twitchquotes:
I hate it when people type "xD" 
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AITA for drop kicking my 2 month old sister down the stairs?
Some backstory required: Earlier today I was trying to relax but she wouldn't stop fucking making annoying ass googoo gaga noises. So today, I see her, and she is actually standing up! First I think to take a picture and tell my parents, but than I remember what an entitled bitch she is. I run forward, and leap forward and plant both my feet in her face as we both tumble down the stairs. I told my parents that she crawked in front of me whilst I was about to use the stairs so I'm out of trouble, and the surgery went fine and she is basically fine although she seems to have fucking learned her lesson as she 'talks' a lot less now. Next time she does this I'm uppercutting her entitled little baby skull
Am I The Asshole?
Hello Miguel Santander, this is your cat, Mellow Cat
twitchquotes:
Hello Miguel Santander, this is your cat, Mellow Cat, I heard that you were complaining about my excesive meowing. I dont complain about having to hear you talk to yourself for 8 hours while playing that stupid game so I expect the same. Come here and feed me scrub 
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imaqtpie
This scallywag's deck be kookoo bananas!
twitchquotes:
୧༼ಠ益▀ ༽୨ “This scallywag's deck be kookoo bananas!” ☑ “Me deck can nae scourge tis deck!” ☑ “This swab needed precisely them cards to send me deck to Davey Jones’ locker.” ☑ “He top-pillaged th' only card on the high seas that could best me.” ☑ “Thar was naught I could do.” ☑ “I weathered that perfectly” ☑ ୧༼ಠ益▀ ༽୨
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Hearthstone
This Copypasta Is CRAZY!
That's the power of cargo pants
twitchquotes:
Excuse me? Cargo pants, motherfucker. My pockets have pockets. You can't stop the storage. And when it gets too hot, just unzip and remove the lower half of the legs. Utility, motherfuckers. Want me to hold your phone for a second? how about I hold one of every phone on the market, each with their own individual pocket. Want me to hold your souvenir from your vacation to Europe? How about I put Europe in my pocket. That's the power of cargo pants, motherfuckers
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Dex is Kripp's opponent
twitchquotes:
"My apologies" Kripp's opponent emotes as he casts fireball on Kripp, ending Kripps arena run. "That guy was so lucky! He curved out every turn, had every answer and topdecked lethal!" Kripp sighs and loads up another arena run. His opponent closes his laptop and thinks "What a scrub. And now for the cherry on top" as his opponent walks out from the other room goes up to Kripp and licks Kripp's arm. "Good doggie" Kripp says "Here's a treat for a good doggie".
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Kripp