[Copypasta] I'm just a poor pasta maker

twitchquotes: I'm just a poor pasta maker struggling to make a living in this world. I may not be as fast as those big pasta factories with their fancy machines, but I am committed to providing you a quality pasta experience. I use only the freshest and dankest artisanal memes, and I can assure you that when you RIP in spaghetti, you'll never forgetti.
twitch chat
January 2017
I used to be a real ad
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This new spam is too spicy for this casual chat

twitchquotes: tbSpicy THIS tbSpicy NEW tbSpicy SPAM tbSpicy IS tbSpicy TOO tbSpicy SPICY tbSpicy FOR tbSpicy tbSpicy THIS tbSpicy CASUAL tbSpicy CHAT tbSpicy DONT tbSpicy YOU tbSpicy DARE tbSpicy COPY tbSpicy IT tbSpicy
twitch chat
September 2015
Kripp

Art of Conquest is such an amazing FREE game!

twitchquotes: Art of Conquest is such an amazing FREE game! (Thanks for joining our Conquest Loyalty Rewards Program! Your selected channel is: nl_kripp. The more you post this message in his chat, the bigger your rewards! 1 Post = 10k Gold/Mana/Wood. 5 Posts = 50k Basic Resources + 3x 8 Hour Rush. 40 Posts = 750k Basic Resources + 20k Rare Resources + 21x 8 Hour Rush. Please remove this part before posting or your program will be terminated!)
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

sellout

Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019

Saying that the Easter Bunny does not orgasm with every egg laid is considered blasphemy and grounds for excommunication from the Church.

Weird fact: the Easter Bunny was the source of a significant amount of theological debate during the 1200's, as Catholic philosophers debated why God would create a creature in a constant state of labor (and thus suffering). The Catholic Church ultimately resolved this question by declaring that the Easter Bunny orgasmed every time it laid it an egg (which it was doing constantly). This is now codified in Canon Law (the legal code of the Catholic Church and much of Europe in the pre-modern era) and saying that the Easter Bunny does not orgasm with every egg laid is considered blasphemy and grounds for excommunication from the Church.
April 2022

Holiday

Easter

I sexually Identify as the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of seizing the means of production from the dirty bourgeoisie. People say to me that a person being a historical communist revolution is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon instal hammers, sickles, and other assorted proletariat farming tools on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Comrade" and respect my right to seize the means of production and free the working class. If you can't accept me you're an oppressor and need to check your capitalist privileges. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
June 2017

I sexually Identify as

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