[Copypasta] Magic the Gathering Thought Erasure

twitchquotes: Yesterday, there was a Magic the Gathering tournament at my local hobby shop. My girlfriend decided to tag along and come support me. I ended up doing pretty poorly (1-3), but the hobby shop gave out a consolation prize of a random foiled uncommon card. The card that I received was called "Thought Erasure" and immediately held the card up to my girlfriend and said "AND I CAST THOUGHT ERASURE, BE GONE THOT!" as a joke, but said it pretty loudly. The shop is pretty small and a lot of people caught wind of my act and needless to say my girlfriend was very embarrassed. We're home now and she still hasn't spoken to me. I'm fucked boys.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

You will never be Japanese

You will never be Japanese. You have no ancestry, you have no citizenship, you have no skills that would make Japan ever want you. You are a shut-in self-hating white man twisted by delusions of mythical Japanese superiority and exposure to Japanese media into a disgusting mockery of nature’s perfection. All 'validation' you get from other people in this position couldn't be worse in making you believe that spending years of your life learning a globally useless language to a first-grader's level was a worthwhile use of your time, but one can't expect that an individual as pathetic as you will ever know the value of the youth you threw away in doing that. Actual Japanese are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of linguistic evolution have allowed natives to identify frauds from mannerisms and vocabulary alone. Even if your written text of self-hatred and attention begging akin to a stray dog's somehow passes as normal (it won't), any Japanese person will immediately cut all ties when they hear the voice and accent of someone who is not only a basic Japanese speaker at best, but worth no more than garbage in skills, accomplishments, and likeability. You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile and laugh to yourself believing that watching a content creator that you understand 20% of at best is somehow superior than watching your own kind, as you project your disgusting traits onto your entire kind. However, deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight, and you know that. You know that all you do now is have an entirely new linguistic medium in which to be ignored, and not even the exotic trait of being foreign makes up for just how uninteresting of a person you are. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a Western man is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably Caucasian. This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back. Hate yourself and apologize for being white to some Japanese entity that exists only in your mind while actual Japanese people put in effort to learn English for the valid reason of it being the global language.
April 2021

Weebs

Domo Kun

─────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄───────── ───────▄▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▄─────── β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β–„β–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–„ β–Œβ–’β–€β–„β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β–„β–€β–’β– β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–„β–„β–€β–€β–„β–„β–€β–€β–„β–„β–€β–„β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β– β–€β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–β–’β–’β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€ β”€β”€β–€β–„β–’β–’β–β–’β–’β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–’β–’β–„β–€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–„β–β–’β–’β–β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–„β–€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–β–„β–€β–„β–€β–€β–„β–„β–€β–€β–„β–„β–€β–€β–„β–Œβ–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–„β–€β–€β–„β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ ───────▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀────▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀───────
ascii art
September 2021

May the Fourth Emoji Pasta

May 2022

Holiday Emoji

Emoji Pasta

Holiday

I saw Flying Lotus at a grocery store

twitchquotes: I saw Flying Lotus at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, β€œOh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was β€œHuh?” but he kept cutting me off and going β€œhuh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like β€œSir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually β€œto prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
twitch chat
November 2019

RNGesus who art in Hearthstone

twitchquotes: RNGesus who art in Hearthstone, Random be thy game. Thy random come, Thy turn be done, on Azeroth as it is in Hearthstone. Give us this day our daily quest, and forgive us our misplays, as we forgive those who queue as hunter and lead us not into fatigue but deliver us from zero. For thine is the random, and the mulligan, and the topdeck, always yet never, Ameno.ο»Ώ
twitch chat
May 2016
Reynad

Hearthstone

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing