[Copypasta] Twitch Chat containment solution

twitchquotes: International efforts to contain the most toxic and dangerous internet dwellers have failed time and time again, until a secret organisation offered to build a prison for internet's worst scum. The project codenamed "Twitch Chat" pretending to be an addition to a livestreaming service has proven to be a very effective containment solution.
twitch chat
January 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Sheldon says BAZINGA

"I've never been a fan of Internet Explorer" Crowd laughs nervously and a few grunts are heard from the back seats as people edge closer to hear the punchline. "Why not? Don't you like the internet?" The crowd suddenly stands up, aware that they are about to receive what they came for. People slowly edge closer to the set as Sheldon prepares for his next line. Sweat is clearly visible on his brow and his mouth is quivering in anticipation as he readies himself for what is about to happen. "I just prefer Firefox because, like the fox, I am cunning and nimble." The crowd suddenly surges forward as the words escape Sheldon's mouth. They are so powerful, they almost shake the very foundations of the CBS studios. He watches as, in what he perceives as slow motion, the crowd moves toward his fragile body. He has been preparing for this moment his whole life. This is his moment. This is his Emmy. This is his Golden Globe. This is even his Oscar. The crowd converges around him so quickly they ignore the trampled cries of Leonard and Penny, who now lie shaking on the floor, their bones crushed by the sheer mass of the crowd. Sheldon stares back at the eyes around him. What he sees are no longer people. What he sees is the human psyche stripped down to its core. Their lives, what they were before this moment has been forgotten. Ravenous. Hungry. They want one thing from him. Sheldon closes his eyes, clears his mind and relaxes his body. What happens next depends completely on the next few seconds. The time between this and what he mutters next feels like an eternity. Slowly, he opens his eyes. He looks at Leonard, then at Penny, both lying lifeless on the floor. Without a second thought, he says with resounding conviction... "BAZINGA" In a split second, the crowd pounces on his ready and waiting body. Man, woman, child all at once. Sheldon cries out in complete ecstasy as they consume his flesh. He stops suddenly, as he drifts into eternal slumber. Peace at last.
April 2021

Kripp's friend parrot is jealous

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, ᴛʜɪs ɪs ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴇsᴛ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴘᴀʀʀᴏᴛ. ɪ sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛ ɴᴇᴡ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴄᴀᴛ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴍʏ ʙᴇᴀᴋ ᴀᴄʜᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ғᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀ sʜɪᴠᴇʀ. ɪ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʀᴀɴɪᴀ sᴇxʏ ʙᴇᴅ sᴏᴜɴᴅ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ʜᴏᴍᴇ. ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɴᴏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ғʟᴀᴘᴘᴇʀɪɴᴏ ғᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀɪɴᴏ
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

Rudy Giuliani brings a plate of evidence

Holy shit. Rudy Giuliani came into the presser to bring me a plate of election fraud evidence and I literally screamed at him and hit the plate of evidence out of his hand. He started yelling "HEEEREEE'S KRAKEN!" at me and I cut the live feed on him. I’m so distressed right now I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to do that to Rudy but I’m literally in shock from the evidence tonight. I feel like I’m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can’t be happening. I’m having a fucking breakdown. I don’t want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want to Build Back Better™. I want Biden to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in Michigan???? This is so fucked.
November 2020

2020 US Election

I am going to donate this big bunch of salt to you!

twitchquotes: This is a very interesting stream Kripp, you always makes me feel better everyday when watching with your oh so sweet voice, i am therefore going to donate this big bunch of salt i saved for you! PJSalt PJSalt PJSalt PJSalt PJSalt PJSalt PJSalt PJSalt
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Starege

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠻⠛⠉⠉⠛⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⣠⡶⢶⣶⣄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣶⣶⣄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⣿⡇⢀⢻⣿⣷⡀⢰⣿⣿⠁⠈⣿⡇⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠟⢁⣀⣀⣀⡀⢿⡇⠘⣸⣿⣿⠁⢿⣿⣿⡘⠄⣿⠇⣀⣀⣀⣀⡉⠻⣿ ⡿⢃⣵⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⠈⠻⠿⣿⠿⢋⣄⡜⠿⣿⣿⡾⠋⢠⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡈ ⢁⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣧⡈⠓⠄⠄⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣦⣀⠄⠄⠄⠚⢁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣾⡿⢁⢶⣦⡈⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⡿⢋⣭⡍⠙⣿⣿ ⣿⠃⣾⣄⠻⣿⣦⣈⡛⠻⠿⢿⠿⢿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⣁⣴⣿⠏⣡⠄⢿⣿ ⠙⠂⠙⣿⣷⣄⡙⠛⠻⠿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠿⠿⠛⢋⣠⣾⡟⠄⠚⠛ ⣶⣤⡀⠄⠙⠻⠿⢷⣶⣦⣤⣤⣤⢤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣾⠿⠟⠋⠄⠄⢀⣠ ⠟⣛⣩⣴⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠈⠈⠉⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣐⣛⣻ ⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
September 2021

Pepe

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