[Copypasta] I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as an LGM-30 Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missile. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of delivering a W78 nuclear warhead with an explosive yield of 3x500 kilotons of TNT anywhere on the planet at Mach 23. People say to me that a person being a Minuteman III is impossible and I’m incredibly destructive but I don’t care. I’m having Air Force Global Strike Command install new three-stage solid-fuel rocket engines and give me an $86 billion upgrade on my 59 foot body. From now on I want you guys to call me "ICBM" and respect my right to be in service until at least the 2030s. If you can’t accept me you’re missileophobe and need to check your local AFB for missile silos. Thank you, and I'll see you in WW3.
twitch chat
May 2017

I sexually Identify as

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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I sexually identify as a Minecraft creeper

twitchquotes: I sexually identify as a Minecraft creeper. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of stalking people in the dead of the night, making an erotic hissing noise, and then spewing my particles all over them. People say to me that a person being a monster in a dying Swedish pixel game is impossible and I’m more autistic than a Fortnite default, but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a doctor fill me with gunpowder and implementing green and black pigments into my skin. From now on I want you guys to call me "Creepus Explodus” and respect my right to appear on retarded children's backpacks and sweaters. If you can’t accept me you’re a mob-phobe and need to check your entity privilege. Thank you all for being so understanding.
twitch chat
March 2019

I sexually Identify as

I sexually identify as You

Hi, my name is whatever yours is and I sexually identify as you. I use I/me/myself pronouns. If you’re wondering “Won’t that get you confused with me?” you are a transphobic bigot because I clearly stated that I identify as, and therefore am, you. By saying that I can get confused with you, you are implying that I am not you, and denying that I’m you is transphobic because you are denying my gender identity, and also your own because I am you. If you are now wondering “Doesn’t that make you also a transphobe?” then I will answer. No, it does not. ❤️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️
January 2021

I sexually Identify as

I sexually identify as a priest player

twitchquotes: I sexually identify as a priest player. Everyday I dream about flying into ranked games and conceding to rank 25 players. Call me retarded. I don't care. I'm beautiful. I'm getting plastic surgery to get my minions silenced for 2 mana. You can now refer to me as Anduinn and respect my right to concede on turn 1. If you can't accept me you're a holy-phobe and need to check your concede privileges. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
August 2016

Hearthstone

I sexually Identify as

I sexually Identify as an Elon Musk

I sexually Identify as an Elon Musk. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of implanting wires in monkey brains and being the supreme leader of Mars. People say to me that a person being a multi-billionaire CEO is impossible and I’m a fucking Twittard but I don’t care, I’m the richest man on Earth. I’m having a plastic surgeon install a Tesla HUD, StarLink terminal and a crypto mining rig on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Technoking of Tesla” and respect my right to manipulate dogecoin prices. If you can’t accept me you’re a muskophobe and need to check your unionized worker privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
April 2022

I sexually Identify as

I sexually Identify as your mom

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as your mom. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of cooking for your father and you and fuck your father and make you more sisters. People say to me that a person being your mom is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. im gonna marry your father. From now on I want you guys to call me " Mommy" and respect my right to cook food and fuck your father. If you can't accept me you're a mommyphobic and need to check if your mom is still alive. Thank you for being so understanding
twitch chat
September 2019

I sexually Identify as

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