twitchquotes:
Raise your hand to see if you are retarded or not β 
Raise your hand to see if you are retarded or not β
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More Copypastas
Impossible to be happy and sad at the same time
twitchquotes:
they say it's impossible to be happy & sad at the same time My wife told me i have the biggest d*ck out of all my brothers
they say it's impossible to be happy & sad at the same time My wife told me i have the biggest d*ck out of all my brothers
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Lying about service dogs
I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask;
βIs it a service dog?β
With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to.
If at first they say βnoβ I reply with βare you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?βwith another big wink
Always works.
I love dogs
I hate Reddit's new avatars
They look so incomprehensibly fucking STUPID. WHO CAME UP WITH THEM? I liked the old avatars, they were simple and friendly. Now every time, EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. TIME. I look at someone's username, I see this ugly little shit, an abomination. Makes me almost fucking VOMIT. THEY LOOK SO DAMN STUPID I'M FUCKING TIRED OF KT. IT LOOKS LIKE AN ALIEN HAD SEX WITH A COCKROACH, THEN WORE SOME UGLY SHIRT AND PANTS. THE REDDIT CREATURE DUDES ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE WEARING THIS STUPID ABOMINABLD SHIT. I HATE it. I want to BURN IT WITH FIRE. Sadly you can't burn JPGs. BUT EVERY TIME I SEE ONE IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY AT FUCKING SPEZ
Romanian Salt Baron
twitchquotes:
POLICE REPORT - Canadian Mounties have at last apprehended the "Romanian Salt Baron" after suspiciously salty whining was heard outside of a dingy apartment in Toronto. The Salt Baron, a morose, balding gypsy man, was at the time playing a children's card game when Mounties burst through the door. The man attempted to resist by "brofisting" the officials, but his scrawny vegan arms had no effect. The man's wife then assumed her true Succubus form and escaped into the Nether. More at 11.
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Kripp
Failed Tanner
twitchquotes:
So you're going by "moonmoon_ow" now buddy? Haha what's up cool guy, it's Tanner from Highschool. Remember me? I'm so sorry me and the guys gave you a hard time in school. My therapist says I was jealous of your big brain, lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the girl you had a crush on? We married but divorced this year. She took the dog. I'm unemployed and I drive the same mustang GT from senior year. I'm lucky if its starts. Things really changed huh? Could you loan me a sub?
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