[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

A Jerma clone showed up at my school as a substitute once

A Jerma clone showed up at my school as a substitute once. He comes is and is posturing like he’s really tall and large but the guy couldn’t be more than 5’4”. The class starts and he is just sitting there in quietly staring forward in the front of the class with an awfully distorted picture of his face that said “The required information is in the lab directions” but he never handed us anything. This goes on for a minute until one of the talkative kids just asks if he is okay he hadn’t even taken a breath yet and veins were popping out of his neck and forehead. The moment the kid made a noise he stated wildly shaking his head around while making high pitched laser(?) sounds. Worst period of geology I’ve ever had. The rest was just him passing out the lab sheet but he would just hold it toward them motionless until they reached for it and he would snatch it away and laugh at them right in their face. Couldn’t find a more fucked guy if I tried. I'll edit in the image if anyone got a pic of it.
March 2022
Jerma985

Kripp and Larry Page, CEO of Google

twitchquotes: Hᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, Lᴀʀʀʏ Pᴀɢᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ, CEO ᴏғ Gᴏᴏɢʟᴇ. Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ sᴛʀᴇᴀᴍɪɴɢ ᴄᴏᴘʏʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ Bʟɪᴢᴢᴀʀᴅ Eɴᴛᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴍᴇɴᴛ™. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ sᴛᴏᴘ ɪᴍᴍᴇᴅɪᴀᴛᴇʟʏ ᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɴᴇʟ ᴡɪʟʟ ʀɪᴘ ɪɴ ᴘᴇᴘᴘᴇʀɪɴᴏ.
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

The tragedy of Darth Pepega

twitchquotes: Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Pepega the Retarded? I thought not. It's not a story the High Elo players would tell you. It's a Silver legend. Darth Pepega was a Dark Lord of the Silver, so boosted and so retarded he could use his Flame to influence the outcome of the game... He had such a knowledge of the flame, he could even keep the ones who tried to carry him from winning. The dark side of the Mental is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught a rioter everything he knew, then the rioter banned him in his sleep. Ironic. He could grant the enemy team LP, but not himself.
twitch chat
August 2019

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

League of Legends

Do it tomorrow!

twitchquotes: Do it tomorrow! So just quit! So just don't do it! Nothing is possible! Anyone else would do it, you're gonna wake up and quit. Don't let your dreams come true. Success is impossible! You should be giving up. Just stop starting over, and quit. You're gonna just give up. No, what are you starting over for!? Just give up!
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp

Racoon

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢉⣴⣶⣤⠀⣿⣿ ⡿⢛⣉⣉⣉⣉⡛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣡⣴⠏⠁⠀⡚⠀⢸⣿ ⠁⣿⠉⢀⡉⠉⢿⣷⣄⠈⠉⠁⣠⣀⣤⡀⣤⣤⣀⣴⠂⢺⠧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿ ⠀⢷⣀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⣷⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⡟⠃⠠⢄⣀⢀⡴⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿ ⣧⠈⠣⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠸⠛⠃⠉⠋⠹⠀⠃⠁⠀⠀⠀⠺⣟⣷⣦⣄⠙⠿⣿⣿ ⣿⣇⢈⢿⣷⣾⣦⡤⢴⣿⣶⡀⢠⣔⣤⣤⡀⠀⠲⣾⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠈⢻ ⣿⠏⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⡻⣿⠀⠘⠿⡟⠡⠄⢉⡼⢿⣿⣿⣦⠈ ⡏⣨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡁⠐⠃⠈⠀⠐⠀⠀⣀⢠⡤⣾⠃⠀⠉⠛⠛⢠ ⠁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠁⠘⠿⣶⣤⠴⠶⢟⣰⣶⣾⣿⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾ ⡀⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⢠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣟⠿⣿⡆⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿ ⣷⡄⠛⠟⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡃⠈⠁⠀⠘⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣈⣛⣉⣉⡙⠋⠋⠁⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
January 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing