[Copypasta] you are now manually breathing

twitchquotes: :) you are now manually breathing :) you are now manually blinking :) you are aware that your tongue cannot find a comfy place in your mouth :) you are aware of all the itches on your body that need to be scratched :)
twitch chat
July 2017
What happened to this ad? :(
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It starts with a surge of adrenaline

twitchquotes: It starts with a surge of adrenaline. Signals flood the nervous system. Pupils race back and forth behind closed eyelids. Then open. Now it’s up to you to decide what to do with it.
twitch chat
March 2019

Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter

I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter WEE WOO WEE WOO ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER! steps on stage Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!" Comedy God: "Heh..." adjusts fedora the building is filled with fear and anticipation God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense comedy god clears throat everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard world leaders look and wait with dread everything in the world stops nothing is happening comedy god smirks no one is prepared for what is going to happen comedy god musters all of this power he bellows out to the world "ATTACK" absolute suspense everyone is filled with overwhelming dread "HELICOPTER" all at once, absolute pandemonium commences all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once giant brawls start 43 wars are declared simultaneously a shockwave travels around the earth earth is driven into chaos humanity is regressed back to the stone age the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did people who aren't killed die from laughter literally the funniest joke in the world then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
August 2021

Classic

Endgame spoilers

twitchquotes: I just saw endgame, and it was pretty good, but there were a few weird things. I thought it was strange how the Russo Brothers decided to render Thanos’ erect penis in such vivid detail. The veins were so perfectly done I couldn’t even tell his cock wasn’t real. Another thing I found weird was when Black Panther broke the fourth wall and gave the audience the n-word pass. I did appreciate it, but it would feel more in place in a Deadpool movie. Overall, it was still excellent, but I think that they definitely need to reconsider some things.
twitch chat
May 2019

We wish you a Merry Krippmas

twitchquotes: Κ• Ν‘β—Š Νœβ—‰ Ν‘β—Š Κ” We wish you a Merry Krippmas, We wish you a Merry Krippmas, We wish you a Merry Krippmas and a Salty New Year. Good top-deckings to you, whereever you are, Good top-deckings for Krippmas, and a Salty New Year. Κ• Ν‘β—Š Νœβ—‰ Ν‘β—Š Κ”
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Roses are red, I'm flexing today

twitchquotes: πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚ roses are red πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚ violets are blue πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚ i'm flexing today πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚ why aren't you?? πŸ’ͺ πŸ˜‚
twitch chat
September 2017
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