[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Hey Kripp. it's Chris from Overwolf

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp. it's Chris from Overwolf. We're sorry to say we have to terminate your sponsor contract due to the fact that you consistently keep losing, even though you're using decks drafted through the HearthArena app. You are simply bringing us too much unneeded bad reputation, so we figure we'd just channel the funds we spend on you on a better player like Amaz. Sorry for this, and good luck in the future.
twitch chat
September 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

I'm a level 20, diamond 1 smurf who mains ADC Taric

twitchquotes: What’s so special about this? Seriously, i am a level 20, diamond 1 smurf who mains adc taric. I was playing with a Morganna support vs a katarina, she did the same exact thing. Seriously, i see all morg mains make simple plays like these. Nothing INSANE about this basic hig-elo play, you cardboard scrubs. 
twitch chat
November 2014
Trick2g

Tanner throws his disheveled red McDonald's hat

twitchquotes: Tanner throws his disheveled red McDonald's hat and apron onto the beer-stained couch. He turns on the computer monitor which nearly blinds him, and light floods the room, revealing the months worth of pizza boxes and beers strewn about the floor. He opens Microsoft Edge. His fingers stick to the keyboard as he types "Kripp's stream" into Bing search, ready for another successful day of roasting Kripp.
twitch chat
January 2019
Kripp

Tanner from High School

You have been gifted another INCOMING HYDRA

twitchquotes: ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ You have been gifted another INCOMING HYDRA. Type HandsUp to summon. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
twitch chat
September 2020

KappaPride

Hosty can you roleplay as a ghost in real life?

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) hosty can u please roleplay so when ur ghosting u pretend ur a ghost in real life? thank you (◕‿◕✿)
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing