[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my p***s was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
December 2021
I used to be a real ad
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I dream of becoming a carrot

twitchquotes: I dream of becoming a carrot. When I'm home alone I dig holes in the backyard and stand in them, put lettuce on top of my head from sun up to sun down. I would steal sun tan spray from stores and use it until I turned a bright orange. People tell me it's impossible for me to be a carrot but I know I can be anything I want to be.
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May 2016

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TWITCH PLAYS POT OF GREED

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Disgrace to all Morosans

twitchquotes: Octavian Morosan, this is your great great grandparrian, I am contacting you from beyond the grave to tell you that you are a disgrace to all Morosans because of your recent switch to being a casual. Pls no Maserati
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Troll face 3

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⠴⠶⠶⠶⠶⠒⠾⠿⠿⠿⣛⡛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⡷⠶⠶⢶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⡾⠟⠛⠉⣉⣩⣤⡴⠦⠭⠥⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠂⠤⠀⢀⣀⠈⠑⠢⢀⠑⠀⠀⠙⢿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡾⠟⠁⣠⡢⠔⢫⠞⣉⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠒⠄⠠⠀⠀⠐⡠⢂⡴⠶⠦⢴⡊⠙⠒⠀⠑⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠀⡠⢊⡫⡀⢀⣤⣞⣡⣼⣿⣦⠀⠐⠉⠱⡤⢢⠦⠀⠀⣰⠋⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠳⢾⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣼⡏⣰⠁⠠⠪⠿⣟⠩⠉⠀⠀⠈⢻⡧⠄⣴⠞⠁⣣⠖⠀⢰⣧⠞⠁⠀⠠⠍⡻⣼⡆⠀⢀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣴⡾⠟⣽⢋⡒⠦⡢⠐⠀⠄⠒⠲⠶⠖⠋⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠙⠀⠀⠘⣷⡀⠤⠤⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠻⡍⠀⠐⠉⣉⣗⠦⣄⠘⢿⣦⡀⠀⠀ ⣾⠋⠀⢸⠇⢹⠟⢦⣄⡀⠄⠀⠀⠉⠁⣰⠶⢖⣾⠁⠀⠀⠀⠐⠒⢦⣤⣝⠓⠒⠒⠊⠀⠈⠀⠀⢀⣴⠞⠋⣽⢻⠱⡈⢳⡈⢯⠻⣦⠀ ⣿⠀⡆⠸⣆⢸⡦⡄⠉⠛⠶⣬⣔⡀⠘⠁⢸⡏⠁⠀⠀⠶⢦⣤⡀⠈⡇⠈⠳⠄⠀⢀⠀⠀⣀⡴⢿⠥⣄⣼⠃⡌⠀⢳⠀⢳⠸⡄⠘⣧ ⣿⡀⡇⠀⠈⠷⣇⡗⣦⣠⡀⠈⠙⠛⡿⠶⠾⢿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣀⣀⣁⣀⣁⣀⣠⣤⣿⠿⠟⠛⣉⣀⡏⢀⡿⠁⠰⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⣿ ⠘⣷⡁⢀⢸⠀⣿⠀⡟⠀⣷⠋⢳⡾⠙⢷⡀⠀⣠⠤⣌⠉⠉⣉⣭⣍⠉⣩⠭⢤⣀⡴⠚⢲⡇⠀⣿⠏⠀⠠⠃⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⠀⠁⣼⠏ ⠀⠘⣷⢸⠈⡆⣿⣿⣁⢀⠏⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⢻⣾⠁⠀⠈⢳⣴⠏⠀⠹⣶⠇⠀⠀⢹⡀⣀⣼⣷⡾⠃⢠⠀⢀⠄⠀⠠⠁⠀⠀⣀⣼⠋⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣄⣼⠃⠀⠀⢸⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⣿⡀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⢀⣼⠟⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣿⣧⣀⣀⣤⣤⣿⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣫⠄⢀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠀⢠⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⣧⣿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⠞⠁⡰⠁⠀⠠⠀⠀⡐⠀⢠⡾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⣿⡟⢀⡟⠀⣿⠋⢻⡿⠻⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⡔⠁⠠⠞⠀⠀⠀⠁⢀⠌⢀⣴⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣼⠃⡄⢹⣿⡙⢇⣠⡇⠀⣸⠁⢠⠇⠀⢹⠃⢠⠛⠙⡏⠉⣇⣼⠿⢃⡴⠋⠀⠐⠁⠔⠀⠐⠁⣠⣢⣴⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⠀⡇⠸⡿⢷⣄⡀⠙⠒⠳⡤⠼⣄⣀⢼⣀⢾⣀⣸⣶⡾⠟⣁⡴⠋⢀⡠⠒⠁⠀⠀⢀⣤⡾⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⠀⠻⡄⠉⠠⡉⠙⠳⠶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣷⣶⠿⠿⠟⠋⠉⠖⠫⠕⠒⠈⠀⢀⣤⣴⡶⠟⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢿⡄⠀⠉⠓⠀⠀⠈⠉⠠⠌⠀⠀⠀⣀⠠⠄⠂⠠⠤⠤⠴⠊⠁⣀⣴⡾⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠈⠻⣦⣑⠒⠤⣅⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣶⠶⠶⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠶⠶⣤⣭⣭⣭⣭⣴⠶⠶⠛⠛⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
May 2021

Kripp's kidney stone surgery

twitchquotes: There was a heated discussion among the medical experts gathered around an operating table, on which laid an unconscious Romanian man in his 30s. "The salt levels are off the charts!" exclaimed a cardiologist. The head surgeon sighs, "I guess this is what you get when you combine a vegan diet and a sedentary lifestyle playing a children's card game." Upon those words the body suddenly stirs, from which a muted voice barely croaks, "Tell...Rania...not to press...the button".
twitch chat
September 2016
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing