[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Today is the day I copypasta

twitchquotes: (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง I have been training since before I was born, and today is the day. Today is the day I spam. (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Nam or die

⣿⠛⠛⠻⣿⣿⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⠛⣿⣿⠛⠛⠛⢻ ⣿⠄⠄⡀⠈⢿⠄⠄⣿⡟⠉⢉⣉⠉⠙⢿⣿⠄⢰⠄⠹⠇⠄⡆⠄⢸ ⣿⠄⠄⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⣿⡋⠉⠡⠶⠂⠄⢸⣿⠄⢸⣇⠄⠄⣼⡇⠄⢸ ⣿⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣷⣶⣾⣿⣶⣾⣿⣶⣶⣿⣷⣶⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠰⣾⡆⠄⢈⣿⠄⠄⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⠉⣉⡉⠉⠛⢿⣿⠉⠉⢹⣿⠉⠉⢉⣉⣉⣉⣹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⡆⠄⢈⣿⠄⠄⢸⣿⠄⠄⢈⣉⣉⣉⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠉⠉⣀⣀⣾⣿⠄⠄⢸⣿⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⢹⣿⣿⣿
January 2019

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

Kripp and Arthus

twitchquotes: My son the day you were born, the very websites of internet whispered the name: Kripparian.My child, I watched with pride as you grew into a gamer of hardcoreness.Remember, our family always played hardcore with friends and I know you will never play casual scrubcore shit, but the truest hardcoreness is my son is the entertaining your viewers. I tell you this for when my days come to an end you shall not be casual.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp
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