Have you even been walking down the street with your best bro, and while you're walking you accidentally touch hands. You think to yourself, "that was weird, but, I'm not gay".
You are. You are gay.
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I want to fuck the Samsung girl
Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad Iβve done nothing but think about her. I canβt go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. Iβve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I canβt stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I canβt complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I canβt live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as Iβll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this Iβve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldnβt want it any other way.
Surprised face
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Stop calling slabs "half-slabs," you fucking imbeciles.
Stop calling slabs "half-slabs," you fucking imbeciles. A slab is half a block. If you say "half-slab," you're literally saying "half half block," or in other words, "quarter-block." A slab is not a quarter of a block. It is a half of a block. There is no such thing as a quarter block.
Minecraft
I put sushi in my husbandβs butthole while he was asleep
He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
I'm going to kill that prosterino
twitchquotes:
The Prostitute asks the Kripp, "Why don't you make a D3 video?" Kripp flies into a rage and hits her with an ornate salt shaker yelling, "I'm going to kill that prosterino!" When the cops finally caught him, after the 2 hour shootout, Kripp lies bleeding on the ground and mutters weakly to the sky..."I played that perfectly, nothing I coulda done cough what a joke.."
twitch chat
Kripp