God, I fucking love the settings app. I can't stop fucking changing the text size and checking for the new system update. God, the little slider icon turns me on so much. Whenever there is a system update I cry because I can't go on settings again. My screen time shows 107 hours of settings a day, which isn't even fucking possible.
I used to be a real ad
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President's Day Emoji Pasta
ITS PRESIDENTS DAY SLUTS!! ๐จ๐จ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธtime to hop onto that founding father dick๐๐๐๐ด๐ป๐ด๐ป๐ด๐ป๐ด๐ปor should i say founding DADDIES!!!๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐๐
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๐ฆ๐ฆ out here tryna get rammed from behind ๐๐๐๐harder than the rock of MOUNT RUSHMOREโ๏ธโ๏ธโฐ๐๐george washington mightve been able to survive the harsh โ๏ธโ๏ธ๐ฌwinters๐ฌโ๏ธโ๏ธ of valley forge, but can he handle the conditions between the sheets๐ช๐โโโbe the monica Lewinsky ๐๐ปto my bill clinton๐โโ๏ธ baby and i wont deny i had ๐๐โ๏ธsexual relationsโ๏ธ๐๐ with you!!! crack the whip down harder on your bae than ronald Reagan did on welfare programs๐ธ๐ธ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธโ๐ปsend this to FIVE of your baddest presidential PRINCESSES๐ธ๐ผ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐ธ๐ผwho will throw the nastiest neck๐๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฌ๐ฆ on this AMERICAN BEAUT OF A DAY๐๐๐๐จโค๏ธ if you get 10 back, be prepared for the president to enter the oval office of you PUSSY tonight๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ
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Holiday Emoji
President's Day
She needs a man that can treat her right
twitchquotes:
What the fuck man. I'm literally sitting here on the verge of tears. Slaving away in this dead end job saving up for the end of the month splash. I was this close. Maybe I should have done that overtime, if I could get her that money earlier I might have been able to convince her in the dono message. She needs a man that can treat her right, a man like me. I would open the car door for her EVERY TIME, I would pull out her chair at a restaurant, I would lay my twitch hoodie over puddles to protect her from the filth.
twitch chat
Simps
Sleeping naked is a power move anyways
Sleeping naked is a power move anyways.
โข โ Burglar breaks in boom Iโm up and naked. Heโs too distracted trying to determine if Iโm a man or woman because of my massive bush to notice me reaching for my glock fawty.
โ โข โ When I pee or poop in my sleep from the nightmares I donโt get any clothes dirty just the sheets.
โข โ Save money on not having to run an AC in the summer time so I can buy my wife more lingerie for her boyfriend to appreciate.
I want to fuck a cheeseburger
I want to fuck a cheeseburger. Just having that cheesy goodness melt all around my cock would make me feel at ease with the world again. Being able to cum inside a dead cow makes me feel so alive. I have been banned from 231 McDonaldโs for public masturbation. Whenever I see an ad for McDonaldโs I get so fucking horny. God I want to fuck a cheeseburger.
Things escalated from there
twitchquotes:
I lost my virginity while listening to this song 5 years ago, it's a funny story really.. i had just finished my gym workout and i was in the locker room all sweaty, and in walks this leather dressed jabroni.. he seemed confused as to where he was.. i told him he might have gotten the wrong door, then he got very rude and said "fuck you", then i said "nah fuck you leatherman" and then things escalated from there
twitch chat