[Copypasta] Magic Sex Gun YouTube ad script

This is my magic sex gun. All I do is point it at a woman I want to fuck, and BANG! She's all over me. How does it work? Go to MagicSexGun.com. You can have your own! And it's not buying hookers, not using personal sites, and definitely not spanking it to p**n... so go to MagicSexGun.com before we take the site down. This magic sex gun works especially well on younger women. Point your magic sex gun at your innocent-looking young coworker and bam! She's sucking your d**k below the desk. Point it at the cute young French woman bagging your groceries and bam! She's letting you rail her behind the dumpster. And of course... point it at any girl on a dating app site, and well... you'll feel like you have a sex machine gun with all the women you're mowing down. This is only if you go to MagicSexGun.com. Get it right now: MagicSexGun.com. There's only so many magic sex guns available, so you want to get in while the getting is good. MAGICSEXGUN.COM!
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Bear King Michael Burry in the ring, slappin TSLA with a metal chair. His glass eye open wide with rage as he batters TSLA relentlessly. "The valuation..." crunch "makes...." crunch "NO.... " crunch "SENSE!" he roars with maniacal autistic glee. TSLA struggles for the edge of the ring, but coughs blood as each hit lands, and eventually stops moving. Bear King Burry drops the chair. Bear King Burry turns to the crowd "Was this your champion!? Was TSLA supposed to be your chosen one!?" A child in the crowd turns his face into his mother's side and cries. On the side of the ring WSB can barely move. TSLA was supposed to tag them in, but couldn't make it to the side in time. "Get up TSLA" WSB whimpers hopelessly, a single tear rolling down their cheek. "Get up..." Bear King Burry turns to WSB "Now it is your portfolio's turn. Get in here you little bitch." "Excuse me." Someone replies from behind BKB. "I believe I can give you the fight you want." A robed figure is administering smelling salts to TSLA. The figure puts TSLA on its shoulder and carries TSLA gently out of the ring. "And just who the fuck do you think you are?" BKB rumbles ominously. BKB's fingers squeeze so tightly on the chair that metal bends. "Who am I?" the robed figure inquires. The robed figure stands straight and stretches to their full height. They must be at least 7' tall. The crowd stops crying and watches in stunned silence. "Who am I?" The figure repeats menacingly. The figure turns around to face BKB, ripping off his robe. A gleaming light fills the stadium. Before us stands a Golden deity, rippling with muscle. If there is an ounce of body fat it is currently in hiding, only to make way for seemingly endless coiled golden musculature. The figure looks directly into Bear King Burry's eyes. "I'm Goldman Sachs, and i'm here to kill you."
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WHEN THE IMPOSTOR IS SUS (text)

β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆ β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€ β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€ β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€ β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„ β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€ β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆ β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€ β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€ β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–€β–€β–ˆ β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€      
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Kappa

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–“β–’β–“β–“β–’β–“β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–€β–„β–‘β–‘ β–„β–€β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–“β–’β–’β–“β–ˆβ–‘ β–ˆβ–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–ˆβ–‘ β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘ β–‘β–€β–„β–“β–‘β–‘β–’β–€β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘ β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–’β–€β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–„β–’β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–’β–’β–„β–€β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘
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Text-to-Speech Playing