[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Reynad's peak performance in salt manufacturing

twitchquotes: Hello Reynad I am Terry Davison from the Texas Salt making factory. Our buisness would like to invest in your salt revenues as we have sensed a peak performance. Pls no pepper.
twitch chat
April 2014
Reynad

I want to play Patron Warrior but I'm missing some components

twitchquotes: Hey Reynad, I want to play Patron Warrior but I'm missing some components. I don't have Grim Patron, Frothing Berserker, Warsong Commander, the Warrior class, and the Hearthstone game. Can you suggest some replacements?
twitch chat
August 2015
Reynad

Hearthstone

So as a joke, I fucked my friend in a Red M&M cosplay

So as a joke, I went to my friend's house wearing Red M&M’s wrapper and shoes. I could barely stop my laughter as he went as red as an M&M and looked at me from head to toe with a bit of drool in his mouth. The way he stared made mde feel a bit funny too, but I decided to tease him more by taking off my wrapper. He asked me, "Are you serious?" and I said "It’s that kind of party." He went silent for what seemed like forever, so I asked him, "What's the matter, can’t resist my chocolaty interior?" He said he's confused, but then his boner got really hard, which made me take off his clothes. I expected him to scream, "Stop!" as I kissed him and stroked his cock, but he instead shouted "I melt in your mouth, not in your hands!" which made me get a boner myself. Before I knew it, I was blowing him for the first time till he came. His semen was so thick, it got stuck inside my throat no matter how hard I swallowed. He then said, "I want to fuck you now!" and seeing that we've already gone that far and we were both naked, I obliged. A few hours later, the jerk went all pale and said to me "Why did we do that? Now I'm not fucking straight." But he still looked so cute all confused like that, so I took pity on him and reassured while wiping his cum off my face, "Let's just pretend I'ms till Red M&M."
September 2021

how are people who chat on twitch streams so annoying?

twitchquotes: how are people who chat on twitch streams so annoying? like wtf is even omeglol? and y do yall spam emojis, spam pog, and send messages like "blah blah blah :) blah blah blah :) blah blah blah :) blah blah blah"? like calm down its not that serious.
twitch chat
December 2020

Middle finger

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘ ░░░▄▀▀▀▀▄▒▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▄▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░ ░░▐▒▄▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▄▄▄▒▒▒▒▒▀▄▄▐░░ β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–€β–’β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–„β–’β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–’β–Œβ–€β–β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘ ░░░░▐▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐▒▒▀▒▐░░░ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▄▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░░░ β–‘β–‘β–„β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ ▀▒▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░▄▄░░░ ░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░▐░░▐░░ ░░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▄▄▄▄▄▀░▄▄▐░░▐▄▄ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β– ░░░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐▐ ░░░░▐░░░░░░░░▐
June 2017
Text-to-Speech Playing