[Copypasta] I, a god-level CoD player, could join the military

Ok. Listen up bud. You’re a kid, and you’re getting cocky. You snuck in a few good quick scopes and got a few points ahead of me, but you have no chance. I am a Call of Duty god. I would be killing terrorists in Iraq if it weren’t for the fact that I would punch the drill sergeant in the face if he even looked at me funny. So don’t get cocky, bud. Or just like my kill/death ratio, you’re going down, kid. As soon as I finish the campaign I’m tracking your IP, hunting you down and beating the crap out of you. You’ve been warned.
February 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Qtpie, this is your dad here

twitchquotes: qtpie, this is your dad here. i just wanted to say how proud of you i am son, always hiding in your room playing your video games, talking to your internet friends. your mom and i think that's swell and we just wanted to let you know we love you. pls no copy dadderino
twitch chat
March 2016
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Applejack

▓▓▓▓▓░▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓░▐▌░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▒░░▌░░░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓ ▓▓▒▒░░░░░░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓ ▓▓▒░░░░░░▀▀███▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▓▓▒░░░░░▌▄████▌░░▒▒▒▒▓ ▓▓▒▒░░░░███▄█▌░░░▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▒▒▒░░.’.░▀▀▀▀░░░░▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▒▒▒▒░░░░░░░░░░░░▓▓▓▓ ▓▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░▐▄░░▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓
November 2014

Day 2 without sports

twitchquotes: Day 2 without sports: Found a young lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she’s my wife. She seems nice. Apparently we also have 2 kids.
twitch chat
March 2020

Coronavirus

COVID

Whenever kripp says "alright subber-bros"

twitchquotes: Whenever kripp says "alright subber-bros", I know it's time. I full screen the stream and grab my vaseline. I apply a huge load onto my newly shaved butthole and rub it all around nice and even. And then, when kripp says "thanks, and welcome to the 5 dollar club", I place my butthole in front of the screen. It is in that moment, that kripp fists me. I moan with pleasure. I'm one with the kripp
twitch chat
October 2018
Kripp

Yes Chad (Nordic Gamer)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⡛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠒⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⠂⠈⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠷⠤⣄⠈⠛⠦⣀⠀⠑⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠒⠤⣘⣯⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠓⠢⢤⣀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⠈⠓⢤⡀⠀⠀⠉⠐⠠⢀⠀⠀⠈⠐⠄⡀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠹⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⡶⠤⣄⡈⠳⣤⡀⠀⠙⠲⣄⡀⠈⠓⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠑⠂⠀⠀⠀⢀⡐⠀⣈⣁⣠⡀⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⠻⣷⣤⡙⢦⣤⣍⣓⣦⣰⣶⡽⣷⣶⡟⠛⠿⠿⠶⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠉⠋⠈⠉⠙⠉⠉⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢦⣙⡄⠀⠉⠉⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⢀⡀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠈⠏⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠀⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⣦⣀⣤⣶⣒⣶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⠀⢀⣠⡶⠛⠉⠻⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠙⠚⠛⣦⠤⡤⠬⡙⠓⠦⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⢿⡉⠀⠒⠢⡄⢹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠆⠀⣻⣛⣂⣤⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣏⠳⣽⣤⡴⠦⡌⡄⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠏⠀⡌⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡏⠳⡄⢸⡇⠀⢀⠇⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡟⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣴⡋⠹⣗⡙⠻⡇⠀⠈⣰⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⢿⠀⠹⢦⡀⢨⡁⣇⢀⣼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣦⣤⣤⣶⣤⣤⡨⠀⢰⠖⠒⢤⡀⡼⡇⠈⠳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⡏⠘⠦⠤⠤⠤⠴⠶⠦⠴⠖⠒⠋⢙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⢠⡀⢨⡙⠦⢤⣸⠟⡆⢠⢻⠃⢷⠀⠀⠘⠦⠀⠀⠁⠈⢻⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣦⣵⣄⠉⡀⠀⠈⢿⠁⢴⡾⠀⠈⢧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠚⣿⠿⠶⠶⠶⣦⠃⡴⠶⠶⠶⠶⣶⠾⠷⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣦⠀⣠⡴⠶⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠁⠀⣿⠉⠄⢻⡀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣼⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢯⠇⠀⠀⠀⣼⠀⠈⢸⣧⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡾⢀⠀⠀⢠⠏⠀⠀⢀⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠟⠀⠀⠀⢰⣏⣽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣄⣸⣤⣴⠋⠄⠀⡄⠈⡻⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⠁⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⣷⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠙⠋⠈⣷⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠁⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠇⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⡀⠄⠀⠀⠆⠀⠀⡀⢀⣬⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡟⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⣠⣄⣀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⣀⣠⣼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⢻⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡟⠛⠛⠛⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing