[Copypasta] I'm just a poor pasta maker

twitchquotes: I'm just a poor pasta maker struggling to make a living in this world. I may not be as fast as those big pasta factories with their fancy machines, but I am committed to providing you a quality pasta experience. I use only the freshest and dankest artisanal memes, and I can assure you that when you RIP in spaghetti, you'll never forgetti.
twitch chat
January 2017
I used to be a real ad
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HELLO 911 JAKE IS IN MY ROOM

twitchquotes: 4Head HELLO 911 📞 4Head JAKE IS IN MY ROOM 📞 4Head HE HAS A PULSE BOMB 📞 4Head WHATS THAT? 📞 4Head ILL BE OKAY? 📞 4Head
twitch chat
April 2018
OverwatchLeague

Classic

Overwatch

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen. When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place. There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise. And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work. Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable. And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts. And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
September 2021

Putin should start an OnlyFans to save the Russian economy

Think about it. The Russian economy is in shambles. All assets frozen, there's no money coming in. But if he just spread that hiney for some people who would like it then why not? With a couple butt spread pictures maybe a ruble can be worth more than a potato again. Here are some content ideas that I suggest: Wanking Videos (pretty basic, these are the cheapest ones cuz his dick🍆 is like 1 cm🥜) Body Worship Videos (kinda hot ngl 😳😌😰, all his dick sucking oligarchs oil his body and touch him in ways he never thought possible👉👌👋🤛) Sanction Bukkake (a livestream where in a dick cums on his face every time he gets a sanction🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆💦💦💦💦💦💦💦) Lukashenko Sex Tapes (these are pretty expensive, a collection of Vladdy Daddy and Lukashenskank cumming with every position in the Kamasutra💃🕺♋🏇🐕) Nuke-In-Crack Challenge (the most expensive one! This is where he fills his hole with the invaluable Russian crude oil and tries to fit a Nuclear Warhead up his ass! ⛽☢️🍑🎆) What u guys think?
March 2022

Russian Ukrainian War

Putin

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣵⣿⣿⣿⠿⡟⣛⣧⣿⣯⣿⣝⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣍⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢷⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⢼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢹⣿⣿⢻⠎⠔⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⣿⠇⡶⠄⣿⣿⠿⠟⡛⠛⠻⣿⡿⠿⠿⣿⣗⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠐⣿⣿⡿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣾⣶⣶⣶⣿⣁⣔⣤⣀⣼⢲⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⣟⣿⣿⣿⡷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣽⠛⢻⣽⣿⡇⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⡷⠻⢻⡻⣯⣝⢿⣟⣛⣛⣛⠝⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠸⣿⣿⡟⣹⣦⠄⠋⠻⢿⣶⣶⣶⡾⠃⡂⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠟⠋⠄⢻⣿⣧⣲⡀⡀⠄⠉⠱⣠⣾⡇⠄⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⢾⣾⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⠟⠃⠄⠄⢈⣻⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿⣾⣷⡄⠄⢾⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
November 2018

Tanner throws his disheveled red McDonald's hat

twitchquotes: Tanner throws his disheveled red McDonald's hat and apron onto the beer-stained couch. He turns on the computer monitor which nearly blinds him, and light floods the room, revealing the months worth of pizza boxes and beers strewn about the floor. He opens Microsoft Edge. His fingers stick to the keyboard as he types "Kripp's stream" into Bing search, ready for another successful day of roasting Kripp.
twitch chat
January 2019
Kripp

Tanner from High School

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