[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Buying calls on Gamestop

I can't believe that after fifteen years of trading, my best trade of all time is going to be buying calls on fucking Gamestop.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

TriHard

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–„โ–‘ โ–€โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–Œ โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–Œโ–’โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–’โ–‘โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–“โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–„โ–’โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–“โ–โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–Œโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014

Riot's script for Worlds

twitchquotes: The year is 2046. Faker's mind has been uploaded to a robotic host. With SKT's 33rd World Championship victory, every champion in the game now has SKT skins. NA still hasn't reached semis, EU is still salty, and China continues to choke. Such is Riot's script.
twitch chat
October 2016

League of Legends

I am not a simp.

twitchquotes: And I want to say this to the kings in the audience. Iโ€™ve made my mistakes in my chase for coochie. But in all of my years of chad life, I have never simpedโ€“ never simped for a girl. Iโ€™ve earned every bit of cooch. And in all of my years of chad life, I have never paid for the meal. Because people have got to know whether or not Iโ€™m a simp. Well, Iโ€™m not a simp. Iโ€™ve never simped for any girl Iโ€™ve got. I am not a simp.
twitch chat
July 2020

Simps

BAIR, FAIR, Up AIR, DAIR

twitchquotes: BAIR, FAIR, Up AIR, DAIR. Long ago, the four aerials lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when MKLeo picked Ike and spammed NAIR. Only the Tweek, master of all four aerials, could stop him, but when the world needed him most, he vanished.
twitch chat
February 2019

Super Smash Bros

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing