[Copypasta] I microwaved my jizz again.

Help me gumpy I fucked up. I was jerking off to my Sylveon plushie and decided to put it in the microwave but I left it in too long and burned the jizz and the plushie. Now the whole house fucking stinks and when my parents come home tomorrow from vacation they are going to know I microwaved my jizz again. Last time this happened I had to go to counseling and I gained like 50 lbs. I really don't want to go back on medicine. How the fuck do I get rid of the smell it is in the carpets and sofa. It smells like burned hair and plastic.
June 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Wow, You’re an introvert?

twitchquotes: Wow, You’re an introvert? Thats so quirky and hilarious. What a funny socially awkward moment. Damn, you really are a comedy genius. Every time you say you’re an introvert, i burst into uncontrollable laughter. I still cant believe it. Thats super funny man. You mean you would rather sit in the dark on your computer instead of Going outdoors with some friends, getting drunk and Drunk Driving? Wow. Surely you must be the only one like that alive.
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November 2020

I'm just a memer

twitchquotes: ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ FeelsBadMan β˜‚ just a memer ヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ、ヽヽ
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June 2016
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Classic

Reynad and Kripp lay sprawled across the bed

twitchquotes: Reynad and Kripp lay sprawled across the bed, every inch of them exhausted from the rigorous topdecking that had just occurred. "Your deck was crazy" Kripp whimpered before remebering that he'd forgotten to pay. He grabbed a few coins from his emergency OJ stash. "Welcome to the five dollar club" he said as Reynad oiled up for the brofist.
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April 2015
Reynad

KappaPride

No more WalMart rollbacks for you

twitchquotes: Dear imaqtpie,My name is Nightblue3 and i hate you for trolling me out of challenger. This is your official warning - I have reported you to the security professionals at WalMart. You will be banned on site. No more rollbacks for you.
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

You didn't ask? (response to Who Asked?)

You didn't ask? That's amazing, are you a dictator? A god? The most important person in the world? No? Then why would you say that like it matters? "I come out as a homosexual, this is really hard for me and I hope you respect that." "Did I ask?" no, you did not ask, we couldn't care less if you asked, you are nothing compared to the universe. Do you think your opinion holds a higher meaning than anyone else's? You could've said anything, something creative, even an ok or you not saying a word would be better than the phrase "Did I ask?" we get it, you never asked, but did anyone ask about you asking? Even if you said that you traveled the world to find out who asked, who asked you to do that? You didn't ask for their opinion, but nobody asked if you care at all. You aren't creative or smart. Even a caveman grunts and ooga boogas would be better than that phrase. Now stop pretending to be a god and go back to school to learn how to respect people
November 2021

Who Asked?

Text-to-Speech Playing