[Copypasta] Dear women who post nudes on reddit.

Stop with the fucking " I bet you'll never guess what's under my dress.." It's tits. It's always fucking tits. This is no mystery to anyone, and human anatomy has been the same for over 100k years. Seriously, shut the fuck up. You all do this. Do you really think your tits and asshole are so special that they're going to shift our collective consciousness or something? "I bet the guys at the gym wonder what's under my yoga pants." I bet they already know, and if they fucking don't, maybe you shouldn't be at a kid gym for 4 year olds.
July 2021
https://www.reddit.com/r/rant/comments/bpfpty/dear_women_who_post_nudes_on_reddit
I used to be a real ad
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Trolling My Dad's Office with Among Us (Office Series Part 6, Finale Part 3)

The other day, it was โ€œtake your kid to work dayโ€ at my dadโ€™s job. It was really epic and poggers because I got to skip school for it. As we were walking in, I couldnโ€™t help but notice that the company logo roughly resembled a crewmate from the popular game, Among Us. I asked my father, โ€œIs this the Among Us but real??โ€ My dad replied โ€œNo, son, this is the Pepsico corporate office.โ€ As we entered the building, my dad said โ€œSon, I have a lot of work to do today. You can hang out with the other kids or play on your phone, just please stay on this floor.โ€ He then entered the elevator and left. I turned to the other kids (who were all playing on their phones) and said โ€œDoes anyone wanna play some Among Us?โ€ However, no one else wanted to play. I was getting bored, so I decided to explore around a little bit. I walked into the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor.As the elevator door opened, I saw what appeared to be a long hallway. As I was walking down it, I found a door that was labeled โ€œExecutive Meeting Roomโ€. The door was unlocked, so I walked in and there were about 15 people in suits and ties around a table. They all looked up at me in confusion. One of them asked me โ€œHey buddy, are you lost?โ€ I noticed that his nametag read โ€œHugh Johnson, CFOโ€. โ€œDoes CFO stand for Chungus Fortnite Officer?โ€, I asked. โ€œNo, it does not. And where is your parent? Go back to the bottom floor young man!โ€ He was yelling at me. So I said โ€œYouโ€™re sus. I should eject you, Hugh Johnson. Do you have aโ€ฆ HUGE JOHNSON?! Thatโ€™s funny like Big Chungus, which is the Bugs Bunny from Looney Tunes but a big rabbit!โ€ I laughed. Everyone was looking up at me in shock when I said โ€œWanna play some Among Us guys?โ€ The CEO, a very sexy woman, ooga booga awooga, said โ€œYoung man, go back to the first floor now!โ€ But the sexy woman I just couldnโ€™t listen to as I admired her. โ€œNo, because you have big tits.โ€ Her jaw dropped, and she said, โ€œYoung man, this is an important meeting. Get the fuck out!โ€ She then used the intercom to call security. Coming to the realization that I was running out of time, I pulled down my pants to show everyone my Among Us underwear. I jumped up onto the meeting table and started twerking (to make sure everyone saw my among us underwear I got for Christmas) and said โ€œDo you like what you see?โ€ Everyone was yelling at me to get out as I was twerking. โ€œIโ€™m so hot~~~~โ€ I said. The yelling got louder. I ran out of the door and closed it, hoping that security wouldnโ€™t find me. I quickly ran into the elevator and went down.
March 2021

Trolling with Among Us

Among Us / Amogus

My son won't stop using "TwitchSpeak?

My son (14) watches a lot of video game streamers on Twitch.tv. I personally don't find them entertaining but I can understand why some people (like my son) do. Over the past month he's starting using terms like "pog", "jabaited", and "Kappa" which I guess are terms that are used in the scope of Twitch. I don't have an issue with my son using these terms but it's gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. We were having dinner and my daughter (age 12) was talking about how she got accepted for a summer program with the local animal shelter, and my son said "Pog you, easy clap". I told him that it was getting out of hand and that he would have to communicate normally to his parents and family. To that he said "Weird champ, feels weird man, normies omega LOL." Until he learns to communicate like a normal human being I've blacklisted Twitch from the internet for the time being. He's hysterical now but I told him that I would unblacklist it if he stopped using twitchspeak, but he's refusing to stop so for now it's banned. AITA?
May 2019

Classic

Am I The Asshole?

I think I'm addicted to settings

God, I fucking love the settings app. I can't stop fucking changing the text size and checking for the new system update. God, the little slider icon turns me on so much. Whenever there is a system update I cry because I can't go on settings again. My screen time shows 107 hours of settings a day, which isn't even fucking possible.
August 2021

Cinco de Mayo Emoji Pasta v3

Itโ€™s the end of May the Fourth 4๏ธโƒฃ ๐ŸŒŒ๐Ÿ˜ซ but that means the beginning of ๐ŸŽธ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿพ๐ŸŒตCincHOE de Mayo ๐ŸŽธ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿพ๐ŸŒต get ready to get your TACO eaten ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ’ฆ๐ŸŒฎ and gulp Papi's BURRITO ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐ŸŒฏ๐Ÿ’ฆ send this to 1๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ of your main ๐Ÿ’…๐ŸพPUTAS ๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿพwho need to be stuffed by a CHORIZO ๐ŸŒญ๐Ÿ’ฆ if you get 5๏ธโƒฃ back you're a border hopping ๐Ÿ’๐ŸฝCHOLA ๐Ÿ’๐ŸฝIf you get 1๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ back you're a ๐Ÿ’š Green card HOE๐Ÿ’š If you get 1๏ธโƒฃ5๏ธโƒฃ back you're the๐Ÿ’ƒ๐ŸฝTelenovela main BITCH ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿฝ If you get 0๏ธโƒฃ back you're getting deported by Trump! ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿšง๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ Have a happy CincHOE de Mayo and don't let la Migra get you!!
May 2022

Cinco de Mayo

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

Anime girl 3

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–โ–โ–โ–’โ–’โ–โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–’โ–€โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–Œโ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–Œโ–Œโ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–Œ โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–โ–โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–„ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’
ascii art
January 2017

Weebs

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