[Copypasta] Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
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Kindred

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ascii art
January 2021

League of Legends

Amogus 700 years in the future

Imagine, 700 years in the future, through some last vestige of the internet kept in an underground server, a notification miraculously appears on your device (which has been preserved in nuclear dust from the 5th world war). One night, an alien working a late shift at the museum of archeology notices the cracked screen suddenly light up, and upon it, one word arises from the battered code: Amogus. They do not know what this word means. They ponder it deeply. They scour the ancient tomes, desperate to understand its mystifying origin. It drives them mad. Is it a primeval cipher? The motto of a bygone civilization? A message from God? Night after night they study it by candlelight. They flip through pages in books so old, the slightest cough would turn the paper to a fine off-white powder. The answer is nowhere to be found. And then they are struck by a revelation: I was not meant to know this word. Its esoteric nature escapes my grasp for a reason. What if its meaning is too enlightening to bear? With this revelation comes anger. Spite. Despair. Why shouldn't I understand it?! What cosmic forces are there at play to keep me from such knowledge?! In a fit of desperate rage, they shatter your device against a wall and exclaim, arms raised to the heavens: "This is literally 1984!" Silence... Their pleas are unanswered. Sadly, in the end, their inability to unlock the word's meaning drives them to suicide. Its secrets are never known. So I ask you this: is it better to die having never understood the true mind-bending nature of Amogus, or to be driven mad by the little spaceman in his blood-red suit? If you knew enlightenment would render you incapable of living on this mortal earth without making daily references to a game of space mafia, would you accept it? With knowledge comes power, but also endless suffering. Choose wisely, and be wary when standing at the edge of that great abyss we call "the Truth," lest you fall too deep.
March 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Le Boobhead has arrived

░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█ ░░█░░░░░░░▄░░░░░░░░█ ░█░░░(◐)░░▄█▄░░(◐)░░░░█ ░░▀█▄▄▄▄█▀░▀█▄▄▄▄▄█▀ ░░░░░░░░░░░▌░░░░▄███████▄ ░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐███████████▄ ░░░le░░░░░░▐░░░░▐█████████████▄ ░░boobhead░░░░▀▄░░░▐██████████████▄ ░░░░has░░░░░░░▀▄▄████████████████▄ ░░░arrived░░░░░░░░░░░█▀██████
ascii art
July 2017

Classic

Catten Eatarrian

twitchquotes: "This pasta is delicious, Rania," says Kripp as he receives his vegan foodie. Rania replies, "That's not pasta. It's cat." As the Kripp vomits in horror, Trump removes the Rania mask. "It seems you've catten Eatarrian."
twitch chat
June 2015
Kripp

Masculinity is now illegal

As of this morning 🌄, masculinity 💪🍆👀 is NO 🚫❌ LONGER 📏 LEGAL 🌍⚖. If you 👈 are masculine 👴, please 🙏🙇‍♂️ report 📄 to your 👈🏼 nearest 💞 Femboy 👗💁‍♂️ Education 🎓 Center 🏢✈, clean-shaven and wearing 👕👖👞 thigh-high socks 🧦. Those who fail 🚫 to follow 👣 these orders 📑🎁 WILL BE CANCELLED ❌🚷😡.
December 2020
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