Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
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Lying about service dogs
I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask;
‘Is it a service dog?’
With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to.
If at first they say ‘no’ I reply with ‘are you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?’with another big wink
Always works.
I love dogs
Yuno Gasai
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Weebs
I put sushi in my husband’s butthole while he was asleep
He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
Pink Panther
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⡀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢢⡉⠒⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⡀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠉⢙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⢐⣼⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠂⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠰⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡋⠅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢢⣿⡇⠂⠀⠀⡧⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠂⠭⡛⢿⣿⣿⣦⡂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠋⠙
Donald of the House Trump
twitchquotes:
In the name of Donald of the House Trump , First of his name, rightful President of the States. Lord of the 2 political parties, Protector of the Border. I 
sentence you to exile.
In the name of Donald of the House Trump , First of his name, rightful President of the States. Lord of the 2 political parties, Protector of the Border. I sentence you to exile.
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