[Copypasta] This message legally certifies that I was here

Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.

April 2020

Classic

Wife wants to leave me because of an NFT diamond ring

My wife loves new technology and is into cryptocurrency and so I thought it would be thoughtful to buy her a diamond ring as a NFT. I spent about 3 ETH which is like $12000 CAD. So when she got home from work I told her I had a surprise for her. I put a blindfold on my wife and guided her into our room where our computer is set up. Soon as she opened her eyes and saw what it was, she absolutely exploded with rage saying I was an asshole and was only thinking about myself. She then accused me of spending money on stupid thing and said she’s going to go find a boyfriend. I don’t know what to do in this situation. I was only thinking about HER interests and how happy she would be to receive this new technology. Plus the price of her ring will only appreciate. Stupid real diamonds only depreciate. We have now signed up for NFT relationship counselling. I have been seeking relationship advice but everyone says to buy her NFT flowers or NFT chocolates. And when I did that, that was the last straw. Wife sent me divorce papers and I converted it into NFT. I know in the long run when all these NFT’s moon. She will come crawling back.

February 2022

Another Response to Navy Seal Copypasta

October 2021

I’m here all weekend - come on ya fuckin punk ass swimmer 🙄 I’ll be waiting on ya - I’ll be waiting on your punk ass - wait matter of fact give me your address I’ll come to wherever you are and give you a chance to make good on your promises since I know you won’t actually come here me Navy SEAL lol what BUDS class were you in bitch? See you’re talking to an Army Ranger - RSC 13-2 - I’ve ACTUALLY been on clandestine missions - I’ve ACTUALLY been in gunfights - and on the 1% chance that you’re ACTUALLY a buds graduate I’ll tell you RQRF in the korangal - we were saving baby seals on a daily basis because they have no fucking idea what to do when bullets start flying the other direction - so no - I’m not worried about you - the USMC is still using gulf war hand me downs so you’re saying your equipment is dated and sporting extensive wear and tear? Annnndddd no need to involve your top secret lies I mean spies whoops - cuzzzzz I just told you and the internet where I live - you can come here or give me your address and I’ll come there - either way 😊 EDIT: Here was his response to being told it was a copypasta, for your viewing pleasure. I don’t know what copypasta means - I don’t know what doxxed yourself means - does not knowing these definitions make me a dumbass moron? What’s your address and I’ll come show you what a real SOF guy is capable of - you threaten my life you little stolen valor fuck brick? Navy SEAL give me a goddamn break you fucking retard - if you grow a set and decide you wanna tie asses with me just come knock on my door - I didn’t do a fucking thing to you people but share a video of a cat - period - if you wanna threaten my life over that be prepared for the consequences - I’m not on here looking for trouble if I was then why would I post a video of a cat on a cat video sub? God almighty and I only posted it here because my woman told me to - I’d never heard of this sub - had I known making a cute pun including the cats name would yield such backlash from faggot ass frenchy stolen valor pukes and broke dick hadji wan kenobis id have just not posted it - I thought the members of this sub would enjoy this video - so I shared it - you wanna use it as a platform to threaten my life and wellbeing? I will crush your fucking windpipe you little coward - so either roll up or tell me where I’m rolling to or you just prove you’re a coward that’s all talk

Chinese gibberish copypasta

twitchquotes: 臣亮言：先帝創業未半，而中道崩殂。今天下三分，益州疲弊，此誠危急存亡之秋也。然侍衛之臣，不懈於內；忠志之士，忘身於外者，蓋追先帝之殊遇，欲報之於陛下也。誠宜開張聖聽，以光先帝遺德，恢弘志士之氣；不宜妄自菲薄，引喻失義，以塞忠諫之路也。宮中府中，俱為體，陟罰臧否，不宜異同。若有作姦犯科，及為忠善者，宜付有司，論其刑賞，以昭陛下平明之治，不宜篇私，使內外異法也。侍中、侍郎郭攸之、費褘、董允等，此皆良實，志慮忠純，是以先帝簡拔以遺陛下。愚以為宮中之事，事無大前出師表

twitch chat

June 2014

EtrnlWait

Oh, so you support your girlfriend?

twitchquotes: Oh, so you support your girlfriend? You simp. Okay Homer SIMPson. You absolute simpanzee. OOO OOO OO OO EE EE OO 🐒 <- that is you. You are nothing but sludge . You are putrid muck given form, weakness personified. I am not sympathetic. You are simp pathetic.

twitch chat

April 2020

[Copypasta] This message legally certifies that I was here

Response to "go fuck yourself"

Classic

Wife wants to leave me because of an NFT diamond ring

Another Response to Navy Seal Copypasta

Chinese gibberish copypasta

Oh, so you support your girlfriend?

Simps

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