Sleeping naked is a power move anyways.
• Burglar breaks in boom I’m up and naked. He’s too distracted trying to determine if I’m a man or woman because of my massive bush to notice me reaching for my glock fawty.
• When I pee or poop in my sleep from the nightmares I don’t get any clothes dirty just the sheets.
• Save money on not having to run an AC in the summer time so I can buy my wife more lingerie for her boyfriend to appreciate.
I used to be a real ad
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DONGER DIPLOMACY
twitchquotes:
(ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง LET ME DEMONSTRATE DONGER DIPLOMACY (ง ͠° ل͜ °)ง
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imaqtpie
So me and my bros wanted to once and for all test the hypothesis that we are all living in a matrix.
So me and my bros wanted to once and for all test the hypothesis that we are all living in a matrix. We came to the conclusion that a matrix could only run so smoothly because of our predictable behaviour. For example, if you eat it is likely that you swallow your food. Therefore, the matrix would be ready to initiate a digestion program. But if a group of people did something unpredictable, the matrix would shut down.
So what we did is we randomly started gang banging each other. The matrix could have never predicted that because that is like super gay. But nothing happened (matrix-wise).
But this is not point why am I writing about this. My friends now want to do the gang-banging shit again and I am not sure how to respond to that.
Apple announces an EV program
Oh boy I can't wait until 2024 when I can wake up to my Apple Homepod Siri alarm and check my Apple Watch for notifications and take a shower in my Apple Big Douche then put my makeup on before work in my Apple Mirror then take my Apple Car to my job at Apple Phone Plant #584 so I can work on my Mac Pro workstation designing the latest Apple Product the iShit smart toilet that syncs with your iAsshole to sense when you have a massive log brewing in my large intestine and sends me a notification to my apple colonoscopy bag. Russian hackers will know what I had for dinner.
WallStreetBets
69 is so funny
twitchquotes:
69 is so funny. Whenever I hear it, I just burst out laughing. I run out into the living room and grab the Tv remote. I start flicking through the channels. “You guys, it’s so funny, you’ll laugh so hard!” I can barely get it out as I’m laughing so hard, banging the table and snickering while I flick through the TV channels. I finally get to The CW, and the number 69 is on the bottom right-hand corner of the screen! My family and friends who were over all stand up in tremendous applause, and my wife and children come back from upstate to be with my comedic genius!
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That's not his knee
twitchquotes:
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) that's not his knee ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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Kripp