[Copypasta] I, as a heterosexual man

twitchquotes: I, as a heterosexual man, would never feel attraction to another man. Not even a slim, supple young lad with hyper feminine features in the most endearing cat outfit you could possibly imagine. That doesn't seem attractive to me at all. If you find pictures of men like this, you can just send them to me so I know what to watch out for and avoid.
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November 2020
I used to be a real ad
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I hate, hate, hate coffee culture

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen. When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place. There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise. And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work. Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable. And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts. And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
September 2021

Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
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April 2019

Shaco

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠈⣉⠛⢦⡈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠐⢉⡉⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠈⠙⠒⠿⣆⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⣠⠶⠛⠋⠁⠉⢠⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⢡⡀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣆⠘⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠔⠀⠀⠀⠀⡐⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠀⠈⠻⢶⣤⣀⣀⣽⡆⠘⣿⠇⠀⢸⠀⢀⣠⡴⠞⠃⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡦⣀⠀⠀⠉⠻⠟⢻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠃⠟⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⢀⡄⣺⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡘⡗⢦⣀⠀⠀⣸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠀⢀⣤⢚⠏⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠰⠀⢻⠳⢾⣯⣸⣧⠀⠀⠀⠘⣡⡖⢻⠃⡌⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀⠀⢷⠀⡈⠻⣿⠀⠀⡠⠚⠀⢷⠃⢰⠁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢆⠘⡄⡁⢀⠉⠦⠊⣁⠴⢁⠄⠐⡟⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠘⣆⠈⢇⠨⠉⠰⠈⠁⢀⠏⠀⠰⠁⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠹⡇⠈⢧⡀⢠⠀⣠⠋⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠘⠿⠇⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣄⣀⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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July 2020

League of Legends

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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⢠⣴⣾⣵⣶⣶⣾⣿⣦⡄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣧⣀⣼⣿⣄⣠⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠘⠻⢷⡯⠛⠛⠛⠛⢫⣿⠟⠛⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢡⣀⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣆⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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December 2019

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Summit i am a chicken from cs go

twitchquotes: Summit i am a chicken from cs go ... i barely survived inferno ... i just want you and ur friends stop killlin my chickens or im gonna peck the sh1t out of you .My dream is to travel from A sight to B at my friend horse near construction without getting hurt together with my chicks and u always ruin it... please copy paste and stop this madness , let a chicken cross inferno my brothers
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April 2016
Summt1g

CSGO

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