[Copypasta] Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
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My son won't stop using "TwitchSpeak?

My son (14) watches a lot of video game streamers on Twitch.tv. I personally don't find them entertaining but I can understand why some people (like my son) do. Over the past month he's starting using terms like "pog", "jabaited", and "Kappa" which I guess are terms that are used in the scope of Twitch. I don't have an issue with my son using these terms but it's gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. We were having dinner and my daughter (age 12) was talking about how she got accepted for a summer program with the local animal shelter, and my son said "Pog you, easy clap". I told him that it was getting out of hand and that he would have to communicate normally to his parents and family. To that he said "Weird champ, feels weird man, normies omega LOL." Until he learns to communicate like a normal human being I've blacklisted Twitch from the internet for the time being. He's hysterical now but I told him that I would unblacklist it if he stopped using twitchspeak, but he's refusing to stop so for now it's banned. AITA?
May 2019

Classic

Am I The Asshole?

In a forest in Canada a young boy named Kripp was born

twitchquotes: (◕‿◕✿) In a forest in Canada a young boy named Kripp was born. Every day he would dream of a better life, one with Spreadsheets and all the OJ he could drink. One day a magical Succubus came and whisked him away, she promised him glory, cats and best of all... Boobs. Now Kripp is dead. The End (◕‿◕✿)
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Chairarrian's message to Kripp

twitchquotes: Hᴇʏ Kʀɪᴘᴘ, ɪᴛs Cʜᴀɪʀᴀʀʀɪᴀɴ. I ᴄᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜɪs ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ, ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴏᴘ ᴜsɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴀʟʟʏ ᴠᴇʜɪᴄʟᴇ,ɪ ᴄᴀɴᴛ sᴛᴀɴᴅ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴅɪʀᴛɪᴇʀ.
twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp

I apologize, as my English is rather substandard

twitchquotes: I apologize, as my English is rather substandard At what whereabouts were you when the popular browser video game Club Penguin shut down? I was in mine place of residence, when my communications device informed me that someone wanted to contact me. "Club Penguin, the popular browser MMO has shut down." "I disagree"
twitch chat
January 2020

AITA For banning my sister from my wedding since she won't follow the dress code?

Hello Reddit UWU my name is fox chan nya~ 🦊 and this September I'm getting married (wiggles tail in excitement) 😍🐈🇷🇺 I'm getting married next week to my alpha horse wolf Shadow Senpai 🐴🐺🥰. The dress code is animal themed but my sister won't do it. She's Vagen😳 and thinks it's bad (cries cutely while Mozart's Symphony No. 40 in G minor plays)🎶🎼♫🎤 (eyes turn red like demon, but not like demon) I want to not invite her 😡😤🤬😈 AITA?
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

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