[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Imaqtpie submits his Pocket Pick

twitchquotes: Hi Mr Santana. Marc Merrill here. Your recent submission to our 'Pocket Pick' video series left us scratching our chins. Whilst we agree that pepperoni has a nice "twang", the video was supposed to be about your favorite champion, NOT your favorite Hot Pocket. We would appreciate it if you could remake the video, thanks.
twitch chat
March 2017
imaqtpie

League of Legends

That hunk of a man, Blank

twitchquotes: That hunk of a man, Blank, is an E-sports athlete? Unbelievable. He could be a freakin model. Or a pro footballer with a ripped physique like that. That is by far the hottest sportsman to ever grace the esports industry. I'd let him blunk me any day.
twitch chat
July 2018
LCK

League of Legends

Walk down isle to Space Jam and merry Hafu

twitchquotes: Hello kripp, I am psychic peter pasterino who can predict the futurino. I have mind visioned that in 5 years you will walk down the isle to Space Jam and topkiss your bride, Hafu. There were many Well Mets and toasts with OJ. If you wish for this to come true, though, you must proclaim your true love for her soon before it is too laterino.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

According to all known laws of TFT, there is no way a Soju should be able to fast 9

According to all known laws of TFT, there is no way a Soju should be able to fast 9 with this board. Its gold are too small, and its comp is not stable. The Soju, of course, goes fast 9 anyway because Soju doesn't care what humans think is a fast eif.
July 2022
k3soju

Teamfight Tactics

PagChomp

⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣯⣥⣤⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠻⠿⠟⠉⠉⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⣡⣼⣿⣿⣿⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣟⣭⣤⣶⣶⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⡀⢀⣩⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⡛⠛⠛⠛⢋⣩⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⠛⠛⠓⠠⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣦⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠃ ⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣥⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣾⣿⣿⠏⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⣩⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣜⡻⠋⠀⠀⠀ ⣰⣾⣷⣶⣿⣾⣖⣻⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠉⢉⡽⠃⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡤⠚⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⠛⢶⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠃⠀⠀⠀⠈⠲⣴⣦⣤⣤⣤⣶⡾⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠄⠈⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
September 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing