[Copypasta] How come we can't ever invade a cool country (Generation Kill)

Look at this shit, how come we can't ever invade a cool country, like chicks in bikinis, you know, how come countries like that don't ever need Marines, I'll tell you why, it's lack of pussy that fucks countries up, lack of pussy is the root fucking cause of all global instability, if more hajis were getting quality pussy, there'd be no reason for us to come over and fuck em up like this, cause a nutbusting haji, is a happy haji.
March 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Minion Joker

───────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ────────▄▀▀═════════════▀▀▄ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β–€β–€β–€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–Œβ•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β•β–β–“β–“β–Œ β”€β”€β”€β–β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–β–“β–“β–Œβ–Œ β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–β–“β–„β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–„β–“β–Œβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–Œβ•β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ•β–β•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ•β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ•β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ•β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ•β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ•β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ•β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β”€β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆ β”€β–„β–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–ˆβ•β•β–ˆβ–„ β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ ─────────▀▀▀▀────────▀▀▀▀
September 2021

I want to fuck myself!

Now before you guys assume, i am not gay. I was messing around with a selfie of myself on faceapp and decided to use the female filter. As soon as i clicked the icon, my life was changed forever. Those lusious lips, the well defined jawline, the adorable eyes and those perfect eyebrows instantly gave me a hard on. Before i knew it, i was stroking my cock faster than i had ever before. Within 2 minutss i had already cummed 5 times coating my whole bed with a layer of semen and my balls were drier than the shaharan desert. Could any of you nerds please find a way to bring my waifu to lifue. Thanks uWu.
September 2021

Best Polish one arm player

twitchquotes: i, my name Andrzej Waclawski, I'm Polish war veteran. In war of world 2 I lose right arm, never to grow back. My dream of become rank one superstar Polish Cardstone player make shattered forever. I like to get tip from the Kripp how I can become best Polish one arm player. Please no copytovski pasterovski
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Tomato Town Police Report

The residents of Tomato Town need your help identifying two suspects who were about to get down while involved in an event on Monday evening. Ten people were eliminated, and the two suspects, one injured, left the scene headed Southbound and were later spotted at a local park. The two suspects were armed with golden scar ARs and were β€œhitting that chug jug” as several witnesses stated. Please alert local Tomato Town authorities with any information regarding the duo.
March 2021

Fortnite

Nam or die

β£Ώβ ›β ›β »β£Ώβ£Ώβ ›β ›β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ ›β ›β ›β£Ώβ£Ώβ ›β ›β ›β’» β£Ώβ „β „β‘€β ˆβ’Ώβ „β „β£Ώβ‘Ÿβ ‰β’‰β£‰β ‰β ™β’Ώβ£Ώβ „β’°β „β Ήβ ‡β „β‘†β „β’Έ ⣿⠄⠄⣿⣦⑀⠄⠄⣿⑋⠉⠑⠢⠂⠄Ⓒ⣿⠄Ⓒ⣇⠄⠄⣼⑇⠄Ⓒ β£Ώβ£Άβ£Άβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Άβ£Άβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Άβ£Άβ£Ύβ£·β£Άβ£Ύβ£Ώβ£Άβ£Ύβ£Ώβ£Άβ£Άβ£Ώβ£·β£Άβ£Ύ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ώβ Ώβ ›β »β Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ Ώβ Ώβ Ώβ »β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘β „β °β£Ύβ‘†β „β’ˆβ£Ώβ „β „β£Άβ£Ύβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⣀⣀⣴⣾⣿⣀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⠉⣉⑉⠉⠛Ⓙ⣿⠉⠉Ⓓ⣿⠉⠉⒉⣉⣉⣉⣹⣿⣿⣿ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘†β „β’ˆβ£Ώβ „β „β’Έβ£Ώβ „β „β’ˆβ£‰β£‰β£‰β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β ‰β ‰β£€β£€β£Ύβ£Ώβ „β „β’Έβ£Ώβ „β „β ˆβ ‰β ‰β ‰β’Ήβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώ
January 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing