[Copypasta] Kangaroos vs Uruguayans

This does not change the fact that in Australia there are 48 million kangaroos and in Uruguay there are 3,457,380 inhabitants. So if the kangaroos decide to invade Uruguay, each Uruguayan will have to fight 14 kangaroos...
October 2021
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Albert Einstein watches Rick and Morty

twitchquotes: My teacher said to my I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything. I scoffed at him. Shocked, my teacher asked what's so funny, my future is on the line. "Well...you see professor" I say as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. "I watch Rick and Morty." The class is shocked, they merely watch pleb shows like the big bang theory to feign intelligence, not grasping the humor. "...how? I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety." "Well you see...WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!" One line student laughs in the back, I turn to see a who this fellow genius is. It's none other than Albert Einstein.
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Kripp is censoring his chat

twitchquotes: TheIlluminati Kripp is censoring his chat. Don't believe me? Look at this: Kripp is a โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ. Kripp is โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ out to g2a. Kripp is a blizzard โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ TheIlluminati SPREAD THE TRUTH TheIlluminati
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I am a sub with cash

twitchquotes: Hey you poor, underage trash. ๐Ÿ—‘๏ธ You know what the symbol next to my name means? Means I am a sub. Means I am a VIP. Means I got cash. ๐Ÿ’ต What you got? You got shit. ๐Ÿ’ฉ You poor non-sub trash ought to pay me and my sub-bros some respect. ๐Ÿ’ฏ We subbed because we have cash. ๐Ÿ’ต Real life jobs, real life credit cards.
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Popsicle burglaries

twitchquotes: Local police are baffled by a string of strange popsicle burglaries that have taken place over the past few days. The thief appears to be ignoring cash, jewelry, and other valuables, only taking sugary treats from the residents' freezers. Police have yet to apprehend the burglar, but have several reports of a suspicious lanky figure with poor hygiene seen near the crime scenes muttering about "value." Any further information on the popsicle bandit should be reported immediately.
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I want a man who is a cunning linguist

twitchquotes: "Are you sure you've ever pleasured a woman before, poppet?" Mother asked with a snear, unamused by the clumsy performance of a rapper who couldn't use his tongue. "I'm doing my best, yo!" he replied, muffled between Mother's thighs. "You talk a big game, Mr. Dab, but you are proving to be quite a disappointment." The tattoo-faced man lifted his head aghast, his voice raising in pitch, "I got you a limo, yo, what else do you want?" Mother chuckled, "I want a man who is a cunning linguist"
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