[Copypasta] I, a god-level CoD player, could join the military

Ok. Listen up bud. You’re a kid, and you’re getting cocky. You snuck in a few good quick scopes and got a few points ahead of me, but you have no chance. I am a Call of Duty god. I would be killing terrorists in Iraq if it weren’t for the fact that I would punch the drill sergeant in the face if he even looked at me funny. So don’t get cocky, bud. Or just like my kill/death ratio, you’re going down, kid. As soon as I finish the campaign I’m tracking your IP, hunting you down and beating the crap out of you. You’ve been warned.
February 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Hello. I am a 15 year old Rhinoceros

twitchquotes: Hello. I am a 15 year old Rhinoceros. The only problem is that my horn on my head is soft and limp. As you may know this is very devastating to a rhino like myself. If there are any rhinos out there that can help me with my problem it would be appreciated. Please dont copy paste this. This is my story.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kolento

I sexually Identify as Fox McCloud

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as Fox McCloud. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of defending my Melee Championship at EVO. People say to me that a person being Fox McCloud is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, Mishun Complete. I’m having Mango inject me with tech skill and mindgames. From now on I want you guys to call me “Fox” and respect my right to shine and upsmash. If you can’t accept me you’re a spaciephobe and need to check your tierlist privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
October 2016

Super Smash Bros

I sexually Identify as

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
January 2021

Classic

Allu is a tactical genius

twitchquotes: Allu is a tactical genius. He is best known for his signature tactic ”going B, but then benching AleksiB”. He also has a second little known tactic of ”going A, but then going home without any wins”. What an absolute legend. Top 3 IGL 4 sure.
twitch chat
October 2020

CSGO

Jack and Jill went up the hill

twitchquotes: Jack and Jill went up the hill🗻🏞 So Jack could lick her candy 🍭🍬 🅱️ut Jack got a shock😳🙌💯 And a mouthful of cock👄💦🍆 Cause Jill’s real name is R🅰️ndy 😈
twitch chat
March 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing