[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Time to get ready for big daddy HOE Biden

The results 📈are in and our gurl 💃🏻 sanders is out 🏳️‍🌈. Time to get ready for big daddy HOE Biden. He's cumming 💦💦 to DOMINATE🤼‍♂️ our HEAD of state 🍊 and his bitch💁🏻‍♀️ mike pence. He may be a donkey but he's big as a horse 🍆🐴 and is ready to touch 👋🤫😈 the hearts 💞of all Americans 🇺🇸. Cum erection day 🗳 y'all sluts better fill that hole 👉🏻👌 next to biden and relase✊ America's aching 🤤throbbing 😮 desire for green 🤑🤑energy, a ban 🛑on those naughty big black guns💪🏾, and more money to pay💵💰💸 those slutty nurses 👩‍⚕️💁‍♀️ to make us all feel better 👄🥴. Cum 💦 hoevember help the needy 👅🧎🏻‍♂️ by supporting big daddy Biden 👨🏻‍🦳and naughty Nancy💁‍♀️👏 and give dirty Donald 🎩, bitch McConnell 🐢, and those filthy 😷😏 reSUBlicans🐘 blue balls🔵. Send to 🔟 of your most deviant 😈democrats. If you get 5️⃣back ur a Biden bitch 💅🏻💵. if u get 🔟 u will spend a hot 🔥 December⛄️night with those skanks at the ERECToral 😏🍆 college 🏛.)
May 2022

Emoji Pasta

Politics

Joe Biden

When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade (Portal)

When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
May 2021

NOT. SELLING. GAMESTOP.

🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 NOT. FUCKING. SELLING. 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 NOT PRESSING “SELL” ON 1. FUCKING. SHARE. 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 I’LL GO TO $0.00 BEFORE BILLIONAIRES GET ONE MORE PENNY FROM US. 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 CAN’T STOP. WON’T STOP. GAMESTOP. 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 TOMORROW, I THINK I’LL BE HOLDING THE LINE. MAYBE MAKE SOME TENDIES, TOO. 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 I’LL SEE EVERY ONE OF YOU BEAUTIFUL APES ON PLUTO SOON, AND IT’S GOING TO JUST BE A SEA OF SPARKLING DIAMOND. 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 💎 🤚 I LOVE YOU, ALL, AND I’M NOT SELLING, AND I’M NOT FUCKING LEAVING. NOT ONE. FUCKING. SHARE!!! 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀
February 2021

WallStreetBets

Ricardo

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢴⡶⣶⣶⣶⡒⣶⣶⣖⠢⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣋⣿⣿⣉⣿⣿⣯⣧⡰⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣏⣿⣿⡗⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠟⡛⣉⣭⣭⣭⠌⠛⡻⢿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⡌⣿⣷⣯⣭⣿⡆⣈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣷⣽⣿⣿⣿⢿⠃⣼⣧⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣛⣻⣿⠟⣀⡜⣻⢿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⣀⣨⣥⣾⢟⣧⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢟⣫⣯⡻⣋⣵⣟⡼⣛⠴⣫⣭⣽⣿⣷⣭⡻⣦⡀⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⢏⣽⣿⢋⣾⡟⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢹⣷⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⢣⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⡇⣾⣿⠏⠉⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡆ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⡇⣿⣿⡆⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡇ ⠇⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⡘⣿⣿⣷⢀⣿⣷⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⡇⣩⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣷⠙⠛⠋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡇
May 2019

Dear Twitch Partners, Our community members are always our priority

twitchquotes: Dear 👋 Twitch Partners 🤝 , Our 👉 community members 👪 are always ☑️ our priority 🛑. We received 📥 some reports ❗ describing ⌨️ the discomfort ☹️ some of our members 🗣️ felt after a Twitch Rivals 🤼 participant used "KE*W" and "mo*kaS," 😶 both emotes are often ⏲️ used in toxic 💀 contexts. Please 🙏 refrain from using such emotes, and use KEKHeim & CaitlynS instead 👍. Best regards 👋, Twitch Team 💌
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November 2021
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