(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Dear Mr. Morosan, this is Sister Agatha

twitchquotes: Dear Mr. Morosan, this is Sister Agatha from the preschool down the road. Did you and Rania have a child recently? I ask because of all the crying and whining I've heard coming from your house. The only explanation is that there is an immature person in there, and surely that wouldn't be you, a fine emotionally-stable adult! Please come by and I'll give the child a free lesson in manners! Cheers, Agatha.
twitch chat
April 2018
Kripp

Classic

neverlucky

If, according to Kanye West

If, according to Kanye West, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches, and if, according to Lil Wayne, bitches come a dime a dozen, does that mean one good girl is worth $8.33? Well, $8.35 in Canada. In Thailand, $8.33 is about 275 Baht. 275 Baht will get you a skanky one in a Thai brothel. If you want a really good hooker, it'll cost you at least 2000 Baht, or about $61.00. So in Thailand a good woman is worth $61.00 or $732 a dozen. Yes. However to further this, according to 2Pac Mo' Money= Mo' Bitches If you divide out Mo', you will see that money=bitches Therefore, 1000 moneys= one good girl. To extrapolate further, diving with respect to "money" yields 1 money = $0.00833 This changes everything, because money isn't worth hardly anything. True. A linear relationship between money and bitches means the equation relating money to them is in the form of y=ax+b, where x is money and y is bitches. Consulting the Lil Wayne theorem, if 12 bitches are worth $0.10, then one is $0.0083. Therefore we know that the equation 1=a(.0083)+b must hold true and so must 12=a(.1)+b. To find the equation relating money to bitches must have "a" and "b" values which satisfy the two previous equations. Since "Mo'" implies a positive linear relation, we know "a" must be positive. I have done the math for you and found that a=119.96 and b=.0043. So, (Bitches)=119.96(Money) + .0043. To find the number of good girls you get from an amount of money, simply divide the number of bitches by 1000 (because of the Kanye West Theorem). No but biggie said mo' money= mo' problems so money=problems and since mo' money mo' bitches, we can see that bitches=problems Well one must first consult the "50 Cent Law": "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems". Here we see that the amount of money is proportionate to the number of problems. Then one must factor one of the basic rules of the "The Carter Theorem" : "I got 99 problem but a bitch ain't one". Here we see that without a "bitch" the average person will have exactly 99 problems. Therefore the formula must be applied: (current amount of money) (8.33) / ln[(Problems100-1 ) (current amount of money)]bitches = worth of bitch Unfortunately this formula only tells us the value "a bitch" which as we know is only worth one monies Therefore you must apply [(worth of said prostitute) (problems) * (money-8.33)] + 1 / 1000 = The value of a good girl. Hope this helps. Yeah. No. That's not how math works. 2pac was merely stating that the derivative of Money in terms of Bitches is strictly positive. More-over, he skipped a lot of steps in his proof and never formally published the full version. I bet you believed Fermat's margins really were too small as well, right? Imperial bitches is actually a unit of weight. An imperial one is ~111.1111111112 pounds (Also known as a feminist) Theres one fundamental law of math that Lil'Wayne forgot to include in his calculations. We have to follow the law of "bitches ain't shit" theorized by doctor dre himself. With that principal included we can work out that if bitches aint shit, and a good girl is worth 1,000 bitches, a good girl is still not worth shit. You're forgetting that Jay-Z published his paper on the "Money Ain't A Thang" theory. Therefore if bitches aren't worth shit then bitches aren't money and so therefore they ARE, in fact, a "Thang". Is that the transitive property of bitches? Is it possible that for every bitch, there is an equal and opposite good girl? That doesn't make sense though because kanye said a good girl is worth one thousand bitches. The economics don't make sense. Newton or kanye is wrong. They cannot both apply their laws to bitches I think the important part here is, are we assuming that there is 1 good girl for every 1000 bitches. This is a very scary thought. 1/1000 females is a good girl and the other 999 are bitches. To me this would make my $8.33 a very good investment. I paid at least $3000 for my wife's wedding ring. Could I have bought 360 good girls in stead of 1 good girl? B/c I can't help but feel like I have overpaid for my good girl according to the genius of Kanye West and Little Weezy F. Baby. Don't get me wrong, I love my good girl wife, but I feel duped knowing she may have only been worth 8 bucks instead of 3000 It actually depends on they type of women. If it is a bakers daughter it is less since the sample size is actually larger I.E. a bakers dozen (13) so: (.10/13)x1000=$7.69 ...0r $9.69 Canadian (not counting the maple syrup) How much candy you can buy for $8.33? We can conclude that 1 bitch is worth approximately 0.83c, but since bitches are of negative value it's actually -0.83c. This means that in order to get the correct positive value of a good girl there needs to be an exponential factor involved here. In order to evaluate the amount of good girls needed to offset the bitches you use the simple formula -0.0083B2 = G. This intuitively makes sense when you think about how the more bitches you have around you the exponentially higher value even a single good girl has. So when B=1000 we get: G = -0.0083(1000)2 = $68.89 Interestingly enough, if the entire female population of the US, let's say 150 million for simplicity, were bitches, the worth of one good girl would then be $1,550,025,000,000 which is just over the total USD currently in circulation.
March 2022
What happened to this ad? :(

