twitchquotes:
My son 🙇was SO cute today, he asked me "dad are clouds candy?" I told him they were water. 💦 Then he asked "dad, what's Earth's defense system?" and then I remembered I don't have a son and he asked again his eyes now obsidian black "what is the defense system father"
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Asked for two beefy cholos at taco bell, I'm so embarrassed, I thought it was a menu item, instead two chefs came out from the back and massaged my prostate