Holy shit Kim Kardashian is about to be single. I've waited so long for this moment. This is my chance, my opportunity. God is real. I should chill with the god talk because she's probably over that stuff but im fucking hyped. I am going to shoot my shot. I am not black so my chances are less but I have been doing push ups, eating vitamins and controlling my jacking off.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Biden's America
The year is 2021. You look at the television. SIlver fox President Biden announces a vaccine mandate for employees. You clutch your limited edition Trump Funko Pop. It has begun. You gather up all your belongings, and jump into your truck, hitting the highway for the airport. Out of your rearview mirror you can make out a sleek black Prius pursuing you. You make out the numbers “1” “9” “8” and 4” on their license plate. You are able to lose the Prius and arrive at the airport. You are almost free. At airport security You see a young man being dragged away screaming. The guards yell something about him having more than 3.4 oz of liquid. Thankfully you only have an AR 15 on you. The guard inspects it.
“It’s for hunting,” you say.
They hand it back to you and wave for you to move along. You breathe a sigh of relief.
“One more thing.”
You turn to see a Guard staring down at you with their beady soulless eyes.
“I need to see your vaccination card”
It is too late. You try to run away, but you feel someone press a cloth against your face. Reality fades away. You wake up in some kind of lab, chained down to an operation table and gagged. The room is undecorated except for a single poster of Harry Styles in a dress on the wall. A single figure stands in the corner shrouded in shadow, fiddling with a syringe. As they step out of the shadow, you can make out their face, the roguishly handsome Gavin Newsom. He positions a large surgical headlight above you and turns it on. He holds up the large syringe to the light and chuckles, staring into your pleading eyes.
“Don't worry, it will all be over soon”
He removes his mask to reveal his serpent's tongue, flickering in amusement. He plunges the syringe straight through your “socialism is for figs” shirt into your arm.
“Nighty night”
Your world fades to black once more.
Joe Biden
Politics
Smash bros in the year 20XX
twitchquotes:
The year is 20XX. Every official stream online has zero views because grassroots organizations have usurped all Esports streams. Nintendo is destitute and broke, their only source of income is through taxing sold copies of Melee, CRTs, and gamecubes. Society has evolved to the point that with a cybernetic implant, you can connect directly to netplay and shine on your opponent while broadcasting free of a DMCA complaint and a C&D letter from Nintendo. Doug Bowser is the last living human without an implant, and is found cold and naked, wondering why everyone is constantly talking about wavedashes.
twitch chat
Super Smash Bros
I've seen Tenz play, he doesn't even use a monitor
twitchquotes:
I've seen Tenz play, he doesn't even use a monitor. He visualizes the map in a detailed rendering, completely in his mind. He has a biological wallhack; his godlike perception highlights all enemies within light-years. His eyes are closed as his mouse gracefully swerves across the table, making immaculate twitches as he flicks from head to head. The bullets that escape his gun barrel are surgical; each making a deadly strike in between his opponent's eyes. His spray control is otherworldly, his crosshair erratically jolting across the screen as his wrist muscles perfectly predict the next bullet's location. Time literally stops as he peeks, sunlight curving as his trigger finger impacts his left mouse button, sending enemies to a digital shadow realm before they even know what happened. He is un-killable. He is undefeatable. This "man" is the epitome of eternal.
twitch chat
TenZ
Valorant
monkaHmm Pepega
twitchquotes:
. o O ( 
)
. o O ( )
twitch chat
Strong cringe feeling overflowing me
twitchquotes:
Every time you reach out your hand to your webcam and lower your voice there is a strong cringe feeling overflowing me like a zoo lock overflows the board and there is no way I can handle it
twitch chat
Kripp