[Copypasta] Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021
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Happy Thanksgiving emoji

Happy ๐Ÿฆƒ Thanksgiving ๐Ÿฆƒ! Guess what ๐Ÿ˜ฏโ“itโ€™s that time โฐ of year ๐Ÿ—“ to gobble ๐Ÿฆƒ gobble ๐Ÿฆƒ gobble ๐Ÿฆƒ up โฌ†๏ธ those dicks ๐Ÿ† chicks ๐Ÿฅ and bicks ๐Ÿคจ (big dicks) ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ I bet ๐Ÿ˜ youโ€™re all ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ค HORNY-copia ๐ŸŒฝ ๐Ÿฅ”๐Ÿฅ•๐ŸŒถ๐Ÿ†โ™‹๏ธ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘Œ for SKANKS-giving ๐Ÿคช๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿคค๐Ÿคค๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ youโ€™ll be saying ๐Ÿ’ฌ thanks ๐Ÿ™ for giving me all ๐Ÿ˜ซ this ๐Ÿ˜ซ COCK ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿฅณ send this to ๐Ÿ”Ÿ of your thiccest sluts with those hot ๐Ÿฅต hot ๐Ÿ”ฅ tasty ๐Ÿคค๐Ÿ˜‹ peach pies ๐Ÿฅง ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ if you know ๐Ÿค” what I mean โ˜บ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜‹ if you get 1๏ธโƒฃ back ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ˜ก then you and that slut ๐Ÿคค๐Ÿคค๐Ÿคค๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ have to appropriate Native American culture together ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿชถ๐Ÿ• if you get 3๏ธโƒฃ back ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿค‘ youโ€™re going to get your turkey ๐Ÿฆƒ eaten ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜ tomorrow night ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ if you get 5๏ธโƒฃ back ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘€ you will be eating your cousinโ€™s ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป peach ๐Ÿ‘ pie ๐Ÿฅง just like youโ€™ve always ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏwanted ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿคค๐Ÿฅต if you get 7๏ธโƒฃ back ๐Ÿ›ถ youโ€™ll become ๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ˜ฒ a pilgrim ๐ŸŽฉ๐Ÿ‘ž and be the villain ๐Ÿฆนโ€โ™€๏ธ of American ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ history ๐Ÿ“–๐Ÿ“•๐Ÿ“š ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜” if you get all 1๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ back ๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿคฏ youโ€™ll be feasting ๐Ÿคค๐Ÿ˜ this thanksgiving ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘€ in more ways than one ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿšผ๐Ÿ’˜ okay you sexy ๐Ÿ˜‡ sexy ๐Ÿ˜ˆ gobbling turkey poos ๐Ÿฆƒ๐Ÿฆƒ๐Ÿฆƒ itโ€™s time โฐ for me to go โžก๏ธ atone ๐Ÿคฃfor the sins โœ๏ธ ๐Ÿ˜”of my ancestors๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿผโ€โค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ’‹โ€๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿคฑ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคช
January 2024

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Thanksgiving

Kripp's wife Hafu and future son Dennis Morosan

twitchquotes: hello kripp, I am from the future. I am best friends with your son, Dennis Morosan. Your wife, Hafu, sent me to tell you Well Met and to message her how much you value penguins and OJ
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

DL aka โ€œDropped Liabilityโ€ is an ex-ADC player for TL

twitchquotes: DL aka โ€œDropped Liabilityโ€ is an ex-ADC player for TL that is often ridiculed for his inability to use the summoner spell Flash. He is specifically known for his โ€œEveryone is trashโ€ mindset, which he only recently realized applied mostly to himself.
twitch chat
March 2020
Doublelift

League of Legends

The prodigal son has returned

twitchquotes: Papparin opens the door to see a hobo squating outside his house. He hugs the lankey figure and tears drip onto a Diablo 2 shirt that has seen better times. "Tonight we feast," Papparin says as he begins to prepare a meal of falafel. Kripp flops down on his bed, surrounded by empty OJ cartons from a year ago. The prodigal son has returned.
twitch chat
June 2015
Kripp

My donger is half my age

twitchquotes: โ—• อœ ส– อก อกโ—• ษช แด**แด›แดœส€ส™แด€แด›แด‡ แดกษชแด›สœ ษดษชแด แด‡แด€ แด„ส€แด‡แด€แด ษดแดแดก แดส แด…แดษดษขแด‡ส€ ษชs สœแด€สŸา“ แดส แด€ษขแด‡ อกโ—• อœ ส– อก อกโ—•
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
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