In the 2002 TV film "It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie", there's a part where an angel shows Kermit an alrernate reality where he was never born. For whatever reason, the editors didn't really think about it, and continued to use footage with the twin towers still standing for this scene; however, they aren't there in his original universe. Therefore, something that Kermit did in his life, did in fact cause 9/11 in Muppet lore.
I used to be a real ad
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We subbed because we have cash, non-subs are trash
twitchquotes:
Hey you poor, underaged trash. You know what the symbol next to my name means? Means I am sub. Means im VIP. Means I got cash. What you got? You got sh!t. You poor non-sub trash ought to pay me and my sub-bros some respect. We subbed because we have cash. Real life jobs, real life credit
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Kripp
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Classic
Molediver Hypers
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠉⢿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⠋⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠋⠉⠉⠛⠻⣿⣿⠃⣾⡇⢸⣿⠟⢡⡆⢸
⡿⠿⡏⢸⣇⢹⣿⠟⠛⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⡿⠋⢥⡀⠈⠻⢰⣿⡇⠸⠏⣴⣿⠄⣼
⠄⡄⠁⢸⣿⡄⠏⠄⡆⠘⡄⠄⠄⠈⣭⣵⣿⡎⣅⣠⡤⠘⠟⣡⣶⣶⣍⠋⠄⡙
⠄⣿⠄⢘⣋⣃⠄⢀⣿⠄⢃⠄⠄⠄⠙⠿⠟⠁⢹⣇⣀⣤⣤⣶⡤⠈⣿⡆⢠⡇
⠄⡿⢰⣿⣿⣿⡧⢸⣿⡆⠞⣀⠄⣀⣀⣤⣴⣾⣿⡿⠿⠋⠉⢉⠠⣾⣿⣷⢸⢀
⡀⠃⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡇⢀⣨⣿⣿⡿⠟⢋⣉⡀⠰⣾⡄⠄⣿⡇⢹⣿⣿⠘⣼
⣷⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣙⠿⠁⣿⠿⠋⡁⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣷⠈⠄⣀⣈⣁⣈⣉⠹⡀⣿
⣿⡄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢰⣶⣿⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⠁⣿
⣿⡇⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠸⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠻⠿⠋⣰⣧⠙⢿⣿⣿⠃⣸⢰⣿
⣿⣿⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⣠⣴⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡤⢀⣴⡿⢨⣿
⣿⣿⡄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⣠⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿
⣿⣿⣇⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠈⠙⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠁⠄⢺⣿⣿⣿⠇⢸⣿
Teamfight Tactics
Laughing crying
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠋⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⠙⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢁⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡟⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⢻⣿⣿
⣿⡟⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻⣿
⣿⢀⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⡀⣿
⡇⢸⣿⣿⠋⣠⡾⠿⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠻⢷⣄⠙⣿⣿⡇⢸
⡇⢸⣿⣿⣾⣿⢀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⣿⣷⣾⣿⡇⢸
⡇⠸⠟⣫⣥⣶⣧⠹⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠏⣼⣶⣬⣍⠻⠇⢸
⡧⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢰⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⡆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢼
⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠈⠙⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠋⠁⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸
⣿⣌⡻⠿⠿⢋⣴⣦⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⢀⣴⣦⡙⠿⠿⢟⣡⣾
⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⡀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⡿⠋⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣉⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣌⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣡⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
An exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke
Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin.
Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time.
I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.