twitchquotes:
Now little Jimmy what do you do if someone bullies you? "I-Ignore them?" Little Jimmy says. "NO!" His parent screams. The parent leans into his ear and whispers "Delete them..."
twitch chat
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
♿ IMAQTPIE COMING THROUGH ♿
twitchquotes:
♿ IMAQTPIE COMING THROUGH ♿
twitch chat
imaqtpie
I hate, hate, hate coffee culture
I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen.
When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place.
There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise.
And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work.
Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable.
And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts.
And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
Stroll in my local GameStop
stroll into my local GameStop
looking to pick up a copy of Binding of Isaac
grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register
"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."
she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves
her eyes widen as she reads the game's title
"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"
I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind
"Hahaha look at what this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of ♥♥♥♥!"
I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst
generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing
"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."
"♥♥♥♥ you ♥♥♥♥♥♥!"
I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them
"As you wish..."
I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react
he bellows and charges forward
I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter
I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back
"...requiescat in pace..."
As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers
"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?
"No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..."
I sheath my sword
"You're not my type."
skate away on my Heelys
Classic
Globglogabgalab
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠠⡄⢠⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣰⣿⢡⣶⣼⣿⡿⠋⠙⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣇⢋⠀⢻⡟⠐⠻⣇⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⣟⣛⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⠛⠛⣶⣾⣠⣅⣀⣽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡄⠀⣯⣭⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣦⢠⣿⡟⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣻⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⡟⣿⡿⠁⠀⢶⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠈⠁⢀⡤⣄⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣺⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⡀⣠⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⡓⣦⠀
⠀⠐⠋⠛⠉⠙⣿⣿⣯⡉⠉⠙⠳⢿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⡏⠁⠈⠉⠁⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣾⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀
weedie-chan
h-hewwo...owunce of weed pwease >///< arigato... dealer-kun puts weedie-chan in bong and inhales waaah!! (╯✧▽✧)╯ daisuki cannabis desu~! (^ ω ^ )uwaaa! weedie-chan i feel so kimochi!!(〃°ω°〃) hehe~ ur deep inside me now x3