[Copypasta] Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

NA REJOICE! UMA JAN IS HERE!

twitchquotes: NA REJOICE! UMA JAN has crossed the ocean to show you the light! UMA JAN will teach you that sidelanes exist! UMA JAN will teach you that you can win a game before 40 minutes! NA REJOICE! UMA JAN IS HERE!
twitch chat
July 2019
Riot Games

League of Legends

ACHOO! Sorry, did I spray you?

ACHOO! Sorry, did I spray you? 💦😉 🧻Corona🤧 is CUMMING💦 for us and you’ve just tested 😱positive🦠 for being 💋NAUGHTY😉 🙅‍♀️Social distancing is in effect🚫 and I want to spend my 🤷‍♂️quarenTEEN🔞 with YOU 😍 So grab your 🧴isopropyl-lubricant 💦 and CUM👅 over so I can administer👩‍⚕️ your treatment😉 and inject💉 you with the vaccine🍆 We’ll spend the 🗝lockdown🔒 flattening the curve📉 and FATTENING DEM’ 👏🏿 CURVES 🍑 Get ready for 14 days of 💯THICC DICC DIAGNOSTICS😭 and sitting on my facemask😷 Send this ✉️ to covid-19 of your sloppiest 💦💦SYMPTOMATIC🤒 SLUTS🤫 If you get 5 back, you’re a Wuhan bat🦇 bitch 👎 If you get 10 back, you’re a 😉horny💄healthy💪hoe😘 If you get all 19 back👏 your ass🍑 is the ANTIDOTE💊 and it’s in high demand 👬🏿
March 2020

Emoji Pasta

Coronavirus

COVID

HOIST THY DONGERS

twitchquotes: ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ノ HOIST THY DONGERS ヽ༼Ὸل͜ຈ༽ノ
twitch chat
April 2015
Reynad

"When the Impostor is sus" but formal

When the person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others, especially for fraudulent gain is giving the impression that something is questionable or dishonest, causing one to have the idea or impression that they are of questionable, dishonest, or dangerous character or condition.
March 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Big eyes NaM

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣟⣻⡍⠉⠉⠉⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢏⣴⣾⡿⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⣱⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣦⣤⣀⠈⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡟⣼⣿⡟⠁⠄⢀⣤⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠈⢻⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣧⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠾⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣷⠄⠚⢧⠸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢀⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣠⡀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⢸⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⠿⠿⣿⡆⠈⣿⣿⣿⠄⣾⡟⠁⠄⢳⠄⠄⣤⠠⠄⣿⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⡄⠄⠸⣿⡀⢀⠽⠁⢀⡿⣿⣿⡄⠹⢿⣦⣤⡾⠄⠄⠉⠄⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣄⠄⠄⠈⠃⢀⣦⣬⣁⣤⣤⣴⣿⠇⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣴⣾⠄⠄⢠⢻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢀⣿⣿⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⣤⡲⣸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣆⣀⣀⡈⡟⠛⢛⡛⡛⠻⠦⠅⠪⠽⠬⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣼⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠙⢙⠿⠿⣿⣿⣷⡮⢿⡿⢿⣹⢿⡳⣱⣿⣿⣿⣳⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣜⠦⣬⣛⠶⠶⣶⣷⣶⡶⠠⠘⣣⢉⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣝⢿⣶⣦⣤⣤⣤⣴⢞⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣝⣻⠿⠿⣋⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing