[Copypasta] Logan Paul apology script

Dear Internet, Where do I begin... Let's start with this -I'm sorry. This is a first for me. I've never faced criticism like this before, because I've never made a mistake like this before. I'm surrounded by good people and believe I make good decisions, but I'm still a human being. I can be wrong. I didn't do it for views. I get views. I did it because I thought I could make a positive ripple on the internet, not cause a monsoon of negativity. That's never the intention. I intended to raise awareness for suicide and suicide prevention and while I thought "if this video saves just ONE life, it'll be worth it," I was misguided by shock and awe, as portrayed in the video. I still am. I do this sh*t every day. I've made a 15 minute TV show EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past 460+ days. One may understand that it's easy to get caught up in the moment without fully weighing the possible ramifications. I'm often reminded of how big of a reach I truly have & with great power comes great responsibility... for the first time in my life I'm regretful to say I handled that power incorrectly. It won't happen again. I love everyone. I believe in people. I'm out here. Peace #Logang4Life
March 2021
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/logan-pauls-suicide-forest-video
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Tanner throws his disheveled red McDonald's hat

twitchquotes: Tanner throws his disheveled red McDonald's hat and apron onto the beer-stained couch. He turns on the computer monitor which nearly blinds him, and light floods the room, revealing the months worth of pizza boxes and beers strewn about the floor. He opens Microsoft Edge. His fingers stick to the keyboard as he types "Kripp's stream" into Bing search, ready for another successful day of roasting Kripp.
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January 2019
Kripp

Tanner from High School

veryFors

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠉⠉⠉⠄⠈⠉⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣴⣶⣤⣤⣀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⣛⣛⣛⡛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⡟⢱⣆⠄⠿⢿⣿⣿⣯⠬⣙⡇⠘⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣻⣿⣿⣭⣵⣦⠄⣠⣿⡈⢿⣀⣸⡇⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⢨⠟⣷⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⡿⢂⣀⢸⣦⠄⠄⣹⣿⠇⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣟⣉⣴⣿⠇⣠⣾⠂⠄⠈⠄⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⣿⡿⣣⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⠿⠋⠉ ⠛⠋⠉⠁⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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Coca Cola shortage

twitchquotes: THIS JUST IN: Stores across the world are reporting a major shortage of 'store brand Cola'. Sources indicate that over 20 million bottles were sold within minutes of an endorsement by some dirty Romanian living in Athens.
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Masturbation Notice from school

MASTURBATION NOTICE It has come to our attention that students have been masturbating in the school bathrooms. Masturbating on school property is ILLEGAL and against school district policy The bathroom pipes are NOT designed to handle human discharge or anything other than your regular bathroom duties The excessive amounts of discharge build-up has caused a blockage in the pipes. Multiple pipes have become close to bursting due to the amount of excessive semen build-up. This will cost THOUSANDS of dollars coming from our funds to repair the damage caused by this Please masturbate in your own homes and at your own disposal If any discharge is discovered in the bathroom, it will be collected and analyzed to determine who it belongs to. If it is discovered that the discharge is yours, YOU will be fine $ 1,000 and be reported to proper authorities Thank you for your cooperation
March 2022

Navy Seal Copypasta in uwu

What t-t-the fuck did you just fucking s-say about me, you little bitch!? I'll have you knyow I gwaduated t-top of my cwass in t-t-the Navy Seaws, and I've been invowved in nyumewous secwet raids on Aw-Quaeda, and I have uvw 300 confirmed k-kiwws. I am twainyed in gorilla wawfawe and I'm t-t-the t-top snyiper in t-t-the entiwe US armed forces. You awe n-nyothing t-to me but just anyothew tawget. I wiww wipe you t-t-the fuck out with pwecision t-t-the wikes of which has nyevew been seen befowe on this Eawth, mawk my fucking words. You think you c-can get away with saying that shit t-to me uvw t-t-the I-Intewnyet?!?1 Think again, fuckew. As w-w-we speak I am contacting my secwet nyetwork of spies acwoss t-t-the USA and youw IP is b-being twaced right nyow so you better pwepawe fow t-t-the stowm, maggot. T-The stowm that wipes out t-t-the pathetic little thing you caww youw life. Y-You'we fucking dead, kid. I c-can be anywhewe, anytime, and I c-can k-kiww you in uvw seven hundwed w-ways, and t-t-that's just with my bawe hands. N-Nyot only am I extensivewy twainyed in unyawmed combat, but I have access t-to t-t-the entiwe awsenyaw of t-t-the Unyited States M-Marinye Cowps and I wiww use i-it t-to its fuww extent t-to wipe youw misewabwe a-ass off t-t-the face of t-t-the continyent, you little shit. If only you could have k-knyown what unhowy retribution youw little "clever" comment was about t-to bring d-d-down upon y-you, maybe you w-wouwd have h-hewd youw fucking tongue. But you couwdn't, you didn't, and nyow you're paying t-t-the pwice, you g-goddamn i-idiot. I wiww shit fury all uvw you and you wiww dwown in i-it. Y-You'we fucking dead, kiddo.
April 2022

Navy Seal

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