[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my p***s was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
December 2021
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Dear Kripp, I own the apple orchard outside Toronto

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, I own the apple orchard outside Toronto and I am begging you to stop drinking so much OJ. Since you became popular on the Twitch our sales have decreased by over 69% because Canadians want to be like you. For *** sake please drink some apple juice! If you continue drinking OJ, I wont be able to feed my family anymore
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp

BionicBunion

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–’β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–’β–ˆ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–„β–’β–€β–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€ β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–„β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–„β–€ β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–’β–ˆβ–„β–„β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–“β–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆ β–„β–€β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–“β–€β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–’β–„ β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–‘β–“ β–‘β–€β–„β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–“β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€
ascii art
November 2014
patashu

Could you guys be more serious and stop the spamming

twitchquotes: guys could you please be a little serious and stop the spamming? people are trying to enjoy the stream here, its hard to find a place where im accepted for who i am and when i see you all spam kripps chat it makes me feel rly bad because i know that he wants you to learn instead of joke around as well
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

With this dust of a Dorito chip, I use this chant to summon Kripp!

twitchquotes: (぀‒̀α΄₯‒́)぀*:ο½₯ﾟ✧ With this dust of a Doritoβ„’ chip, I use this chant to summon Kripp! (぀‒̀α΄₯‒́)぀*:ο½₯ﾟ✧
twitch chat
August 2015
Kripp

what do you say when you come? murk durgle

About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist. I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out" Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
January 2022
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