[Copypasta] without throwing your cat across the room

twitchquotes: Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
November 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Quibi is shutting down

twitchquotes: Quibi is shutting down. What’s the fuckin point anymore? Now what am I supposed to do when I go to a restaurant and they tell me my table won’t be ready for another eight minutes? How am I supposed to pass those eight minutes using a cell phone and internet connection without quibi exclusive content only available on quibi? Where else can i get β€œquick bites” of content streaming directly to my mobile phone for viewing on the go? As if 2020 wasn’t bad enough now I can’t watch any more murder house flip, the show where they renovate houses where human beings have lost their lives at the hands of their loved ones and sell those houses to rich cosmopolitan couples looking to move out of the city? What’s the point? I for one am not β€œcontent” with the current state of the β€œcontent”
twitch chat
October 2020

I hate you

Mark, let me tell you something. Pay close attention to the text that I am about to write. An average human body has about 38 trillion cells. In each of these cells there is a spiral helix of DNA that, if stretched to its maximum, is about two meters long. DNA is one of the densest stores of information on the planet: a single gram of DNA stores about 700 terabytes of information. If we stretched out the 76 trillion meters of DNA in my body and recorded, character by character, the word "Hate" over and over and over again, this pile of information could not store the tiniest fraction of a trillionth of the hatred that I feel for you right now. Every drop of blood in my body cries out for your death. My very soul writhes in disgust. Your mere existence is a blasphemy and an affront to every possible virtue and quality that any rational being can possess. You are a deception to Satan himself.
August 2021

Your sorry excuse for a job

twitchquotes: Kripp, how does it feel that by me disabling adblock I control whether or not your sorry excuse for a job continues existing
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Trump gave Katie Kripp's MITHRIL ARMOR

twitchquotes: Hello "Kripp" ...or should I say COCKTAVIAN. Guess who? YEAH. It's KATIE. From HIGH SCHOOL. Ever since you left me to play this stupid game, me and Trump have decided to continue playing Runescape WITHOUT YOU. And guess what? He gave me your MITHRIL ARMOR. Have fun playing this stupid card game, JERK!.
twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp

Donkey Kong

β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–Œβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–’β–„β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β”€β”€ β”€β”€β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ”€β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€ β”€β”€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ”€β”€ β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–Œβ–‘β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–’β–ˆβ–‘β–β–β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β”€β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–ˆβ–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–ˆβ–‘β–β–β”€β”€β–„β–„β”€β–ˆβ”€β–„β–„β”€β”€β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–ˆβ–’β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–ˆβ–‘β–β–β–„β”€β–€β–€β”€β–ˆβ”€β–€β–€β”€β–„β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–ˆβ–’β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–’β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–Œβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–€β”€β–€β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–„β–ˆ β”€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€ β”€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β”€ β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ”€β”€β”€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€ β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€β”€
September 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing