[Copypasta] I'm just a poor pasta maker

twitchquotes: I'm just a poor pasta maker struggling to make a living in this world. I may not be as fast as those big pasta factories with their fancy machines, but I am committed to providing you a quality pasta experience. I use only the freshest and dankest artisanal memes, and I can assure you that when you RIP in spaghetti, you'll never forgetti.
twitch chat
January 2017
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla

December 2021. Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla (Elon Musk invented a more efficient form of security). ARK ETFs are trading at minimum $1,000 a share and investors are signing 10-year pledges just for the privilege. I log on to my Tesla taxi app and order a car. A vintage Roadster pulls up with EDM playing at a tasteful volume. "Where to, King?" asks the anime girl on the console. "You know where", I reply. Palantir knows. We both laugh and the car takes off to Wendys.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter?

Yeah I read that too. Are you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Is that your thing? You come into a thread, you copy some obscure passage and then paste it off as your own idea just to impress some of your "crew" and downvote my friend? See the sad thing about a guy like you is that in 50 years you're gonna start doing some thinking on your own and you're gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life One, you are a talentless and unoriginal hack. And two, you wasted time trying to post other people's thoughts as your own while you could've been honing your skills to be actually creative instead of a thoughtless loser with a paste fetish.
August 2021

Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
April 2020

Classic

WHEN THE IMPOSTOR IS SUS (text)

โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€ โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€ โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€ โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–„ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–„ โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€ โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€ โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€ โ€โ€โ€โ€โ€
ascii art
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Aura relentlessly stabbed the shell out of the turtle

twitchquotes: As Aura relentlessly stabbed the shell out of the turtle with his long hard white sword, he fondly remembered the time that Doug Bowser pounded him until he became bald. Aura was so entranced that he was distracted from the fact that in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table.
twitch chat
February 2020
Aurateur
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