[Copypasta] without throwing your cat across the room

twitchquotes: Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
November 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019

Unhappy Gordon Ramsey

⠁⡼⠋⠀⣆⠀⠀⣰⣿⣫⣾⢿⣿⣿⠍⢠⠠⠀⠀⢀⠰⢾⣺⣻⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀ ⣥⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠠⢻⢬⠁⣠⣾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠱⠏⡉⠙⣿⣿⡇⠀ ⢳⠀⢰⡖⠀⠀⠈⠀⣺⢰⣿⢻⣾⣶⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⣷⣼⡆⢸⣿⣧⠀ ⠈⠀⠜⠈⣀⣔⣦⢨⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣅⣼⠛⢹⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢋⡿⡿⣯⣭⡟⣟⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⡘⠀ ⡀⠐⠀⠀⠀⣿⣯⡿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣉⢽⣿⡆⠀⠀ ⢳⠀⠄⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠙⠉⠉⠉⠛⣻⢛⣿⠛⠃⠀⠐⠛⠻⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣾⠄⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠁⢀⠀⢀⡄⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⡠⣴⣎⣀⣠⣠⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣧⠀⣴⣄⣽⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣖⣶⣬⣾⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣿⣶⣈⡯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⣹⢧⣿⣿⣿⣄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀ ⠹⣿⣿⣧⢌⢽⣻⢿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣠⡘⠿⠟⠛⠛⠟⠛⣧⡈⠻⣾⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⠉⣷⡿⣽⠶⡾⢿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣤⣿⣷⣤⣤⣄⣄⣠⣼⡿⢷⢀⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣿⣷⠌⣈⣏⣝⠽⡿⣷⣾⣏⣀⣉⣉⣀⣀⣀⣠⣠⣄⡸⣾⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣰⡿⣿⣧⡐⠄⠱⣿⣺⣽⢟⣿⣿⢿⣿⣍⠉⢀⣀⣐⣼⣯⡗⠟⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣰⣿⠀⣿⣿⣴⡀⠂⠘⢹⣭⡂⡚⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⢿⡿⠿⢁⣴⣿⣷⣶⣦⣤
February 2022

Warrior vs warrior

twitchquotes: HEH, GREETINGS ResidentSleeper ARMOR UP ResidentSleeper ARMOR UP ResidentSleeper I can take the hit ResidentSleeper Welcome to the grand tournament ResidentSleeper TANK UP ResidentSleeper TANK UP ResidentSleeper I'M OUT OF CARDS
twitch chat
March 2016
Reynad

Hearthstone

xqcM emote

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⠋⠉⠄⠉⠉⠙⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠓⠢⠄ ⣺⣿⣿⣿⡿⠗⠚⠛⠛⠲⠶⠤⠤⠤⠼⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⢀⠤⠶⠖⠺⠿⣶⣷ ⣿⣿⣿⣯⣤⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⣀⡰⠖⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠸⣉⠄⢀⣃⣠⣶⡾⠋ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣡⣶⣶⣿⡿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣀⠄⠄ ⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣁⠄⠄⠈⠛⠻⠿⠟⠋⠈⠄⣼⣥⠄⠄⠈⠋⠉⠉⣽⡿⠿⢛⠇⠄ ⣧⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣄⣀⣄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣠⣤⣾⠃⠄⠄ ⣶⣌⣚⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⣫⣴⠆⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣌⣃⠈⠙⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠛⣼⣿⡋⣾⡇⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢟⡛⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⡶⣮⡵⢟⡂⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣩⣶⢂⣭⣭⣭⣴⣾⣿⣷⡝⣿⣿⠯⠭⠶⡽⢗⠿⠃⠄⠄⠄ ⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⡇⡇⠘⠓⠷⠾⠄⠗⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
May 2019
xQcOW

paul "scarra" walker

twitchquotes: Yesterday we lost a good man. I'm of course talking about Paul "Scarra" Walker. He was on his way home from raising his dongers when a drunk driver named Marcus "Dyrone" Hill crashed into him. Dyrone has now been placed into custody.
twitch chat
July 2014
Dyrus
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