About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
(โฬฟฤนฬฏโโฌโดโฌโด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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I am a muricunt born in America
twitchquotes:
I am a muricunt born in america, the land of the fat and the free. I am proud of my awful education, horrible medical care, terrible society and religious gunwielding fanatics. With my natural 260 lbs, please stop talking trash about my mediocre country which is a collection of all the human scum EU and Asia dumped a few hundred years ago.
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imaqtpie
EU vs NA
One off lethal
twitchquotes:
Discovering his inner-passion for painting, Kripp leaves Twitch for good and takes Rania and Dex on the road with him to pursue his dream. After six months Kripp realizes being an artist is a lot harder than playing video games. But itโs too late. Homeless and starving, Rania hates Kripp, Dex hates Kripp, and, worst of all, Kripp hates Kripp. Buying a gun one rainy day, he puts it in his mouth and pulls the trigger. *click* He forgot to buy bullets. โOne off lethal,โ Rania sobs.
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Kripp
Spam this skull for I forgor
twitchquotes:
๐ spam ๐ this ๐ skull ๐ for ๐ i ๐ forgor ๐
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Rhyme Chant
I forgor
I want to sleep with you. No, i dont mean have sex
twitchquotes:
I want to sleep with you. No, i dont mean have sex. I mean sleep. Together. Under a blanket. In your bed. While your laying on my arm with my other hand on your tummy. With the window cracked, so its chilly and we have to cuddle closer. No talking, just the muffled cries.
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Not your naked body
i didnt fuck my cat emojified
twitchquotes:
i๐โโ๏ธdidnโt ๐ซ fuck ๐๐ฆmy cat๐พ. i didnt ๐ซcum ๐๐ฆon my cat๐ผ . i didntโ put 
my Dick ๐ anywhere ๐near my cat๐ . Ive never โ๐
โโ๏ธdone anything weird โโโwith my ๐โโ๏ธ๐ปcats. I promised๐ค myself ๐คi wasnt going to make ๐ข๐ขapology ๐ฟ videos๐น after last years๐
thing so im just trying to be as short and honest ๐ with this ๐
๐ผas possible. (1/?)
my Dick ๐ anywhere ๐near my cat๐ . Ive never โ๐
โโ๏ธdone anything weird โโโwith my ๐โโ๏ธ๐ปcats. I promised๐ค myself ๐คi wasnt going to make ๐ข๐ขapology ๐ฟ videos๐น after last years๐
thing so im just trying to be as short and honest ๐ with this ๐
๐ผas possible. (1/?)
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