[Copypasta] Twitch Chat containment solution

twitchquotes: International efforts to contain the most toxic and dangerous internet dwellers have failed time and time again, until a secret organisation offered to build a prison for internet's worst scum. The project codenamed "Twitch Chat" pretending to be an addition to a livestreaming service has proven to be a very effective containment solution.
twitch chat
January 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

You toss and turn as Elon gently rubs your shoulders

You toss and turn as Elon gently rubs your shoulders. "You seem a little tense" says Elon, as you look at your bank account. Your phone shows $107 left to your name. You think to yourself while Elon rubs you down, you pull open Robin Hood, type in TSLA. Leaps $900 JAN 2023' are only $1 you can afford 1 leap. This is finally your chance to get rich, you'll be able to actually buy a Tesla. You ask Elon what the next Tesla will be. He says "U, for 'you'" as he smiles sweetly. You picture him dancing on stage explaining U S3XY to everyone multiple times as you smile back at him. All of a sudden Elon flips on the TV to CNBC to catch the tail end of Jim Cramer, you see a new law has been passed, "we believe options have inflated the markets into a bubble, we will be imposing a new rule next week only allowing accounts that qualify for day trades to also purchase options with a $25,000 barrier to entry." You start weeping aloud, you feel a caring hand wipe your tear away, it's Elon again, "what's wrong my little X'βˆšΟ€3?" Suddenly you wake, you're in a pool of sweat, at first you panic about the new options policy, then you're filled with relief realizing that options aren't restricted it was all a dream. You realize this was actually a vision to earn 200,000% gains to buy a TSLA leap. You log into RH, it welcomes you with your $107 balance, you plug in TSLA yolo 2023 @ $900 and realize the options are actually $20 each. The best you can do is $900 TSLA weekly expiring around Christmas. In a slight fit of despair you try to remember the feeling of Elon rubbing your cheek, and rub one out onto your stomach, then roll over back to sleep. A single tear rolls from your eye into your waifu pillow. YOLO you whisper.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I πŸ‘ bless πŸ™ the rains 🌧 down ⬇️ in Africa

twitchquotes: I πŸ‘ bless πŸ™ the rains 🌧 down ⬇️ in Africa 🌍I πŸ‘ bless πŸ™ the rains β˜” down ⬇️ in Africa 🌍(I πŸ‘ bless πŸ™ the rain 🌧)I πŸ‘ bless πŸ™ the rains β˜”down ⬇️ in Africa 🌍(I πŸ‘ bless πŸ™ the rain 🌧)I πŸ‘ bless πŸ™ the rains β˜” down ⬇️ in Africa 🌍I πŸ‘ bless πŸ™ the rains 🌧 down ⬇️ in Africa 🌍
twitch chat
September 2017

Kripp finally picks Pogo

twitchquotes: Dear Mr. Kripparian, thank you so much for finally picking Pogo! Ever since you picked Pogo, his grades have gone up, he finally got a girlfriend, and he's stopped masturbating all day in his bedroom. I was certain my little Pogo was going to end up a lifeless virgin loser for his entire life, but your kind actions have put Pogo on a path for success. Thank you, thank you, you have my sincerest gratitude. Much love, Pogo's mom.
twitch chat
June 2020
Kripp

Hearthstone

This guy's brofist is CRAZY

twitchquotes: β˜‘ This guy's brofist is CRAZY!” β˜‘ β€œMy knuckles can't win against a fist like that” β˜‘ "He NEEDED precisely those 2 fingers to win" β˜‘ β€œHe brofisted the only sub that could beat me” β˜‘ "He had the perfect fist β˜‘ β€œThere was nothing I could fist” β˜‘ β€œI fisted that perfectly”
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

This is why eSports will never...

twitchquotes: This is why eSports will never hit the general public as hard as for instance soccer. the way you kids are spamming this chat is just ruining the whole experience for a grown man. Seriously. Grow up.
twitch chat
August 2018

Classic

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing