[Copypasta] without throwing your cat across the room

twitchquotes: Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
November 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

How traders politely decline the second date

I discovered recently if I am on a date and I’m not that interested in a second, all I need to do is start talking about my stocks. They won’t ask for another one then, I won’t have to politely decline.
December 2021

WallStreetBets

Gregory, do you see the small vent on the floor?

Gregory, do you see the small vent on the floor? Have you ever heard of Among Us, Gregory? You need to vent. I know it will be hard for you to be sus, but i know you can do it Gregory.
January 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Five Nights at Freddy's

Complexities behind classical music

twitchquotes: Chat doesnt understand the complexities behind classical music. While most of chat spends their days spamming "Kappas" and such, I study music theory and the works of Bach and Mozart. Musical masterpieces such as these are not easy for the average person to comprehend, and certainly above those that chat.
twitch chat
July 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

Private photoshoot only for me

twitchquotes: ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴛʀᴜᴍᴘ. ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴀ ʙʀᴏᴀᴅᴄᴀsᴛ ɪ ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛᴀʟʟʏ sʜᴏᴡᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ᴅᴇsᴋᴛᴏᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ ғɪʟᴇ ɴᴀᴍᴇs "ʜᴀғᴜɴᴜᴅᴇs..." ɪ'ᴍ ᴅɪsɢᴜsᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴀssᴜᴍɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀғᴜ ɴᴜᴅᴇs. ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ʜᴀғᴜɴᴜᴅᴇsGONEWILD, ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇs ᴍᴏʀᴇ sᴘɪᴄʏ ᴠᴇʀsɪᴏɴ, ᴀ ᴘʀɪᴠᴀᴛᴇ ᴘʜᴏᴛᴏsʜᴏᴏᴛ ᴏɴʟʏ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ. ɢᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғᴀᴄᴛs ʀɪɢʜᴛ.
twitch chat
December 2014
Trump

I am not a simp.

twitchquotes: And I want to say this to the kings in the audience. I’ve made my mistakes in my chase for coochie. But in all of my years of chad life, I have never simped– never simped for a girl. I’ve earned every bit of cooch. And in all of my years of chad life, I have never paid for the meal. Because people have got to know whether or not I’m a simp. Well, I’m not a simp. I’ve never simped for any girl I’ve got. I am not a simp.
twitch chat
July 2020

Simps

Text-to-Speech Playing