[Copypasta] Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Priced in

Don't even ask the question. The answer is yes, it's priced in. Think Amazon will beat the next earnings? That's already been priced in. You work at the drive thru for Mickey D's and found out that the burgers are made of human meat? Priced in. You think insiders don't already know that? The market is an all powerful, all encompassing being that knows the very inner workings of your subconscious before you were even born. Your very existence was priced in decades ago when the market was valuing Standard Oil's expected future earnings based on population growth that would lead to your birth, what age you would get a car, how many times you would drive your car every week, how many times you take the bus/train, etc. Anything you can think of has already been priced in, even the things you aren't thinking of. You have no original thoughts. Your consciousness is just an illusion, a product of the omniscent market. Free will is a myth. The market sees all, knows all and will be there from the beginning of time until the end of the universe (the market has already priced in the heat death of the universe). So please, before you make a post on wsb asking whether AAPL has priced in earpods 11 sales or whatever, know that it has already been priced in and don't ask such a dumb fucking question again.
December 2020

Classic

WallStreetBets

IF YOU TOUCH THE ARMOR, GO TO SLEEP

twitchquotes: SLEEP TEST 🛡️ IF YOU TOUCH THE ARMOR, GO TO SLEEP ⎝ ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
August 2019

Hearthstone

Dongerino type 3X400

twitchquotes: └|°ε°|┐ I am dongerino type 3X400, from the year 2190 ┌|°з°|┘
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January 2015
Forsen

Cat anime girl

⣿⡟⠙⠛⠋⠩⠭⣉⡛⢛⠫⠭⠄⠒⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⠖⠋⣀⡤⠄⠒⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣈⡭⠭⠄⠄⠄⠉⠙ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⢀⣞⣡⠴⠚⠁⠄⠄⢀⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⡇⠄⡴⠁⡜⣵⢗⢀⠄⢠⡔⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⡇⡜⠄⡜⠄⠄⠄⠉⣠⠋⠠⠄⢀⡄⠄⠄⣠⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸ ⣿⠸⠄⡼⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⠁⠄⠄⠄⠈⣀⣠⣬⣭⣛⠄⠁⠄⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿ ⣏⠄⢀⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠇⢀⣠⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿ ⣿⣸⠈⠄⠄⠰⠾⠴⢾⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢁⣾⢀⠁⠄⠄⠄⢠⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣆⠄⠆⠄⣦⣶⣦⣌⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣋⣀⣈⠙⠛⡛⠌⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⡆⢀⣈⣉⢉⣿⣿⣯⣄⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⡜⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠿⣿⣧⣽⣍⣾⣿⠿⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠃⢿⣿ ⣿⡿⠰⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠩⠔⠒⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠘⣿ ⣿⠃⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⢀⠄⠄⡀⡀⢀⣤⣴⣤⣤⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⢹
November 2020

Weebs

Harambe Fresh Prince of Bel Air

twitchquotes: In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where i spent most of my days, Chillin out hanging out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool, When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood, I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gun shot just before I stopped breathing air...
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October 2016

Harambe

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