About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
I used to be a real ad
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Ming like a Lee
twitchquotes:
Fly like a butterfly (ノ￣ー￣)ノ
Sting like a bee (┌ﾟдﾟ)┌
RNG pls bless me ヾ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)ノ♪
Ming like a Lee ヽ 
ノ♪♬
ノ♪♬
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Reynad
Banger from /r/conservativerap
Aye
Yuh
Uh
Skrrrt
Yuh
I hate people who have a different skin color from me (x32)
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I hate people who have a different skin color from me (x32)
Golden Kappa beta test
twitchquotes:
TWITCH WARNING: This chat has been chosen for the Golden beta test. Every 100 s, one will be Golden!
TWITCH WARNING: This chat has been chosen for the Golden beta test. Every 100 s, one will be Golden!
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Windmill of Friendship
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imaqtpie
Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call
So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?