Flying, and travel in general, is stressful. And want to know one of the best stress relievers? That's right, masturbation. So what if a person wants to relieve some of that tension by spanking the monkey or flicking the bean? There's nothing wrong with paddling the pink canoe or Jackin' the beanstalk. It's totally natural to give yourself a nice little under the pants handshake. We all need to visit the purple headed soldier from time to time. It's not hurting anyone so if it's not your forte, just put on your headphones and ignore the man next to you playing a solo on his skin flute. Society should be way more accepting of masturbation on airplanes.
What happened to this ad? :(
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Kermit the Frog and the Twin Towers
It is actual Muppets canon that Kermit the Frog, in some way, had a role in bringing down the Twin Towers in the terror attacks of September 11, 2001. In "It's a Very Muppets Christmas Movie," a film released in late 2002, Kermit is shown a glimpse of what New York City might look like if he had never been born. Among the scenery of this alternate reality NYC, we find none other than the Twin Towers proudly standing in the background. They were, of course, long destroyed in Kermit's normal reality. And yet, in the world without Kermit, the war on terror is missing its powder keg spark. Who would've thought that green piece of fuck could kermit a terror attack on US soil, but there it stands unimpeachable... We have concrete, canon proof of involvement. Why the world hasn't stopped and asked further questions is only further proof of a media cabal keeping this conversation away from the masses. The Twin Towers would still be standing if it weren't for Kermit the Frog. Al Qaeda was the puppet this time, and Kermit the hand within.
Sauté the Pepperoni
twitchquotes:
First you boil some pasta, preferably Fagottini ( ͡◕ ͜ʖ ͡◕)ﾉ ~~~~~Then you sauté the Pepperoni ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━ (o o o)
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Kripp
I fucking hate Stuart Little
twitchquotes:
I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn rodent to hell with me. Stuart Little has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Stuart. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.
twitch chat
You fool. The statement "It's opposite day" is paradoxical by nature.
You fool. You imbecile. You absolute buffoon. You cannot simply say "I'm gay! It's Opposite Day btw". The statement "It's Opposite Day" is paradoxical by nature. With the logic that everything said during Opposite Day is untrue, saying "It's Opposite Day" on Opposite Day negates that statement. Because the statement "It's Opposite Day" is now untrue, it is no longer Opposite Day and therefore your original remark is now correct. That means it IS opposite day, and a neverending cycle that is known as The Liar's Paradox is created. You were a complete idiot not to invoke the conditional clause. For example, if you were to say, "If it were opposite day, I'd be gay!" your statement would not be holed. You have been snared within a web of your own making. Listen to the sky crack and fall. The universe will implode on itself and it's your own fault.
Sad Anime Girl
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