[Copypasta] Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

COCKtober emojipasta

October 2021

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Halloween

NSFW

Holiday

Walter White Heisenberg

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠆⠜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡏⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⡧⠇⢀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣮⣭⣿⡻⣽⣒⠀⣤⣜⣭⠐⢐⣒⠢⢰⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣾⣿⠂⢈⢿⣷⣞⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⡿⠿⣿⠗⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠻⠋⠉⠑⠀⠀⢘⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢹⣿⣿⡇⢀⣶⣶⠴⠶⠀⠀⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣧⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⣴⠁⢘⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⢿⠗⠂⠄⠀⣴⡟⠀⠀⡃⠀⠉⠉⠟⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢷⠾⠛⠂⢹⠀⠀⠀⢡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠿⢿
April 2022

i start cracking bongland jokes inna bri'ish accent. Am I the asshole?

>hanging out with friend group >one guy facetimes some british slag he knows >i start cracking bongland jokes inna bri'ish accent >say she sounds like hermione >Make some joke about earl grey tea >she says, "ask this fuck'a how you even make earl grey tea >Say, "toss it in the boston harbor" >bongchick gets all pissed off >friend asks me to leave Am I the asshole?
June 2021

greentext

British People

Stream snipers

twitchquotes: One day, the Papa asks Kripp to go fishing, Kripp shrugs, “Alright, but catch and release only – I’m vegan.” They arrive at the local pristine clear waters of an Ontario stream brimming with wild trout and prepare to fish. Suddenly Kripp shouts, “Get down!”. A crack sounds through the air, and the Papa sees Kripp on the ground bleeding. His final words are, “Fucking stream snipers.”
twitch chat
May 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

The Godfather

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⡀⢀⠄⡀⢀⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⡀⢀⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠁⠈⠄⠂⠄⡀⠄⠄⡀⢀⠄⢀⠄⢀⠄⡀⠠⠄⠄⠂⠁⠈⡀⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⡀⠁⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⡀⠄⠄⠁⢀⢁⠄⡀⠠⠄⠁⡈⢀⠈⢀⠠⠄⢀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠂⠄⡠⣲⢧⣳⡳⡯⣟⣼⢽⣺⣜⡵⣝⢜⢔⠔⡅⢂⠄⠄⠁⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠈⠄⢀⡇⡯⡺⢵⣳⢿⣻⣟⣿⣿⣽⢾⣝⢮⡳⣣⢣⠣⡃⢅⠂⠐⠈⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠐⢀⠇⡪⡸⡸⣝⣾⣻⣯⣿⣿⡿⣟⣿⡽⣗⡯⣞⢜⢌⠢⡡⢈⠈⠄⠁⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠈⠆⠕⢔⠡⣓⣕⢷⣻⣽⣝⢷⣻⣻⣝⢯⢿⠹⠸⡑⡅⠕⠠⠠⠄⠅⠄⠂⠄⠂⠈⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠡⡑⢍⠌⡊⢢⢢⢱⠼⣺⢿⢝⠮⢪⣪⡺⣘⡜⣑⢤⢐⠅⠡⢂⠡⠐⡀⢀⠠⠐⠄⠐⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⢀⠡⠨⡢⡑⡌⡔⡮⡷⣭⢧⣳⠭⣪⣲⣼⣾⣟⣻⣽⣺⣸⣜⢌⢆⢌⠐⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠌⡢⡵⠺⠞⠟⠛⠯⠟⠟⠝⡫⢗⠟⠝⠙⠉⠊⠑⠉⠉⠉⠑⢒⠠⠁⠄⡀⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠐⡀⠄⠄⠅⡪⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⢕⢔⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠠⠐⠈⢀⠄⠠⠄⡁⠄⡀⠂⠠⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⠂⡑⠄⠄⠠⠐⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⡂⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⠂⠠⠐⠄⡐⡀⠂⢀⠐⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢐⠄⠂⢕⢅⢄⠄⣀⡀⢄⠄⠁⣀⣔⡵⣿⣯⠧⡣⣢⡠⢀⢀⡠⠐⢀⢐⠠⢀⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⡔⢀⠘⢽⣻⣶⣥⣉⠥⡣⣱⣷⠻⣪⣻⣷⡣⡣⢫⣞⣗⡦⡵⢻⠺⡸⠐⡀⠐⠄⠂⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠘⡀⠔⢀⠑⠍⠍⡽⣽⣿⣻⠂⡷⣯⡿⣟⡿⠌⡆⠘⣾⣻⢵⢕⠔⢀⠁⠠⠈⡀⠁⠄⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⡐⢰⢈⢄⠱⢽⣺⢳⠁⣈⠄⠄⠈⠊⠈⠄⠄⢡⣐⢫⢯⡢⢊⢄⢪⠨⠠⠄⡀⠁⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠂⠠⠱⣕⡣⡇⡏⢮⢕⣸⣾⠠⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠌⢟⣜⡵⣯⢷⡴⡅⠅⡂⠠⠄⢈⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠁⢀⠈⠌⡪⢝⢾⣝⣎⠒⠏⠙⠠⠑⠁⠆⠒⠐⠐⠉⢀⠑⣍⡿⣽⡽⡂⠕⠄⠄⠂⢀⠠⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⡈⠄⢀⠄⠊⠍⢯⣷⣏⢊⢀⣈⣠⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⢶⣴⢤⢬⣌⢻⡺⡻⠈⠄⠂⠄⠂⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⢀⠐⠄⠄⠂⠡⠑⠕⠅⡕⡽⡑⡁⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠁⠁⠠⢊⠊⠢⠈⠄⠨⠄⠄⠁⠐⢀⠈⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⢀⠄⠄⠈⡀⢂⠐⠄⠂⠁⠠⠁⡢⡪⣢⣲⣦⣖⡔⡤⡨⡐⢄⠌⠠⠈⠐⠄⠂⠠⠁⢈⠠⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢂⠄⠢⠂⠈⡀⠈⡀⠈⠰⠹⡨⠑⡑⠕⠕⠊⠌⠌⠄⠐⠄⠂⠁⢈⠄⡁⠐⠄⡐⢀⠂⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⡐⢄⠑⠄⠄⡇⡁⠄⠄⠄⠄⡈⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠠⠄⠂⢀⠐⠄⡈⠠⠈⠄⠄⠠⠐⠄⠁⠠⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⡀⢊⠨⢀⢊⠄⠨⡂⡂⠄⠂⠄⢀⠄⠠⠄⠂⠄⠄⡀⠠⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠄⡀⠁⡀⠂⠄⠂⠁⠨⠄⠅⠄ ⠄⠄⠐⠄⢂⠢⡀⠄⠬⠄⠂⠅⡀⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠂⠄⠂⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠂⢈⠐⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠈⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠅⠅⠐⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠂⢐⠄⠐⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠕⠈⡂⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠂⠄
February 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing