[Copypasta] Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

A dirty joke from the 1400s...

A dirty joke from the 1400s... In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.” From “The Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini
May 2022

Flareon is better than Vaporeon for human companionship

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
March 2022

Pokemon

Here in my garage

twitchquotes: Here in my garage, just bought this new Lamborghini here. It’s fun to drive up here in the Hollywood hills. But you know what I like more than materialistic things? Knowledge. In fact, I’m a lot more proud of these seven new bookshelves that I had to get installed to hold two thousand new books that I bought. It’s like the billionaire Warren Buffett says, “the more you learn, the more you earn.”
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August 2018

HI FORSEN, IT'S YOUR FRIEND TRUMP HERE

twitchquotes: HI FORSEN, ITS YOUR FRIEND TRUMP HERE. I NOTICE THAT YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO GET LEGENDARY ON HEARTHSTONE. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT FOR A LITTLE FEE OF $4.99 PER MONTH, YOU COULD LEARN TO BE GOOD AT HEARTHSTONE LIKE ME.
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November 2014
Forsen

Trollge from Typical Colors 2

⢿⣿⣿⣿⣭⠹⠛⠛⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⠷⠶⠿⢻⣿⣛⣦⣙⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⢿⣿⠏⠀⠀⡀⠀⠈⣿⢛⣽⣜⠯⣽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣷⣻⡀⢿ ⠐⠛⢿⣾⣖⣤⡀⠀⢀⡰⠿⢷⣶⣿⡇⠻⣖⣒⣒⣶⣿⣿⡟⢙⣶⣮ ⣤⠀⠀⠛⠻⠗⠿⠿⣯⡆⣿⣛⣿⡿⠿⠮⡶⠼⠟⠙⠊⠁⠀⠸⢣⣿ ⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠭⣍⡉⢩⣥⡤⠥⣤⡶⣒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡽⡄⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣆⣿⣧⢡⣾⣿⡇⣾⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠃ ⣿⣿⣷⣻⣆⢄⠀⠈⠉⠉⠛⠛⠘⠛⠛⠛⠙⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⢸ ⢞⣿⣿⣷⣝⣷⣝⠦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⣿⠈ ⣦⡑⠛⣟⢿⡿⣿⣷⣝⢧⡀⠀⠀⣶⣸⡇⣿⢸⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡿⡆ ⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣍⡛⠻⢿⣷⠿⣶⣶⣬⣬⣁⣉⣀⣀⣁⡤⢴⣺⣾⣽⡇
July 2022
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