[Copypasta] Blizzard has been working hard on Diablo Immortal

twitchquotes: This chat is so ungrateful. Blizzard has been working so hard crunching hours to develop a new Diablo game for their long-term fans, giving it an extra Blizzard polish and publishing it on the world's most popular gaming console, Mobile, to enable many of their fans to be able to play. Yet these same "fans" demand a "better" game. How can a game be "better", when a game is a game? smh beta nerds these days.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

She sells seashells on a seashore, but the value of these shells will fall

She sells seashells on a seashore But the value of these shells will fall Due to the laws of supply and demand No one wants to buy shells 'cause there's loads on the sand Step 1: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island stockpile 'em high until they're rarer than a diamond Step 2: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin want 'em Hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven't got a shell then you're just a fucking waste man Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property, start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly ""Shells must sell"", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals they're a poor man's quality Four: expand, expand, expand, clear forest, make land, fresh blood on hand Five: why just shells? Why limit your self? She sells seashells, sell oil as well! Six: guns, sell stocks, sell diamonds, sell rocks, sell water to a fish, sell the time to a clock Seven: press on the gas, take your foot off the brakes, Run to be the president of the United States Eight: big smile mate, big wave that's great Now the truth is overrated, tell lies out the gate Nine: Polarize the people, controversy is the game It don't matter if they hate you if they all say your name Ten: the world is yours, step out on a stage to a round of applause You're a liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore And you sell seashells on the seashore.
August 2021

Unimpressed Squidward

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August 2021

This reddit sub is not funny

I have been in this shitty sub for almost a year and the humour here almost didn’t change at all. All of you here are so fucking unfunny it hurts to even open Reddit and see your “jokes” on my home page. The word 69 is not funny at ALL. 420 is also not funny. I know they are the sex and weed number but how is that funny at all? Do you just say “oh I’m almost about to get 69 karma haha funny”????? You’re not. Saying “penis” or when asked to say a joke “my life” isn’t fucking funny in any way. How is a whole group of teenagers SO UNFUNNY???? I used to have this type of “humour” for a bit (not that long so thank god) and after I realized how much it was being repeated I realized that you guys are embarrassing. No one out of Reddit likes or respects ANY of you. TIK TOK is funnier then here AND ALWAYS WILL BE. “So leave the sub” that won’t fix the sub though, will it? It hurts to see your “jokes”. Develop a sense of humor or just get out😐
May 2021

My attraction for Thijs is purely platonic

twitchquotes: My attraction for Thijs is purely platonic. I want to wake up and smell his hazel hair pressed up against my cheek, then get up and make a delicious breakfast for us before I go off to work. Then when I get home I will play Hearthstone with him until we fall asleep together, holding hands and whispering each other's name
twitch chat
January 2019
Thijs

Incel Revolutionary Party

twitchquotes: I am going to start a new party called "Incel Revolutionary Party" or "IRP". Almost all women will be taken into concentration camps and they get a handpicked incel boyfriend. The uglier the incel is, the better looking the girl is. Incels that are good looking will only get the fattest and ugliest girlfriends. Non-incels (infidels) will be taken into conversion camps and they will be forced to eat junk food, game all day, never go outside, and never work out. They will be converted to incels. Non-incel women that are against the forced girlfriend laws will also be converted into "incel-allies" by watching state-sponsored propaganda videos that are all about how sad incels are and how much they need girlfriends. There will also be some Chads, Brads and Tyrones that will not be converted into incels because the women who are incels (femcels) will not have to be a forced girlfriend. They will get a free boyfriend. If the chosen chads, brads and tyrones are against the laws, they will also be forced to watch propaganda videos about sad femcels are.
twitch chat
November 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing