[Copypasta] I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm *** retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
November 2014

Classic

I sexually Identify as

I used to be a real ad
More Classic Copypastas

The Coldest Place in the Universe May Actually Be a Sussy Baka

The Boomerang Nebula, located roughly 5,000 light-years away from our solar system, has a temperature of 1 Kelvin (-272 Β°C or -460 Β°F) making it the coldest natural place in the universe humanity has discovered. First found in 1995 by astronomers in Chile, we have since learned quite a bit about it. The Boomerang Nebula is a young planetary nebula which has reached such cold temperatures due to its unusually rapid expansion. However, recently, modern online enthusiasts have raised one question science has yet been unable to answer: is it sus? The profound similarities between the Boomerang Nebula and the characters from the hit game Among Us have led many to believe that the Boomerang Nebula is, in fact, awfully sus, but science has yet to confirm, deny, or even respond to these questions. Follow for more updates on this developing story.
June 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

Fuck You Chat

β „β’Έβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ ›β ›β ƒβ’Έβ£Ώβ‘‡β „β „β£Ώβ‘‡β „β£Όβ£Ώβ Ÿβ »β£Ώβ£†β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ’ β£Ύβ£Ώβ ‹β „β „ ⠄Ⓒ⣿⣷⣢⣢⠄Ⓒ⣿⑇⠄⠄⣿⑇⠄⣿⑏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄ β „β’Έβ£Ώβ‘‡β „β „β „β ˜β£Ώβ£§β£€β£°β£Ώβ‘‡β „β’Ώβ£Ώβ£€β£ β£Ώβ‘Άβ „β£Ώβ£Ώβ ƒβ’Ήβ£Ώβ£†β „β „ β „β ˜β ›β ƒβ „β „β „β „β ˜β ›β ›β ›β ‹β „β „β ˆβ ›β ›β ›β ›β β „β ›β ›β „β „β ›β ›β ƒβ „ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⒠⣀⑄⠄⠄⣀⣀⠄⒀⣠⣀⣄⑀⠄⒠⣀⑄⠄⠄⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β „β „β „β „β’»β£Ώβ£„β£Όβ£Ώβ ƒβ£°β£Ώβ Ÿβ ›β’Ώβ£Ώβ‘„β’Έβ£Ώβ‘‡β „β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β „β „β „ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⑿⠁⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄Ⓒ⣿⑇Ⓒ⣿⑇⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⑇⠄⠄⠹⣿⣦⣀⣼⣿⠃⠄⣿⣷⣀⣴⣿⑏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ›β ƒβ „β „β „β ˆβ ›β ›β ‹β β „β „β ˆβ ™β ›β ›β ‰β „β „β „β „β „β „ ⠄⠄⒀⣠⣀⣀⣄⑀⠄⣀⣀⠄⠄⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⑄⠄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄ β „β „β£Ύβ£Ώβ ‹β ™β Ώβ —β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ£€β£€β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β£Έβ£Ώβ’Ώβ£·β „β ›β ›β£Ώβ£Ώβ ›β ›β „β „ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⠄⒠⣿⣏⣸⣿⑆⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β „β »β£Ώβ£¦β£΄β£Ώβ‘Ÿβ „β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β£Όβ£Ώβ Ώβ Ώβ’Ώβ£Ώβ‘€β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ „β „β „β „ β „β „β „β ˆβ ‰β ‰β ‰β „β „β ‰β ‰β „β „β ‰β ‰β „β ‰β ‰β „β „β ˆβ ‰β β „β ‰β ‰β „β „β „β „
ascii art
June 2019

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

If you shit in the sink at exactly 4:20 am and yell β€œamogus” 69 times

If you shit in the sink at exactly 4:20 am and yell β€œamogus” 69 times,a shadowy figured called mom will come to beat you up and you will wake up in a place called the orphanage
May 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

gachiGASM

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–“β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–’β–„β–“β–‘β–’β–„β–„β–„β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–€β–€β–€β–€β–’β–‘β–„β–‘β–„β–’β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–’β–€β–’β–€β–’β–“β–’β–“β–‘β–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–“β–’β–“β–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–“β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–“β–’β–’β–’β–“ β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–€β–„β–’β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–’β–’β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–‘β–‘
ascii art
April 2016

KappaPride

Classic

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.
July 2021

Classic

More Classic Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing