Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
My kids were listening to Lil Nas X
My kids were listening to old town road by Lil Nas X and one of my kids asked me doesn’t he worship satan? Thinking face I said yes son sadly he does. I had to turn on No role modelz by J Cole to cheer him up My kids idolize someone better now! Thank you J Cole you’re a life saver!
Kripp you promised to start a cooking show soon
twitchquotes:
Hey Kripparino riparino, I know you love your Hearthstone but you promised your loving father that you would start a cooking show soon. The gig is up, after this game you must Gordon Ramsay us one splendarino disharoni.
twitch chat
Kripp
Imposter broke into my house!
So yesterday I was eating with my family when all of a sudden a “crew mate” broke in through the front door. He had a ski mask on and a gun which was sus, but he a good skin. My father told us all to hide so we don’t get killed by the obvious imposter. I could see him from my hiding spot under the table and he looked sus. So I told my dad “DAD YOU THINK HE IS THE IMPOSTER? HE IS SUS!” I yelled as loud as I could. The imposter found us hiding and shot my father five times. The imposter was so dumb, who kills someone in front of crew mates? I ran to call the emergency meeting by grabbing my phone off the table when I heard my mother get shot and scream for me. Lol she was so bad at among us. My teammates sucked and were dying to the worst Imposter. So I called the emergency meeting and for some reason a S.W.A.T team rammed down the door and killed the imposter. Lol that’s not how the game goes, I think they were hacking.
Among Us / Amogus
Yer in proper mess ya nob head
twitchquotes:
ᴜ ᴡᴏᴛ ᴍ8? ɪ sᴡᴇʀ ᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴄʜᴇᴇᴋʏ ᴄᴜɴᴛ ᴍᴀᴛᴇ, sᴀʏ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ғᴀᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴏɴʟɪɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴇ'ʟʟ sᴇᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴs. ɪ sᴡᴇʀ 2 ᴄʜʀɪsᴛ I'ʟʟ ʜᴏᴏᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴀʙʙᴀ. ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ sʜᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏᴜᴛʜ ᴏʀ ɪᴍ ᴄᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ʜᴏᴍᴇʙᴏʏs ʀɪᴛᴇ ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀɪɴ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴇʀ ʀᴜᴍʙʟᴇ. ᴛʜᴀ ʀᴜᴍʙʟᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛʟʟ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴀɴ sᴏʀᴇ ᴊᴜs ʜᴇᴀʀɪɴ ʙᴏᴜᴛ ɪᴛ. ʏᴇʀ ɪɴ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴇʀ ᴍᴇss ʏᴀ ɴᴏʙ ʜᴇᴀᴅ.
twitch chat
Kripp
Pickpocket hot tip
twitchquotes:
Hot tip: When someone yells pickpocket start searching for your wallet in the groin area and exclaim 'Thank God my wallet is safely tucked between my testicles'. The pickpocket will see this and assume that the wallet is there. These people usually have very supple and delicate hands so when they try to take your wallet you will instead get a pleasant fondling to your genital area.
twitch chat