[Copypasta] Apology letter from the condom factory

twitchquotes: What in the actual rainbows is wrong with your brain? Did you IQ test return with negative results or something? I’m getting closer and closer to believing that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Jesus Christ. Love the content keep it up.
twitch chat
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Taco Bell's new Salty Sriracha Quesarito

twitchquotes: Wow Kripparian, you seem salty today! But not as salty as Taco Bell's new Salty Sriracha Quesarito for only $2.99! Packed with tbSpicy and PJSalt its got everything you want in a tbQuesarito !
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

sellout

Math is "mental abuse to humans"

twitchquotes: You know how some people say that math is “mental abuse to humans”? Well, lemme tell you one thing: “Math” is an abbreviation for “mathematics”, so you’re only looking at 36% of the whole thing. What does the other 64% stand for? It stands for “except mostly at truly intelligently cool students”! That means, if you think math is mentally abusing you, you’re not truly intelligent or cool! You’re dumb and lame! So the next time someone gives you the first 36% of this ridiculous acronym, give them the other 64%. Don’t forget to tell them that they suck at etymology.
twitch chat
October 2020

Classic

F to pay McRespects

Ma'am, you may want to McSit™ down for this. We are deeply McSorry™ to inform you your husband has McPerished™ in the McLine™ of duty. He bravely led a McCharge™ against the Burger Emperor's Army™, and through his McBravery™ we were able to hold the McLine™ long enough for McReinforcements™ to arrive. Your husband is being awarded the Grimace Medal of McHonor™ for his McService™, and for his McBravery™ we will be sending you a complimentary Happy Meal™ as a token of appreciation. His service to the McMarine™ Corps will never be forgotten.
January 2021

someone who shares my passion for drinking water

twitchquotes: Finally someone who shares my passion and enthusiasm for drinking water. I'm more of an alkaline person, I often like to drink from water bottles, Contigo brand specifically. I don't really like Reverse Osmosis, it kind of leaves a funny feeling in my mouth, but I'll drink it if needed. The only problem with Alkaline is that when you get a new filter the water is cloudy for a bit and the taste is off. My house has Two taps at the sink, one for alkaline, one for reverse osmosis.
twitch chat
August 2019

Chinese gibberish copypasta

twitchquotes: 臣亮言：先帝創業未半，而中道崩殂。今天下三分，益州疲弊，此誠危急存亡之秋也。然侍衛之臣，不懈於內；忠志之士，忘身於外者，蓋追先帝之殊遇，欲報之於陛下也。誠宜開張聖聽，以光先帝遺德，恢弘志士之氣；不宜妄自菲薄，引喻失義，以塞忠諫之路也。宮中府中，俱為體，陟罰臧否，不宜異同。若有作姦犯科，及為忠善者，宜付有司，論其刑賞，以昭陛下平明之治，不宜篇私，使內外異法也。侍中、侍郎郭攸之、費褘、董允等，此皆良實，志慮忠純，是以先帝簡拔以遺陛下。愚以為宮中之事，事無大前出師表
twitch chat
June 2014
EtrnlWait
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