[Copypasta] Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Weather forecast for today, lots of salt

twitchquotes: ヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ༼ຈ ل͜ຈ༽ノ☂ ʷᵉᵃᵗʰᵉʳ ᶠᵒʳᵉᶜᵃˢᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗᵒᵈᵃʸ - ˡᵒᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ˢᵃˡᵗ ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ☂ ヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、`ヽ`、ヽヽ`
twitch chat
January 2019

salty

I sexually idenfity as the Boogeymonster

twitchquotes: I sexually identify as The Boogeymonster. Ever since I pre-ordered 50 packs the only card I dreamed of pulling was The Boogeymonster to put it in my deck, play it on turn 8, and watch it grow. Watch it get out of control as it feasts on every puny creature my horrified opponent dares to lay on the board. I can already hear The Boogeymonster's attack sound as it swings in for a 30 damage lethal. If you can't accept this you're a boogeyphobe and you need to check your legendary privilege.
twitch chat
June 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

I sexually Identify as

Leper gnome into the Twisted Nether

twitchquotes: "Yᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴇᴄᴋ ɪs ᴄʀᴀᴢʏ.” Fᴏʀsᴇɴ sᴀɪᴅ, ᴀs ʜᴇ sʟɪᴘᴘᴇᴅ ʜɪs ғᴇᴍɪɴɪɴᴇ ʜᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ Tʀᴜᴍᴘs’s ᴘᴀɴᴛs ᴀɴᴅ sᴍɪʀᴋᴇᴅ. “Aʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴏᴘ-ᴅᴇᴄᴋ ᴍᴇ?” ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇsᴛs Tʀᴜᴍᴘ, ᴀs Fᴏʀsᴇɴ ʙʟᴜsʜᴇs, ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏʏɪsʜ ғɪɢᴜʀᴇ ᴜɴᴅʀᴇssᴇᴅ ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ Tʀᴜᴍᴘ. “Wᴇᴀᴋ ᴛᴇᴍᴘᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ, Fᴏʀsᴇɴ.” Tʜᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴋɪssᴇᴅ, ᴅᴇᴇᴘʟʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀssɪᴏɴᴀᴛᴇʟʏ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴀғᴛᴇʀᴡᴀʀᴅs Fᴏʀsᴇɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇs ʜɪs ʟᴇᴘᴇʀ ɢɴᴏᴍᴇ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʀᴜᴍᴘs's ᴛᴡɪsᴛᴇᴅ ɴᴇᴛʜᴇʀ
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

Sad Anime Girl

⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢋⣩⣤⣴⣶⣶⣦⣙⣉⣉⣉⣉⣙⡛⢋⣥⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣬⡙⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⠟⣡⣶⣿⢟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠙ ⣿⢋⣼⣿⠟⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧ ⠃⣾⣯⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣿⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢰⣶⣼⣿⣷⣿⣽⠿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡌⣿⣷⡀⠛⢿⣿⣿ ⢃⣺⣿⣿⣿⢿⠏⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡾⣿⣿⣿⣷⢹⣿⣷⣄⠄⠈⠉ ⡼⣻⣿⣷⣿⠏⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣞⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤ ⣇⣿⡿⣿⠏⣸⣎⣻⣟⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣼⢆⠻⣿⡆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⡿⠋⠈⠉⠄⠉⠻⣽⣿⣿⣯⢿⣿⣿⡻⠋⠉⠄⠈⠑⠊⠃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⠄⣰⠱⠿⠄⠄⢨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢶⠷⠄⠄⢄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠘⣤⣿⡀⣤⣤⣤⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢠⣤⣤⡄⣸⣀⡆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡀⣿⣿⣷⣌⣉⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⣛⣋⣴⣿⣿⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿ ⢹⣿⢸⣿⣻⣶⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣭⡿⠻⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢹ ⠈⣿⡆⠻⣿⣏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡜⣭⣍⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⣿⠃⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⣼ ⣦⠘⣿⣄⠊⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣼⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⠟
September 2020

Weebs

Does anyone here know what Suge Knight is?

I bought a whole bunch of Suge Knight Albums, do you know who Suge Knight is? Anybody know who Suge Knight is? No, not shungite, those stupid fuckin rocks that crazy antivaxxers buy. I'm talkin' Suge Knight. Anyways, he's a popular music executive, but now in prison because he murdered somebody. That's my story, I bought a whole bunch of albums. Put 'em around the la casa. Little records, stuff like that.
January 2022
DrDisRespectLIVE

Shungite

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