[Copypasta] You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you

You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to.
September 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

My laptop gets hot when chat is spammed

twitchquotes: Guys can you please not spam the chat. My mom bought me this new laptop and it gets really hot when the chat is being spamed. Now my leg is starting to hurt because it is getting so hot. Please, if you don't want me to get burned, then dont spam the chat
twitch chat
August 2014

Classic

Tricky the Clown (Madness)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠟⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⡤⠤⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠲⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠻⢟⣿⠟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠳⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠒⢯⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠒⠤⡀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠀⠙⠓⠤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢀⡶⠴⠞⠳⠋⢉⠽⢷⡒⢲⠇⠀⠀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣿⠁⣄⣠⣀⣄⢀⠀⠀⠈⢰⢎⣀⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣄⠀⢀⣀⣀⡴⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢂⡖⠤⣈⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⢹⠉⠀⢧⠀⡞⢉⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⡋⠸⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠏⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⢸⡄⠀⠈⠻⢻⠈⠀⠈⡙⠻⠛⠻⠛⠀⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⡰⡿⠁⡤⢎⢫⠙⢿⣿ ⣿⡿⡁⠀⡐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡿⠀⠀⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠶⠴⠦⢤⣠⠀⠀⢤⣰⠧⢾⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⢸⣣⡗⠲⡋⣋⠹⢾⢙⣿ ⣿⢿⠁⠀⠡⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⣆⢰⠀⠘⡄⠀⠀⠀⢳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⠁⠀⡄⠀⢸⡀⢳⡠⠻⢄⣉⣱⠝⣿ ⡏⠈⠁⠀⠀⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠙⡆⠀⠸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣡⠀⠀⢳⣞⠛⢦⣤⣧⣼⣾⣿ ⣧⠀⢰⡇⠀⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠁⠀⢀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠄⣀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⣀⠔⢹⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣬⣿⠀⠀⠀⢩⡿⠾⠷⠛⠉⠈⣿ ⣿⠀⢸⣇⠀⠘⠓⠲⢶⣄⡴⠃⣠⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠉⢩⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⢻⡄⠀⠀⠘⡇⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⣿ ⣿⣿⣦⣭⣭⣿⠲⠞⠋⠀⢀⡜⠉⠁⠀⠀⠉⠐⠠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡈⠽⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⡘⢷⡿⢦⣤⣼⣣⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣴⣾⠿⠒⠛⠛⠒⠲⠤⣀⠀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢀⣠⠤⠤⠤⢤⣀⡙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠞⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣄⠀⠀⣠⣾⣻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣾⣶⣾⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2021

I am bullied for loving the Kripparrian

twitchquotes: Eᴠᴇʀʏ ᴅᴀʏ ᴀᴛ sᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ɪ ᴀᴍ ʙᴜʟʟɪᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ʟᴏᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪᴀɴ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴋɪᴅs ʟᴀᴜɢʜ ᴀɴᴅ sᴀʏ "ʜᴇ ɪsɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴀʟ" ᴏʀ "ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴜᴄᴋ ɪs ᴀ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪᴀɴ". ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ. ɪ ᴘʟᴀɴ ᴛᴏ sᴏᴏɴ ʙᴜɪʟᴅ ᴀɴ OJ ʙᴏᴍʙ ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴏᴡᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ʟᴀᴜɢʜɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ʟᴏɴɢ
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

I hate April Fool's Day

I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
April 2021

The tragedy of Darth Kripparian the Salty

twitchquotes: Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Kripparian the Salty? I thought not. It’s not a story the streamer would tell you. It’s a Salt legend. Darth Kripparian was a Dark Lord of the Salt, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create salt… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he couldn't even keep the cards he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be salty.
twitch chat
April 2017
Kripp

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

salty

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