[Copypasta] Flex Tape

twitchquotes: To show you the power of Flex Tape, I SAWED THIS BOAT IN HALF and repaired it with only Flex Tape. Not only does Flex Tape's powerful adhesive hold the boat together, but it creates a super strong, water-tight seal so the inside is completely dry. YEE DOGGIE! Just cut, peel, stick, and seal. Imagine everything you can do with the power of Flex Tape!
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August 2018
I used to be a real ad
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The year is 2030. The AOC is now the Supreme Emperor of the United States and the Americas

The year is 2030. The AOC is now the Supreme Emperor of the United States and the Americas, and has successfully executed her forced feminization program, converting 72% of the us male population into women, the remaining 28% either existing peacefully as femboy subs or have fled the country, if they're lucky. All references to Dr. Seuss, Mr. Potatohead, and other such martyrs and thoughtcrimes will lead to prompt and inevitable cancellation by means of Jewish space laser. All statues of white people have been torn down and replaced with statues of AOC alongside Mao Zedong and Che Guevara, and the public has thus collectively forgotten about Robert E. Lee. The constitution has its 28th amendment, codifying mandatory cock and ball torture for all penis-having citizens no less than twice a week. It is illegal to say "Merry Christmas". Heterosexual relationships are strictly forbidden. Attack Helicopter, with pronouns brr/brrs, is a gender recognized on the official list of 93. The police have been almost entirely defunded, nationally having an annual budget of $5.30, enough for a single Big Mac Combo Meal. There is a new arm of the state, namely the "rape police" whose sole duty is functionally a secret task force to ensure all consent is affirmative and enthusiastic. All citizens must pledge allegiance to the LGBTQIA+ rainbow flag and swear oaths on White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo. All g*mers have been deported. Mexico is now the 53rd state, behind Puerto Rico and Washington DC. All bathrooms are gender-neutral. Marxism, the theory proposing the government do a lot of things, has become the official state ideology, including mandatory education on critical race theory beginning in pre-K. White people are second class citizens, guilty of being white, and all white people must publicly apologize on the behalf of their race as a coming-of-age ceremony at the beginning of pubescence. Facts now care about feelings. We will no longer be subjugated by AOC and her inner party, the Squad. The Culture War is not over. We will not be cancelled. We are the resista— radio static
March 2021

Daga Kotowaru (I refuse)

⣼⠀⠀⢻⠿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣟⣒⠶⠿⢿⣷⣷⣦⣟⣻⡿⠿⣷⣶⣭ ⠻⣄⢀⡤⠤⠴⠛⢦⣩⡭⠗⢺⡿⠯⠽⢿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣽⣟⣻⣿⣷⣶⣶⣦ ⠀⠹⣾⠁⣀⠀⠀⣊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⣀⣤⠴⠛⠉⢿⡓⠶⣯⣭⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⣿⡟⢹⢠⡞⣡⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣻⡋⠁⠀⠙⠻⣭⣟⡒⡲ ⠀⠀⣿⠶⠾⡟⣆⢰⡄⠀⣠⠔⠋⠁⡗⠀⢀⣠⠴⠚⣉⡳⠄⠀⣠⣾⠿⠈⠙⢓ ⠀⣰⣿⠁⢀⣙⢮⡳⣥⠞⠁⠘⠄⠀⣧⣶⣋⣥⢶⣻⡭⠿⣗⣴⡋⣟⣆⣠⠾⠋ ⠀⣧⣿⠼⣿⠛⢷⣿⣾⡇⠀⢠⡏⢉⣉⣥⣖⣋⠛⠦⢤⣀⠀⠀⡽⠸⣏⡀⢠⠋ ⠀⢳⣾⠀⠈⢩⢹⣿⡿⠁⠀⠁⠸⣄⠘⢯⣉⣉⣯⣿⣳⣮⠀⠘⣇⣠⡬⣺⣏⢣ ⠀⠈⣿⠀⠐⠀⢀⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠊⠓⠄⡉⢩⣭⠿⠀⠐⠒⡉⣯⠞⣧⢸⠈ ⣤⠤⣼⡇⠀⠀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡏⠀⢠⠇⠀⠀⡏⠀⢈⣤⡼ ⢠⠞⢉⣧⠀⠀⣇⠤⣦⣄⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡸⠁⡐⠛⠂⠀⢀⡟⣀⡾⠋⠁ ⠏⢠⡞⣿⢠⣶⣞⢷⠾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⢁⡜⠀⠀⠀⣔⣫⣾⡿⣧⠀⠀ ⢀⡟⠀⢻⣠⣿⡾⣭⣽⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡼⢡⠏⠀⠀⠀⢸⣧⡾⠋⠀⢼⡇⠀ ⢸⠁⠀⢸⡏⢣⣝⡛⠛⠻⠧⠀⠀⠀⢀⠚⠀⠋⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⢻⢳⢆⢀⣼⡇⠀ ⠸⡇⠀⠸⡇⠈⠌⠉⠙⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠍⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠏⢿⣾⣿⣰⣿⠎⣿⠦ ⠀⢹⡄⠀⣿⢐⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠆⣀⣠⠴⠖⠛⠉⠀⠀⢀⣤⢞⣵⠃⠀⠹⣇ ⢣⡀⠙⢦⡈⠓⠮⢤⣤⣤⣤⡶⠞⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⡤⠞⠋⡤⠜⠃⠀⠀⠤⠛
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January 2021

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

I downloaded Sonic games on my school computer

So yesterday in class we were all given our new Windows computers (last year, I hacked the chromebooks so they could play Sonic Advance) and I immediately downloaded twenty-five PC Sonic games within one hour and installed two dozen emulators to play the console and handheld ones. After we all got our computers, I bragged about having the ability to play 60 Sonic games. The teacher confisticated my computer and said I would have to use the chromebooks for the rest of the year. She also said that Sonic was a dead franchise and that Fortnite was better in every way. That was really no good and SLOW of her! So I ripped my computer out of my Sonic-hating teacher and screamed "YOU SLUTTY SLOW SONIC HATER! YOU'RE JUST TOO SLOW!" I also went to her macbook, and deleted Fortnite and installed more Sonic games and played Gotta Go Fast to the whole class. She gave me an F, which is impossible since E is the lowest rank and S is the highest, and sent me to the principal's office, where I was suspended and they called my parents, who took away my Game Gear. When I get back, I'll make sure they pay for being TOO SLOW.
July 2021

Endgame spoilers

twitchquotes: I just saw endgame, and it was pretty good, but there were a few weird things. I thought it was strange how the Russo Brothers decided to render Thanos’ erect penis in such vivid detail. The veins were so perfectly done I couldn’t even tell his cock wasn’t real. Another thing I found weird was when Black Panther broke the fourth wall and gave the audience the n-word pass. I did appreciate it, but it would feel more in place in a Deadpool movie. Overall, it was still excellent, but I think that they definitely need to reconsider some things.
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May 2019

Bro, you MASHING right now!

twitchquotes: Last night, I dreamt I was the head chef at an Italian restaurant, and a notoriously-picky food critic was waiting for his meal. I was terrified. His review would make or break my career as a chef. I spent an hour cooking up the best pasta I had ever made, and brought it out to his table. But the moment I came up to him, he turned to me and shouted "Bro, you MASHING right now!" I was stunned. It was NairoMK. I woke up in a cold sweat.
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November 2019
NairoMK

Super Smash Bros

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