[Copypasta] Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Not financial advise

I'm starting to think the people telling me to buy BB at $20 were being serious about not being financial advisors
April 2021

WallStreetBets

If Apple opens super green tomorrow

If Apple opens super green tomorrow, I will buy a green Apple and cut a 1/4in hole in it and fuck it with my peen.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Discovering a way to produce eggs much like a chicken does

twitchquotes: Hello, i come to seek help. I am interested in trying to discover a way to produce eggs much like a chicken does. i have tested inserting the egg into myself and hoping it will act like a seed and grow like a tree in my belly but so far it has not been successful. Please help i struggle to sleep at night without an answer.
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen

Ubuntu logo

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣶⣾⣷⣶⣆⠸⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿ ⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣷⡈⠻⠿⠟⠻⠿⢿⣷⣤⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿ ⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹ ⠁⠀⠀⢀⣤⣤⡘⢿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⣉⣉⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⢡⣾⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀ ⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸ ⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⡿⢁⣴⣶⣦⣴⣶⣾⡿⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿ ⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⠿⢿⡿⠿⠏⢰⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
January 2022

I am the BM in the lethal, the salt in the defeat

twitchquotes: The stream starts, and so my spam begins. It shall not end until i am banned. I shall fear no mod, sub to no streamer. I shall live and die in the Chat. For i am the value in the bomber. I am the BM in the lethal. I am the salt in the defeat. I pledge my keyboard to the Chat, for this stream and all the streams to come.
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

Classic

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing