[Copypasta] I love ketchup so much

I enjoy ketchup more than the average person. Made with tomatoes and vinegar, this ubiquitous red sauce is my condiment of choice for a wide variety of dining situations. Sweet and tangy, it's perfect for eating with french fries and burgers, of course, but you might not realize how good it is incorporated into other dishes. Its unique sweet and savory nature makes it a bit of a dynamo that way. No wonder this addictive table staple of households and restaurants is so beloved.
April 2022
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More Copypastas

GME bank consultation

Short story-time for amusement reasons only: some days ago, I went to my bank (Austria). I am the owner of quite a number of GME shares and my broker app is actually just the bank-intern bond trading app, where I need to pay transactional feed everytime I buy (what is sell?) GME shares. I informed myself about the reasoning of those transactional fees beforehand and found out that by paying them, I have the right of consultation by my bank about the shares they‘re trading/I‘m buying. So, I went to the main national building of my bank, they were really friendly at the beginning, enthustiatically, I mentioned GME to them and that I wish for professional consultation about the financial details involved with that stock (I am not a financial guy, actually, I don‘t exactly know what‘s going on, it‘s all pretty crazy to me). Suddenly, their posture and mimick changed pretty suddenly. I was told, they are not allowed to consult about GME. To my question, why this was the case, they told me, because GME is „too irrelevant for the big stock market“. They are „aware of the past short squeeze, but one should no longer focus on GME“. They acted as if GME was some „childish financial playground“ that should be forgotten about. When I confronted them with the huge recent naked short attacks and if they could explain to me possible effects of them if they were not covered, they just repeated themselves how „GME is not relevant, please focus on stocks like Apple or Amazon to be safe“. I left the bank, buying more GME shares.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missile. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of delivering a W78 nuclear warhead with an explosive yield of 3x500 kilotons of TNT anywhere on the planet at Mach 23. People say to me that a person being a Minuteman III is impossible and I’m incredibly destructive but I don’t care. I’m having Air Force Global Strike Command install new three-stage solid-fuel rocket engines and give me an $86 billion upgrade on my 59 foot body. From now on I want you guys to call me "ICBM" and respect my right to be in service until at least the 2030s. If you can’t accept me you’re missileophobe and need to check your local AFB for missile silos. Thank you, and I'll see you in WW3.
twitch chat
May 2017

I sexually Identify as

AYAYA face

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣠⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⡉⠻⣿⣿⣷⣀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄ ⠄⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄ ⠄⠁⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠉⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄ ⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣠⡼⠛⣁⣴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄ ⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄ ⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠁⣀⣉⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠙⢫⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⣁⣤⣴⣶⣶⣦⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠃⢸⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡙⠛⣉⣡⣤⡴⠖⠄⠚⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠒⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2021

Weebs

I heard-a you-a guys-a like-a da pasta!

twitchquotes: (° ~͜ʖ~ °)I heard-a you-a guys-a like-a da pasta!(° ~͜ʖ~ °)
twitch chat
October 2014
Trick2g

Hafu likes money a lot

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) Hello! My name is Hafu! (◡‿◡✿) My boyfriend just broke up with me! He said he doesn't like looking at my beef curtains and my chest is too flat. (◕‿-) But it's okay! I will sob uncontrollably on stream. My viewers will feel sorry for me and give me lots of money. I like money a lot. (。♥‿♥。)
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing