PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
Yo boys u ready for the perfect pyramid LUL ?
twitchquotes:
Yo boys u ready for the perfect pyramid 
? I’m a god xDxDxD xD look at the most perfect pyramid. Try like me! Can’t without dank meme And now look it will be o very tall Can you do a 5 line pyramid? What about 6 lines XD Try it! Copy it! Here it’s 8 it is 9!
? I’m a god xDxDxD xD look at the most perfect pyramid. Try like me! Can’t without dank meme And now look it will be o very tall Can you do a 5 line pyramid? What about 6 lines XD Try it! Copy it! Here it’s 8 it is 9!
twitch chat
HELLO EU? How many games did you win?
twitchquotes:
📞 
HELLO EU? 📞 How many games did you win today ? 📞
HELLO EU? 📞 How many games did you win today ? 📞
twitch chat
League of Legends
EU vs NA
You toss and turn as Elon gently rubs your shoulders
You toss and turn as Elon gently rubs your shoulders. "You seem a little tense" says Elon, as you look at your bank account. Your phone shows $107 left to your name. You think to yourself while Elon rubs you down, you pull open Robin Hood, type in TSLA. Leaps $900 JAN 2023' are only $1 you can afford 1 leap. This is finally your chance to get rich, you'll be able to actually buy a Tesla. You ask Elon what the next Tesla will be. He says "U, for 'you'" as he smiles sweetly. You picture him dancing on stage explaining U S3XY to everyone multiple times as you smile back at him.
All of a sudden Elon flips on the TV to CNBC to catch the tail end of Jim Cramer, you see a new law has been passed, "we believe options have inflated the markets into a bubble, we will be imposing a new rule next week only allowing accounts that qualify for day trades to also purchase options with a $25,000 barrier to entry."
You start weeping aloud, you feel a caring hand wipe your tear away, it's Elon again, "what's wrong my little X'√π3?"
Suddenly you wake, you're in a pool of sweat, at first you panic about the new options policy, then you're filled with relief realizing that options aren't restricted it was all a dream.
You realize this was actually a vision to earn 200,000% gains to buy a TSLA leap. You log into RH, it welcomes you with your $107 balance, you plug in TSLA yolo 2023 @ $900 and realize the options are actually $20 each. The best you can do is $900 TSLA weekly expiring around Christmas.
In a slight fit of despair you try to remember the feeling of Elon rubbing your cheek, and rub one out onto your stomach, then roll over back to sleep. A single tear rolls from your eye into your waifu pillow.
YOLO you whisper.
WallStreetBets
Wanna buy some dongers?
twitchquotes:
༼ຈل͜├┬┴┬┴ Psst… Moderator, you wanna buy some dongers?
twitch chat
I hate JoJo
I fucking hate JoJo. Every subreddit I go through has a vermin-like underclass of JoJo fanboys. They all just have to say “iS THat A JOJo ReFErEncE??!!!1” on every fucking post that contains a single word that may have been used in the shitty comics. Oh, a suspicious link? Probably a rickroll. NOPE!!! They’ve ruined that, too! One of the oldest goddamn internet traditions shat on and ruined by JoJo fanboys. Thunder Cross Split Attack! So fucking funny, right? I’m wheezing! NO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody cares about your shitty comic series. Dio is a stupid character from a stupid comic series. I downvote every post and comment that mentions JoJo, out of pure bloodcurdling rage. I want to detonate a MASSIVE thermonuclear warhead right on top of whatever godforsaken studio publishes that stinking-pile-of-trash comic. Frankly, I don’t even care for the civilian casualties, either. At least they died for a good reason. Unlike JoJo fans, I actually contribute to the betterment of mankind, instead of spamming shitty references on the internet. Every JoJo fan that dies a slow, painful death is a win in my book. I have claimed over a dozen of them already, too. I annihilated their skulls with my fists. Their stupid ice attack didn’t do shit for them either. They dies like they lived, pathetic excuses for humans. I hope more people hear my message and declare war on JoJo. If nobody helps me, I will do as much damage as I possibly can before I die. Thank you.