[Copypasta] 69 nice

twitchquotes: Oh you think you’re funny eh? Yeah you’re so funny commenting nice on a number that represents reproduction. Yeah so funny. Wouldn’t it be nice if somebody came at your doorstep at 4:20 am with a bat that has 69 written on it? Yeah that will be as funny as your joke.
twitch chat
October 2020
I used to be a real ad
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COPERINO FRAPPUCCIONO PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO

twitchquotes: ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽ YOU COPERINO FRAPPUCCIONO PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ༼ ºل͟º༼ ºل͟º༽ºل͟º ༽
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Minecraft good. Fortnite bad.

Steps up to mic, straightens tie, clears throat, taps mic. "This thing on?" Murmurs of assent. Clears throat again. "Minecraft good." The crowd excitedly begins to talk amongst themselves, many holding bated breath. "Fortnite..." A hush falls over the crowd, rapt attention held. "Bad." Suddenly, the crowd goes wild, screaming their praise, demanding awards, running over each other to hug a loved one. Whistles of elation are heard and many are seen sobbing. World peace is enacted in acknowledgement to this monumental speech that knit the world together.
December 2021

Fortnite

Minecraft

Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021

Rudy Giuliani brings a plate of evidence

Holy shit. Rudy Giuliani came into the presser to bring me a plate of election fraud evidence and I literally screamed at him and hit the plate of evidence out of his hand. He started yelling "HEEEREEE'S KRAKEN!" at me and I cut the live feed on him. I’m so distressed right now I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to do that to Rudy but I’m literally in shock from the evidence tonight. I feel like I’m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can’t be happening. I’m having a fucking breakdown. I don’t want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want to Build Back Better™. I want Biden to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in Michigan???? This is so fucked.
November 2020

2020 US Election

Pepe with wine

⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡠⣴⣶⣶⣶⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣫⣭⣭⣭⣭⣥⢹⣟⣛⣛⣛⣃⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⣠⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⢯⡓⢻⠿⠿⠷⡜⣯⠭⢽⠿⠯⠽⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣼⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣥⣝⠂⠐⠈⢸⠿⢆⠱⠯⠄⠈⠸⣛⡒⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣭⡭⢟⣲⣶⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠋⠄⠄⣴⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⢶⡀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣛⠿⢿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⢰⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣧ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡹⣭⣛⠳⠶⠬⠭⢭⣝⣛⣛⣛⣫⣭⡥⠄⠸⡄⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⢇⡟ ⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣭⣛⣛⡛⠳⠶⠶⠶⣶⣶⣶⠶⠄⠄⠄⠙⠮⣽⣛⣫⡵⠊⠁ ⣍⡲⠮⣍⣙⣛⣛⡻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠖⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣬⣭⣭⣭⣝⣭⣭⣭⣴⣷⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠤⠿⠦⠤⠄⠄
ascii art
July 2020

Pepe

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