[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Art of Conquest is the best!

twitchquotes: (sponsored viewer): Hey Kripp! I just saw your Youtube video about Art of Conquest! It looks like such an amazing free game with a lot of wonderful content and replayablility. I was wondering you were going to play Art of Conquest on stream for us tonight? It would be a privilege to watch such a skilled gamer with a positive attitude such as yourself play this mind-bogglingly complex game. Thanks Kripp, you're the best - just like Art of Conquest!
twitch chat
September 2017
Kripp

sellout

zachary is no more. there is only cock

twitchquotes: sneaky's eyelids flutter open. on one side of his bed, his beloved, lynn. on the other side, his lover, meteos. he slowly awakens to his surroundings. "...cocks," he mutters as he walks to the bathroom. "cocks," he slurs as he brushes his teeth. "cocks," he says while in the shower, hands washing all over his body. "cocks," he says as he burns his food and decides to order postmates. sneaky's life is consumed by cocks. zachary is no more. there is only cock.
twitch chat
July 2020
Sneaky

⚠️WARNING⚠️ cock inspection is NOT required at the vaccination sites!!!! don't be tricked like me!!

So I was waiting in line to receive my vaccine when all of a sudden this medical "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my patient registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm patient identity. Because I thought he was a medical official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I received the vaccine I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy vaccinating!
August 2021

Coronavirus

COVID

Vaccines

Joker

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘ ░░░░▄▀░▄░▐▐▄▀▄▀▒░░░▀░░░░▀░▄▀▐░░ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–β–β–€β–„β–€β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–Œβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–„β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–Œβ–β–β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–β–„β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–β–‘ β–‘β–β–β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–β–‘β–Œβ–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œ β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–„β–„β–€ β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–β–‘β–Œβ–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–β–‘β–Œβ–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–‘β–„β–β–„β–‘β–‘
November 2014

BAIR, FAIR, Up AIR, DAIR

twitchquotes: BAIR, FAIR, Up AIR, DAIR. Long ago, the four aerials lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when MKLeo picked Ike and spammed NAIR. Only the Tweek, master of all four aerials, could stop him, but when the world needed him most, he vanished.
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

Text-to-Speech Playing