[Copypasta] Imagine being Bill Gates right now.

Imagine being Bill Gates right now. You spend 30 years of your life and $50 billion of your own dollars supporting humanitarian causes. You directly save hundreds of thousands of lives in South East Asia by providing anti malaria netting to half of a continent, you drop infant mortality rates throughout the entire developing world by funding vaccine programs including vaccinating 40,000,000 children for polio, and, amongst a plethora of philanthropic endeavors, you fund free educational platforms like Khan Academy so people can have free access to high quality education. Then after donating half of your wealth to charity and pledging 90% of the remainder to charity in your will.. Arguably doing more to better life on earth for humanity than any other human being to ever live. You then hop on the internet only to find a million scientifically illiterate fucking imbeciles that are using the very computers you pretty much invented in the first place to call you a child murdering arch villian antichrist because they watched a YouTube video made by some other yokel with the comprehension of a fucking potato.
February 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Red futures :(

Bought a bunch of calls thinking I was going to be able to afford an escort to shit on my chest, now it's these red futures that are shitting on my chest.
February 2021

WallStreetBets

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020

Scary WutFace

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢋⣵⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣠⣄⡀⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⣠⡾⠋⠉⠉⠉⠩⢛⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠙⢶⣆⠄⠄⠹⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣼⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠁⢻⣿⣿⡠⠦⠄⢸⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠛⡁⠾⠹⠁⠄⠄⣴⡾⣿⣿⠄⠄⠸⢋⣭⠻⣶⠞⠛⠛⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠘⣿ ⣿⠄⠰⣿⡆⡀⠄⠄⢘⢿⣿⣿⠋⠄⠠⣰⠄⠉⢀⣧⠐⠷⠄⣸⣶⣿⡏⠄⠄⠛ ⣿⠄⢠⣤⣷⣧⡢⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⣴⡿⢷⠖⢉⡉⠳⡖⣊⡉⠻⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣥⣤⣄⣠⣤⡊⠁⢀⣼⣄⠈⠋⣠⣇⠘⠘⢀⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣟⢸⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣍⠉⠉⠉⠛⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣾⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣇⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠿⠟⢡⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀ ⠃⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⢆⣀⠝⠛⡟⢻⠛⢟⢫⣁⠦⠄⣾⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿ ⡀⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣆⣀⣀⡈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⣀⣼⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣾⣿ ⣧⡀⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⡆⠤⣤⣼⣿⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⡀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡀⢀⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⢀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡄⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣴⣾
October 2019

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Open the Waygate?

twitchquotes: Did you ever hear the tragedy of Open the Waygate? I thought not. It’s not a story the f2p btw would tell you. It’s a P2W legendary. Open the Waygate was a Quest from Journey to Un’Goro, so powerful and so astounding it could use Time Warp to influence the end turn button to create another turn… It had such a knowledge of the spaghetti code that it could even keep the worthy opponents it faced from having a turn. The spaghetti code is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be imbalanced. It became so powerful… the only thing it was afraid of was losing its power, which eventually, of course, it did. Unfortunately, it drew every card from its deck, then its worthy opponent set it to one health. Ironic. It could stop others from drawling, but not itself.
twitch chat
April 2017

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

Hearthstone

Hunter's mark face

twitchquotes: Wtf are you doing, just hunter's mark face and kill him?! FailFish
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing