[Copypasta] Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

RNGesus who art in Hearthstone

twitchquotes: RNGesus who art in Hearthstone, Random be thy game. Thy random come, Thy turn be done, on Azeroth as it is in Hearthstone. Give us this day our daily quest, and forgive us our misplays, as we forgive those who queue as hunter and lead us not into fatigue but deliver us from zero. For thine is the random, and the mulligan, and the topdeck, always yet never, Ameno.
twitch chat
May 2016
Reynad

Hearthstone

Russkis of Easterino

twitchquotes: Guten tag mutterfugers. Das ist Gestrud Hitlerino of 1945. We are in need of assisterino for defeating the Russkis of Easterino. If you would lend your Mods to assisterino, we would be danke and one with stream. Please no copy seig heil pasta
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

FREE CHAT FROM SLOW MODE

⠀⣿⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⣿⡆⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⣿⠛⠛⠛⠛ ⠀⣿⣦⣤⣤⠀⠀⣿⣷⣤⣶⡿⠃⠀⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⣿⣦⣤⣤⡤ ⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠈⢻⣧⡀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⠀⠛⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠛⠃⠀⠀⠙⠓⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛ ⠀⣴⠟⠛⠛⣷⡄⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⢰⡿⢿⡄⠀⠘⠛⢻⣿⠛⠛ ⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⣤⣤⣾⡇⠀⢀⣿⠃⠸⣿⡀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⠘⣿⣄⠀⢀⣴⡆⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⢹⡇⠀⣼⡿⠿⠿⢿⣧⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⠀⠈⠛⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠛⠃⠀⠀⠘⠃⠐⠛⣀⣀⡀⠈⠛⠂⠀⠘⠛ ⠀⣿⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⣿⡆⠀⣰⡿⠛⠛⠻⣶⡀⠀⣿⣿⡄⠀⣸⣿⡇ ⠀⣿⣦⣤⣤⠀⠀⣿⣷⣤⣶⡿⠃⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⣿⠻⣧⢀⡿⢸⡇ ⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠈⢻⣧⡀⠀⢿⣇⠀⠀⢀⣿⠇⠀⣿⠀⢿⣾⡇⢸⡇ ⠀⠛⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠛⠃⠀⠀⠙⠓⠀⠈⢛⣻⣿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠛⠀⠘⠛⠀⠘⠃ ⢀⣾⠛⠛⢻⣦⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠟⠛⠛⢷⣄⠀⣿⡄⠀⣾⣿⡇⠀⢸⡟ ⠀⠻⣷⣶⣤⣀⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⢹⣧⢰⡿⠘⣷⠀⣿⠃ ⢠⣤⠀⠈⢹⣿⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣷⡀⠀⠀⣸⡿⠀⠘⣿⣾⠇⠀⢻⣿⡟ ⠀⠙⠻⠿⠛⠋⠀⠘⠛⠛⠛⣛⣃⡀⠙⠛⠿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠀⠀⠘⠛⠃ ⠀⣿⣿⡀⠀⣼⣿⡇⠀⣰⡿⠛⠛⠻⣶⡀⠀⣿⡟⠛⠻⣷⡄⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠃ ⠀⣿⠸⣇⢰⡿⢻⡇⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⢹⣷⠀⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⠀ ⠀⣿⠀⢿⣿⠇⢸⡇⠀⢿⣇⠀⠀⢀⣿⠇⠀⣿⡇⠀⢀⣾⡏⠀⣿⡇ ⠀⠛⠀⠘⠛⠀⠘⠃⠀⠈⠛⠻⠿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃
September 2020

Useless Spotify ad

twitchquotes: Thanks for listening to Spotify. No, really. You could've listened to the radio. You could've spun some vinyl. You could've played a cassette tape. You could've listened to an eight track tape, if you knew what an eight track tape looked like. But you listened to Spotify. Thanks for that. And you still have hundreds of more playlists to enjoy
twitch chat
May 2020

Lea moans over Reynad's powerful Hearthstone thighs

twitchquotes: Lᴇᴀ ɪs ᴍᴏᴀɴɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴛʜʀᴜsᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀғᴜʟ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛʜsᴛᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜɪɢʜs ᴀɴᴅ 8.5 ɪɴᴄʜ (ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀsᴇ) ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀ. Sʜᴇ sᴄʀᴇᴀᴍs ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴏʟʟ ʜᴇʀ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏᴘ ᴅᴇᴄᴋ ʜᴇʀ. Hᴇʀ ᴍᴏɪsᴛ ᴛᴏᴍᴀᴛᴏ sᴀᴜᴄᴇ ɢᴜsʜᴇs ᴀʟʟ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴇᴘᴘᴇʀᴏɴɪs ᴀs sʜᴇ ʀᴜɴs ʜᴇʀ ғɪɴɢᴇʀɴᴀɪʟs ᴅᴏᴡɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɴᴀᴋᴇᴅ, ʜᴀɪʀʟᴇss, ʙᴏʏ-ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴄʜᴇsᴛ. Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing