[Copypasta] Dear people who comment on porn

Dear people who comment on porn, why? Do you really think whoever the fuck youโ€™re masturbating to will see โ€œyou are gorgeous I would love to tittyfuck you, it would be my pleasure๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜โ€ will fly over to your house have sex with your fatass and then fly back? No. If it ever actually does happen, Iโ€™d bet that pornstar does it a lot. Which means constant flying. Porn commenters are causing global warming.
September 2021
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Imaqtpie submits his Pocket Pick

twitchquotes: Hi Mr Santana. Marc Merrill here. Your recent submission to our 'Pocket Pick' video series left us scratching our chins. Whilst we agree that pepperoni has a nice "twang", the video was supposed to be about your favorite champion, NOT your favorite Hot Pocket. We would appreciate it if you could remake the video, thanks.
twitch chat
March 2017
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Kripp reluctantly crawls into bed

twitchquotes: Kripp reluctantly crawls into bed where a breathless Hafu is waiting. She takes hold of his hand and whispers, "It's ok, I broke up with Jake." He squeezes her hand, let's go, squeezes again, "You're the best female arena player...," Kripp says dejectedly, "But I made a vow to Rania to never love another woman." Hafu runs her hands lovingly down his cheek, "You're not cheating," she whispers, "I'm really Amaz."
twitch chat
August 2018
Kripp

MagicAmy used VANISH

twitchquotes: MagicAmy PREP'd the scam, CONCEALED his identity, BETRAYED Reynad, SPRINTED with the money and used VANISH.
twitch chat
February 2015
Reynad

Time to get ready for big daddy HOE Biden

The results ๐Ÿ“ˆare in and our gurl ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป sanders is out ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ. Time to get ready for big daddy HOE Biden. He's cumming ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ to DOMINATE๐Ÿคผโ€โ™‚๏ธ our HEAD of state ๐ŸŠ and his bitch๐Ÿ’๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ mike pence. He may be a donkey but he's big as a horse ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿด and is ready to touch ๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿ˜ˆ the hearts ๐Ÿ’žof all Americans ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ. Cum erection day ๐Ÿ—ณ y'all sluts better fill that hole ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘Œ next to biden and relaseโœŠ America's aching ๐Ÿคคthrobbing ๐Ÿ˜ฎ desire for green ๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘energy, a ban ๐Ÿ›‘on those naughty big black guns๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿพ, and more money to pay๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ฐ๐Ÿ’ธ those slutty nurses ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€โš•๏ธ๐Ÿ’โ€โ™€๏ธ to make us all feel better ๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿฅด. Cum ๐Ÿ’ฆ hoevember help the needy ๐Ÿ‘…๐ŸงŽ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ by supporting big daddy Biden ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿฆณand naughty Nancy๐Ÿ’โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ and give dirty Donald ๐ŸŽฉ, bitch McConnell ๐Ÿข, and those filthy ๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ˜ reSUBlicans๐Ÿ˜ blue balls๐Ÿ”ต. Send to ๐Ÿ”Ÿ of your most deviant ๐Ÿ˜ˆdemocrats. If you get 5๏ธโƒฃback ur a Biden bitch ๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ต. if u get ๐Ÿ”Ÿ u will spend a hot ๐Ÿ”ฅ Decemberโ›„๏ธnight with those skanks at the ERECToral ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ† college ๐Ÿ›.)
May 2022

Emoji Pasta

Politics

Joe Biden

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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