[Copypasta] Masturbation on a plane should be socially acceptable

Flying, and travel in general, is stressful. And want to know one of the best stress relievers? That's right, masturbation. So what if a person wants to relieve some of that tension by spanking the monkey or flicking the bean? There's nothing wrong with paddling the pink canoe or Jackin' the beanstalk. It's totally natural to give yourself a nice little under the pants handshake. We all need to visit the purple headed soldier from time to time. It's not hurting anyone so if it's not your forte, just put on your headphones and ignore the man next to you playing a solo on his skin flute. Society should be way more accepting of masturbation on airplanes.
March 2021
I used to be a real ad
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This the leader of all Greek people, John Stamos

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, this is the leader of all Greek people, John Stamos. It is with great pain that I have to ask you to leave my country. Everyone is afraid of the "very casual looking man" with the "perverted fists." I am sorry but you're not welcome here anymore. No Copopolous Pastopolous Linguinoristopoulos
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Kamala Harris loves Fweedom

Senator Kamala Harris started her life’s work young. She laughs from her gut, the way you would with family, as she remembers being wheeled through an Oakland, California, civil rights march in a stroller with no straps with her parents and her uncle. At some point, she fell from the stroller (few safety regulations existed for children's equipment back then), and the adults, caught up in the rapture of protest, just kept on marching. By the time they noticed little Kamala was gone and doubled back, she was understandably upset. "My mother tells the story about how I’m fussing," Harris told the magazine. "And she’s like, β€˜Baby, what do you want? What do you need?’ And I just looked at her and I said, β€˜Fweedom.’"
January 2021

2020 US Election

As Jeff Kaplan stares at me through my computer screen

twitchquotes: As Jeff Kaplan stares at me through my computer screen, I begin to contemplate reality. What truly has substance in this realm of technology, avarice and sin? What is our future, if not a blank, hollow nothing, rife with silence and strife? PogChamp
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January 2018

Overwatch

Obama Not Bad

β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–Œβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–β–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘ β–β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β•β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β•β•β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–‘β–„β–€β–Œβ–Œ β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œ β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–‘β–Œβ–Œ β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–€β–€β–„β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–€β–β–β–‘ β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–€β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–„β•β•β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–Œβ–€β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–„β–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–Œβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„ β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
July 2015

I sexually idenfity as the Boogeymonster

twitchquotes: I sexually identify as The Boogeymonster. Ever since I pre-ordered 50 packs the only card I dreamed of pulling was The Boogeymonster to put it in my deck, play it on turn 8, and watch it grow. Watch it get out of control as it feasts on every puny creature my horrified opponent dares to lay on the board. I can already hear The Boogeymonster's attack sound as it swings in for a 30 damage lethal. If you can't accept this you're a boogeyphobe and you need to check your legendary privilege.
twitch chat
June 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

I sexually Identify as

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