Among Us pick up lines

Thankful to have you as a crewmate… but do you want to add a letter and become screwmates instead? Hey, are you one of my tasks? Because I really want to do you. Hey, are you a vent? Because I’m the imposter and I’d love to come in you. I have a lot of tasks to complete still, but I’d love to do you first. Hey, call me the MedBay… because I’d love to scan your body. Figuring out the imposter is hard…. but I’ve got something harder. I’m jealous of your hat… Because it gets to be on you. Hey are you busy later? Because I’d love to explore your lower engine. Hey, you’re done your tasks right? Wanna come explore my cockpit then? If you’re the imposter, I’d love to be the vent… That way you can come inside me whenever you want. Damn, I wish you were a task… Because I’d have no problem doing you and over and over. Hey did you just kill me? Because I’ve got a big bone sticking out now…
April 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Please stop spaming gachiGASM and gachiBASS

twitchquotes: Chat. My son is watching kripp. Please stop spaming gachiGASM and gachiBASS . It's not good for a kid to see that. He might be curious about tasting a glorious *** in the future. I dont want that.
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp

A donger with a monocle

twitchquotes: (β•­ΰ²°_βŠ™) what, never seen a donger with a monocle? (β•­ΰ²°_βŠ™)
twitch chat
May 2015
Kripp
What happened to this ad? :(

Donging through the snow

twitchquotes: α••ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½α•— Donging through the snow α••ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½α•— α••ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½α•— In a one dong open sleigh α••ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½α•— over the dongs we go α••ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½α•— donging all the way α••ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½α•—
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen

Victorious chant "AYYYYY LMAO"

twitchquotes: Pondering through the house, looking for an adventure, the no longer small cat 'Smallcat' pondered upon this majestic and fabulous being, the one and only Imaqtpie. As qtpie conquered his opponent and screeched his victorious chant "AYYYYY LMAAOO", Smallcat consentingly nodded his head.
twitch chat
August 2015
imaqtpie

Reynad shows us how to throw a game of Hearthstone

twitchquotes: (⌐ Ν‘β–’ ΝœΚ– Ν‘β–’) Now watch closely Twitch Chat as Reynad shows us how to throw a game of Hearthstone. (⌐ Ν‘β–’ ΝœΚ– Ν‘β–’)
twitch chat
July 2015
Reynad

Hearthstone

Catten Eatarrian

twitchquotes: "This pasta is delicious, Rania," says Kripp as he receives his vegan foodie. Rania replies, "That's not pasta. It's cat." As the Kripp vomits in horror, Trump removes the Rania mask. "It seems you've catten Eatarrian."
twitch chat
June 2015
Kripp
What happened to this ad? :(

Amogus Army

π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆžπ“ŠΉαŽ― π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆžπ“ŠΉαŽ― π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆžπ“ŠΉαŽ― π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆžπ“ŠΉαŽ― π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆžπ“ŠΉαŽ― π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆžπ“ŠΉαŽ― π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆžπ“ŠΉαŽ― π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆžπ“ŠΉαŽ― π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž π“ŒœΰΆž π“Œ±ΰΆž π“ŒΰΆž
April 2022

Among Us / Amogus

MagicAmy should play as a spy in TF2

twitchquotes: (β—•β€Ώβ—•βœΏ) MagicAmy you should play as a spy in TF2 so you can justify being a shapeshifting backstabbing sociopath (β—•β€Ώβ—•βœΏ)
twitch chat
February 2015
magicamy

Hey Reynad, its me, the lamp behind you

twitchquotes: Hey Reynad, its me, the lamp behind you. Do you remember when you used to turn me on all the time? Now that you're a big time gaming memester, I get as much use as the surfboard and your guitar. I miss you and I hope you use my 29 watts soon
twitch chat
March 2016
Reynad

Fapping to trap porn

twitch chat
July 2017

KappaPride

I used to be a real ad

Tempostorm royalty fees

twitchquotes: (β—•β€Ώβ—•βœΏ) Dear Mr. Kripp. We at Tempostorm have heard that you have used the coined word "Tempo" in a stream today. Reynad will contact you shortly regarding royalty fees. Have a good Tempo Day Back (β—•β€Ώβ—•βœΏ)
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

Giant tropical Kripparians

twitchquotes: Giant tropical Kripparians share their territories with Hearthstone players. Despite never getting to legendary, he's a nimble player. As quick as lightning, just like the player he's killing, the Kripparian has two curved hollow fangs which inject paralyzing salt. Even pros aren't immune from an ambush. This Kripparian is an arena player.
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

Vegetron Ruler and Protector of all plant matter

twitchquotes: Hello Kripp, This is Vegetron Ruler and Protector of all plant matter in the galaxy. I command you to stop being a p*ssy and eat meat, instead of eating all of my relatives. If you don't, I will be super angry at you. You've been warned.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Greek Prime Minister Georgios Pastopoulos

twitchquotes: Hello Kripp, this is Greek Prime Minister Georgios Pastopoulos, since you left our exports of 'BROFISTS' have dropped to 0 and the economy is in shambles. What little food we can afford is used to feed a sad betrayed cat we found. Please come back.
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

Is there an anime character stronger than Madara Uchiha?

twitchquotes: Is there an anime character stronger than Madara Uchiha? And I'm referring to Rinne Tensei Madara Uchiha with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan and Rinnegan doujutsus (with the rikidou paths ability) equipped with his Gunbai and control of the juubi and Gedou Mazou, a complete Susano'o, with Hashirama Senju's DNA implanted in his chest so he can perform Mokuton kekkei genkai and yin-yang release ninjutsu as well as being extremely skilled in taijutsu and bukijutsu
twitch chat
August 2019

Weebs

Text-to-Speech Playing