[Copypasta] Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I can't stop staring at Sneaky's sexy face

twitchquotes: I woke up this morning ready to play some LoL. I went to the toilet and did my business like every day before making some green tea. I sat at my PC ready to play but then I had the thought: maybe I should check what's on Twitch. That was 8 hours ago and now I can't stop staring at Sneaky's sexy face.
twitch chat
May 2020
Sneaky

The year is 2025. MoonMoon lies on his deathbed

twitchquotes: The year is 2025. MoonMoon_Ow lies on his deathbed, the countless years of oatmeal infighting finally having taken their toll. He struggles to adjust his eyes to the glare of his computer screen, yearning to view his beloved twitch chat one more time. All he sees is degenerate weeb spam. His eyes brim with tears. He begins gasping his final breath, and in his final moments he hits the hardest dab known to humanity
twitch chat
January 2018
MOONMOON

Trolling My Dad's Office with Among Us (Office Series Part 5, Finale 2)

That's right. I am the IMPOSTER. I just killed my boss. I now had to convince everyone that I wasn't the imposter. "Chad is the imposter!" I randomly yelled out. Another coworker said "Well, I did see him running towards the stairs/elevator. "Wait, think about this!" Chad stated. "How do you know I'm the murderer? It could be him!" "Hmm.." My coworker, John, said. "Why do you think it's him, Darrius?" "Well," I started, "The same reason as you. I saw him running towards the elevator when the killing happened. "Wait, wait, wait!" Angelica proclaimed. "How do we know it happened on the top floor?" Another coworker, Adam, pointed out the window towards the paramedics wrapping up my boss' mangled corpse in a body bag." Oh!" Angelica said." That's a bit sussy," I said. "I think it must have been Angelica, she's pretending she doesn't know anything?" "Hmm, you might be right." My coworker Dave spoke up. "But I think that it might be you, Darrius." "Wait woah woah, why is it me?" I defended myself. He said "I saw you enter the elevator right before the murderer hit!" He said. Shit. he's onto me." Woah, you could be lying! I was in my cubicle doing my office work!" I yelled back." Oh really, what were you doing?" Dave said." I was uh.. scanning for viruses on my computer!" "Hmm.. okay." "I think that we should get rid of Liam." Angelica proclaimed. "Woah woah woah, pretty lady! Why do you think that?" He quickly hopped to his defense. "I haven't been a part of this discussion at all!" "Well, you're pale, and you work on the closest floor to the boss." Angelica replies. "Yeah, that's sus, Liam." I said. "We should get rid of him." "I agree." Chad said." Me too!" Adam said." Me three!" John said. And so we decided to throw him out the window.
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Trolling with Among Us

forsenDDK

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢿⣿⡿⢿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡻⢹⣯⣔⢄⠦⠄⡐⠰⠈⡭⠾⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣳⡟⢟⣛⠵⠁⠂⠄⠄⠄⠈⠁⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠊⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠸⠇⠄⠘⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⡤⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣢⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣈⣀⠄⠄⠄⣰⡠⡀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣾⡟⠿⡿⠟⡌⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⣠⣾⠿⠿⠿⠷⠄⠄⢘⡆⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⠇⠄⢠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠓⢦⣺⡟⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣦⠄⢀⡈⠛⢹⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡶⠾⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣄⠄⠂⠄⠈⠂⠄⠁⠄⡀⢂⣶⣾⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣭⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

Which Rogue card should I pick?

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, I'm drafting a Rogue Arena and I'm 29 cards in. Should I pick Backstab (like you backstabbed Paparrian ) Betrayal (like you betrayed Paparrian ) or Vanish (like you vanished from Paparrian)
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing