We played that so bad ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
November 2016
imaqtpie

League of Legends

SCP Jerma

Item #: SCP-985-J Object Class: Euclid Special Contain Procedures: SCP-985-J must be kept in a standard humanoid containment cell decorated to look like an average American household with a live video feed. SCP-985-J must be fed BrainFluud once every 6 hours for sustenance. Personnel assigned to SCP-985-J must refrain from using the words "Short Streamer" "Late" "Loud Pee" and "Bald" as this can agitate SCP-985-J, causing it to enter an enraged state. SCP-985-J is allowed access to one (1) Garfield comic strip per day for entertainment. Description: SCP-985-J is a 32 year old Caucasian male from Boston, MA. SCP-985-J refers to itself as "Jeremy Elbertson" and believes itself to be much taller than it appears to others, referring to itself as being "not tiny" and "compact". SCP-985-J was discovered by the Foundation on ██/██/201█ when footage emerged of it attacking and killing [DATA EXPUNGED]. MTF Gamma-43 ("Anti-Jerms") was dispatched to secure the anomaly and all civilians who had viewed the footage were amnesticized.
January 2022
Jerma985

Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass

I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass. I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me. The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
July 2022

Confessions

My daughter is dating a douche-bag (response to /r/cryptocurrency post)

My daughter is dating a douche-bag I don't know where I messed up, I thought I taught her well on what to look for in a man. The guy just showed up at my house and starting rambling on about how DCAing 30 dollars in 4 months into Safemoon helped him understand finance and geopolitics. I told him he was completely oblivious about being in a ponzi, this only unchained a what I believed to be a cocaine induced speech saying that Safemoon was going to be the next Bitcoin and he was going to moon while buying "lambos" for his friends because he was no "Bitch-ass paperhands". I'm a bank executive, so you can only imagine what a nightmare this is for me. Don't know what the point of this post is, is not like my daughter is going to stop dating that idiot anyways. I'm scared about my daughter's future.
September 2021

Cryptocurrency

WeebsIn

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⢸⡿⢿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⢸⡇⣮⢻⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⣿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠆⣿⢸⡇⣿⣧⡻⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⢀⣠⢶⣟⢽⣿⣶⣨⣝⢕⠦⣀⢀⣠⣶⡆⠿⠸⠇⣿⣿⣷⢹⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⡿⠘⣻⣹⡸⣞⢿⡿⡽⡿⣷⠡⣜⡪⠋⠄⢀⣀⣤⡀⠄⠉⠛⠸⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⡇⢸⣼⣶⡇⡽⢿⣿⡜⣬⢞⣷⣤⢀⠐⣶⣦⣸⣿⡇⠄⠄⢀⠄⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⡇⢘⠻⣿⣇⣟⣑⡻⣿⡐⢡⣺⡿⣸⣷⠾⠿⣿⣿⣇⢀⠠⠡⡀⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⡇⡟⣽⢻⣞⢸⣿⣮⢎⠳⠸⠇⣇⡂⢿⡫⢹⣉⣭⣭⠘⣣⣴⣢⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣸⡇⠄⡿⡄⣱⡤⠤⣼⣿⣾⣿⣶⣯⡛⡫⣿⣿⣿⡿⠏⠄⣿⡶⣣⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⠁⠄⠙⡵⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢾⣿⡿⢁⣬⡙⢿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⢿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⠄⢠⢸⡞⠈⠻⢿⣿⣷⣶⣿⠏⠄⠰⣿⡆⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣼⣾⡍⠲⡄⠄ ⣿⠄⢯⠌⠻⣀⣰⢄⡲⢿⣿⡘⠄⠄⡔⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠠⣔⠲⣥⢄⠂⠁⢹⠑ ⣿⢠⣾⣃⡞⣥⣼⡿⡿⢷⡹⠇⢀⠊⠄⠄⠄⣀⠠⠔⠄⠐⠒⠙⠮⠄⠄⠄⠘⡄ ⣿⠸⣶⣸⡿⣫⠔⠂⠑⠲⠄⠆⠄⠄⠄⢠⠚⠋⠤⢄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠣ ⡟⠄⠭⡼⣥⡁⠄⠄⠄⠛⣠⣦⣤⡤⠈⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⡦⠄⢀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⡇⣬⠍⠄⢶⡒⣖⢦⣤⣾⣿⡏⡏⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣨⣶⣷⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠄
ascii art
June 2021

Weebs

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