[Copypasta] Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
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Kripp can't beat anyone

twitchquotes: My dad beats me FeelsBadMan My mom beats me FeelsBadMan My brother beats me FeelsBadMan My sister beats me FeelsBadMan At least I feel safe with Kripp, because he can't beat anyone FeelsGoodMan
twitch chat
September 2016
Kripp

Classic

Forgive English, I am Russia

forgive english, i am Russia. i come to study clothing and fashion at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American fashion and then we are kiss. We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i fock this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though. I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.
July 2014

KappaPride

Classic

TriHard salute

⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢿⠿⠿⠢⡈⠻⠿⢿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠳⣦⣌⣉⡛⠻⠿⠿⢏⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣁⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣻⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠈⠑⠢⢀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠈⠉⠋⠙⣿⣿⠉⠠⡲⣶⠢⠄⠄⠄⡄⢾⢛⣿⣯⢽⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠒ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣕⠘⠋⢸⡇⠈⠛⠿⢿⣷⣦⡀⠄⢀ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣆⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⡍⣀⣀⡰⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢯⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣧⠗⡚⠚⠄⠄⠙⢿⢟⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠁⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢼⡞⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣇⠄⠄⠤⠤⠴⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠳⣤⡤⠤⠶⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
November 2018

I Cri Evrytiem (Like This If You Cry Everytime)

Wun day, a boi n a gurl wer walkin w skool. Dey wer holdin handz and redy 2 seluhbrayt der 2 hour aniverssaree. Da gurl turnt 2 da boi n say "bbz, do u luv me 4ever?!" Da boi turnt 2 her n say "NO!" Da gurl wuz <3brokn n run away frum da boi. She run in2 da street n got hit by a car. Da boi run ovur 2 da gurl n hold her az she dyieng "I wuz gonna say, I luv u 5ever" Da boy den pull out hiz gat n shoot himself ded. As his bodee hit da assfalt, a bawks rolled of his poccet. A bootyful dimund ring wuz nside. Liek dis if u cry evrytiem
September 2021

do u think that yoshi gets embarrassed (Shakespearean English)

Dost thou ponder if yoshi's constitution becomes discombobulated whence eggs are excreted afore Mario's gaze? My sincere apologies if thy bristles were tussled, however I believe this to be quite amusing. And, I am curious to perview a charcoal etching of this event, if only for a rousing chuckle. I'm also perplexed whence trying to place what eldritch odor would arise. This is only for a gaff, a ruse, merriment per se, I would like to smell them.
April 2021
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