[Copypasta] Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I like turtles

twitchquotes: I like turtles because they’re so chill. They don’t hurt anyone. They’re just like, “Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I’m gonna take my time getting there, I’m not in a rush. Because I’m a turtle.”
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

THIS USED TO BE A 2016 STREAM

twitchquotes: FeelsBadMan THIS USED TO BE A 2016 STREAM FeelsBadMan THIS USED TO BE A 2016 STREAM FeelsBadMan
twitch chat
January 2017

Peruvians and Dota 2

twitchquotes: Let's look at this statistically. Assuming you are not Peruvian, your team has four chances to spawn a Peruvian. The other team has five chances to spawn a Peruvian. Overall, you will have less Peruvians then your opponents, and will automatically rise on the ladder. If you aren't rising, you are probably secretly a Peruvian, ruining the statistical balance of sweet victory.
twitch chat
February 2015
SingSing

Dota 2

Why do I keep hearing “pre madana” all the time?

Why do I keep hearing “pre madana” all the time? Did she use to do some other thing before she was famous or am I just dumb? Edit: I was just stupid Edit 2: which one of you reported me to Reddit resources or whatever??
July 2021

G2 Esports

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣷⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⣾⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢁⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠐⠶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣡⣿⣿⣿⣿⠶⠂⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣦⡬⢙⠛⠿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⠿⠛⡋⢥⣴⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣇⢸⣿⣷⣦⣍⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣴⢾⣿⡇⣸⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⢸⣿⣟⠻⣿⣷⣦⡹⢏⣴⣾⣿⠏⢻⣿⡇⣿⣿⣷⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⢀⡀⠹⣿⣷⣿⣿⠏⠵⣚⣾⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄ ⢴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡈⣿⣿⡸⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣖⣾⣿⣿⣿⢁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡦ ⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠸⣿⣧⡉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠋⣩⣥⠆⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁ ⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡙⣿⣷⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣾⣿⢋⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⡿⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⡿⠃⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⡇⣿⠟⣩⣾⣿⣿⠘⢿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣷⣦⣴⣾⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
October 2020

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing