[Copypasta] You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you

You abhorrent scum. You ignorant fool. I will sue you. You are going to be the target of the greatest lawsuit the world has ever seen. You don't know why? It's completely obvious. It's so obvious, the most deplorable peasant could grasp the full magnitude of your wickedness and treachery with the greatest of ease. Your actions cry out for mercy, and I will be happy to deliver it. And if you're thinking this is a mistake, or merely a deception of mine, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. I have indisputable proof of your continued harassment and other offenses. Even without it, the jury would take one look at you and decide. The incomprehensible magnitude of your crimes brings with it unavoidable, infinite guilt, and whether you notice it or not, everyone else does. Are you interested in who will be serving as the offense attorney? I'll tell you. It's my father. Your defense? It doesn't matter, in fact, they might just not give you one even to spare just one individual from the trauma. My father is the greatest lawyer in the US, the world, and human history, including the future, which he knows due to the fact that he sued the future and they travelled back in time to tell him. He's served for hundreds of Supreme Court cases, and he's won every single one. You may have never thought about being court-marshaled, but now, that's a real threat. That is the power of my father, a culmination of flawless, supreme logic and a perfect knowledge of the law. You will lose this case, your money, and your life. Does that scare you, insignificant bug? Because it should. The entire history of the U.S. Judicial System has been leading up to this moment, where all of its fury is concentrated on ruining your life. My father won't even need to help. Your heinous crimes will be evident to all, so just give up, you crook. Give up before you're forced to.
September 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Professional Iron Players league

twitchquotes: I think it's really nice that Riot Games™ provides iron players a league to play "professionally" in. They even let this so called "LCS" participate at Worlds with up to 3 teams! It really shows how progressive Riot Games™ really is.
twitch chat
July 2020
LCS

League of Legends

Leifman is part of the Third Reich

twitchquotes: when leifman mod the chat automatically go to r9k. leifman delete the pasta and feel he is one with the adolf. all becoming third reich.ž
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Lying about service dogs

I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask; ‘Is it a service dog?’ With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to. If at first they say ‘no’ I reply with ‘are you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?’with another big wink Always works. I love dogs
July 2021

Team Liquid / TL

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⠀⠀⢰⣦⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⡀⠀⠹⣿⣿⡆⠀⢸⣿⡿⢻⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠹⣿⣷⠀⠸⠋⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣤⡀⠀⠈⠻⢿⣿⣦⡀⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣷⣦⣄⡀⠙⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠛⠻⠿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠓⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢠⣤⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠸⠿⠿⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣷⡀⢄⡈⠒⣨⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣷⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⣀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⡷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
February 2019

I’ve been wondering if I might be a gay

Recently, I’ve been wondering if I might be a gay. It all started a week ago. I was sitting on the toilet, pooping, when all of a sudden, a big shit turd comes out of my ass. It was huge. Big big. It’s so fucking big, I gotta look down into the toilet to check for blood. No blood, but the turd is fucking massive. I notice something strange about it. The end of the turd, sticking out of the water, looks like a dick head. A penis head. Needless to say, I was concerned. How could this be? I picked it up from the water, and put it back up my ass. To my surprise, it felt good. I then shit it back into the water. Splash. I then repeated this a few more times, moaning out “Oscar Winning actor Anthony Hopkins” each time. I am not sure if I am now gay. My boyfriend says it’s completely normal, but he’s gay, so I can’t trust him.
May 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing