Hey, quandale Pringle here,
My boss caught me watching a hottub streamer during work and he squeezed my hog so hard and wouldn't even stop after I banned him.
My brother Cornelius Bartholomew Anderson ringle got caught in an alberian twitch prime and bits scam and got sent to the gulag, but we've snuck him a Nokia 3310 in his ass with a spoon that he'll be using to plan a breakout with my cousin longsdale dimmsdimone slingle.
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
Is today the day when I finally end it all?
twitchquotes:
Is today the day when I should finally end it all? ⎝ 
🔫
Is today the day when I should finally end it all? ⎝ 🔫
twitch chat
10 years since Dota 2 update
twitchquotes:
１０ ｙｅａｒｓ ｓｉｎｃｅ Ｄｏｔａ ２ ｕｐｄａｔｅ． Ｉ ｗａｌｋ ｔｈｒｏｕｇｈ ｔｈｅ ｅ ｍｐｔｙ ｓｔｒｅｅｔｓ ｔｒｙｉｎｇ ｔｏ ｔｈｉｎｋ ｏｆ ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ ｅｌｓｅ ｂｕｔ Ｉ ａｌｗａｙｓ ｅｎｄ ｕｐ ｓｉｔｔｉｎｇ ｈｅｒｅ， ｉｎ ｆｒｏｎｔ ｏｆ ｍｙ ｃｏｍｐ ｕｔｅｒ． Ｉ ｓｔａｒｅ ａｔ ｔｈｅ ｓｃｒｅｅｎ ｆｏｒ ｈｏｕｒｓ ａｎｄ ｔｒｙ ｔｏ ｓ ｕｍｍｏｎ Icefrog． Ｉ ｗａｔｃｈ ｏｔｈｅｒ ｇａｍｅｓ ｕｐｄａｔｉｎｇ ａｎｄ ｇｅ ｔｔｉｎｇ ｎｅｗ ｈｅｒｏｅｓ ｂｕｔ ｉｔ ｉｓ ｎｏ ｇｏｏｄ． Ｉ ｃｏｕｎｔｅｒ ｐｉｃｋ Ｓｎｉｐｅｒ ｔｏ ｒｅｓｉｓｔ ｔｈｅ ｍｅｔａ， ｂｕｔ ｉｔ'ｓ ａｌｌ ｍｅａｎｉｎｇｌｅ ｓｓ． Ｔｈｅ ｅｎｄ ｉｓ ｎｅａｒ． Ｔｈｅｎ Ｉ ｌｏｏｋ ｏｎ ｔｈｅ ｐａｔｃｈ－ｕｐｄａ ｔｅ ｈｉｓｔｏｒｙ ａｎｄ ｃｒｙ ｍｙｓｅｌｆ ｔｏ ｓｌｅｅｐ．
twitch chat
SingSing
Dota 2
Coronavirus
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣶⡟⢉⠁⠈⡻⠘⠏⠀⠹⢛⣷⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡞⢿⡄⠀⢻⡴⣇⣀⣷⣴⢄⢀⡖⡾⠁⢀⣼⢛⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⣠⣄⠈⠙⢦⣿⣶⠞⠋⠉⠁⣀⣄⡀⠉⠙⠻⢦⣾⣵⠟⠉⢠⣄⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⢰⣯⣙⠷⣄⡴⠋⣤⣤⣤⠀⢸⡏⢉⣿⠀⣠⡤⣤⡘⢷⣤⡴⣛⣹⣧⠀⠀
⠀⢀⣄⠀⠉⢛⡿⠁⠘⣧⣀⣼⠃⠀⠙⠛⠁⠀⢿⣄⣸⠇⠀⢹⡟⠉⠁⢀⣄⠀
⠀⡾⡙⣛⣳⣾⠁⠀⡀⣀⠉⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢁⡀⡀⠀⢿⣶⣛⣋⣻⠀
⠀⠉⠈⠉⠈⡹⠀⠸⠁⠙⣷⠀⠀⢸⡏⠉⣷⠀⠀⢰⠉⠈⣣⠀⠸⡉⠉⠉⠉⠀
⠀⣿⠛⣛⣻⣿⠀⠈⠛⠙⠁⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠉⠀⣼⣽⣛⡛⣹⠀
⠀⠘⠟⠉⠁⣘⣧⠀⢀⡶⠛⢶⡂⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⣴⠟⢳⡄⠀⢰⣏⠀⠉⠙⠛⠀
⠀⠀⢰⡶⢛⣭⠟⢧⡈⠷⠶⠾⠁⢰⡏⠙⣷⠀⠻⢦⠾⢃⣴⠿⢯⣛⢳⡶⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠻⠟⠁⢀⡴⣿⢶⣄⡀⠀⠈⠛⠚⠋⠀⢀⣠⡴⣾⢷⣄⠀⠹⠟⠁⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢺⣏⣴⠏⠀⣸⠟⠝⠓⠶⠶⠖⠛⠛⣯⠀⠘⢷⣙⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⣶⣏⣬⠁⠀⣥⢠⠆⠀⣰⣘⣷⠄⠈⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠀⠘⠳⠾⠛⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
CORONAVIRUS IS HERE CHAT monkaW
Coronavirus
COVID
Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass
I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass.
I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
Confessions
Who’s Joe? Joe Momma
"Who’s joe?" a distant voice asks.
Instantly everyone nearby hears the sound of 1,000s of bricks rapidly shuffling towards his location.
The earth itself seemed to cry out in agony, until finally the ground itself split open and a horrific creature crawled from the ground, covered in mucus and tar.
”Joe Momma…” the creature whispered.
The man cried out in pain as he disintegrated into dust, and the whole world fell silent in fear.
"I did a little trolling." the wretched creature remarked before burrowing back into the earth.