twitchquotes:
π¬ π¨ come on chat. smoke with me.
π¬ π¨ come on chat. smoke with me.
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What happened to this ad? :(
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Why did I marry this angry bald internet man?
twitchquotes:
Itβs 11 p.m. and i've finally gotten comfortable in bed. It's been a long day and finally being able to get some rest is such a luxury. But my peace is soon broken as my husband shouts from the other room "OH COME ON! That was such BULLSHIT! Fucking highrolled AGAIN." Why did i do this to myself. Why did I marry this angry bald internet man? I haven't slept properly in months for his constant yelling throughout the night. God help me.
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Kripp
Captain Jean-Luc Picard facepalm
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There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist
There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
Sleeping naked is a power move anyways
Sleeping naked is a power move anyways.
β’ β Burglar breaks in boom Iβm up and naked. Heβs too distracted trying to determine if Iβm a man or woman because of my massive bush to notice me reaching for my glock fawty.
β β’ β When I pee or poop in my sleep from the nightmares I donβt get any clothes dirty just the sheets.
β’ β Save money on not having to run an AC in the summer time so I can buy my wife more lingerie for her boyfriend to appreciate.
