[Copypasta] without throwing your cat across the room

twitchquotes: Hello this is Twitch staff. Unfortunately we have been notified that you have now reached 24 hours of stream time without throwing your cat across the room. As stated in our TOS, we require that all streamers must throw at least one pet a distance of 3 metres on camera in order to maintain the ability to stream. Failure to do so will result in your stream being disabled permanently. We will now unfortunately have to terminate your account. Thank you for your cooperation.
twitch chat
November 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I enjoy the Kar98k.

twitchquotes: I enjoy the Kar98k. It is my favorite weapon in PUBG. When I get a headshot, I think to myself ”yes”. When I get shot in the head, I think to myself ”no”.
twitch chat
January 2018

PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds

I wore a mask at Target today

I wore a mask at Target today. Three of my lungs collapsed as I got carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing in my own bacteria. A brave patriot wearing an Affliction shirt, a MAGA hat, and sweet wrap around sunglasses saved me by giving me CPR. I thanked him and asked if he was a doctor and he said "who needs doctors when we have our fellow Americans, the ones who are here legally I mean." I hugged him and threw my mask on the ground. The Star Spangled Banner played on the speaker system as everyone in the store ripped off their masks and threw them on the ground, chanting "down with communism!" God, Jesus, and all the angels looked down upon us from Heaven and clapped.
June 2020

Coronavirus

COVID

When a streamer complains it's seen as letting some steam out...

twitchquotes: Wʜᴇɴ ᴀ sᴛʀᴇᴀᴍᴇʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴀɪɴs ɪᴛ's sᴇᴇɴ ᴀs ʟᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ sᴏᴍᴇ sᴛᴇᴀᴍ ᴏᴜᴛ. Bᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ Kʀɪᴘᴘ sᴛʀᴀᴘs ᴀ 30150-ALQAIDA ʙᴏᴍʙᴠᴇsᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʙᴜɪʟᴛ ɪɴ ʀᴇᴍᴏᴛᴇ ᴅᴇᴛᴏɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ 15 ᴍᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴇxᴘʟᴏsɪᴏɴ ʀᴀᴅɪᴜs ᴏɴ ʜɪs ᴄʜᴇsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ʜɪs ᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ Bʟɪᴢᴢᴀʀᴅ HᴇᴀᴅQᴜᴀʀᴛᴇʀs ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ʜᴇ ʟᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴀ Pʏʀᴏʙʟᴀsᴛ... ʜᴇ's ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ sᴀʟᴛʏ?
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Riot's script for Worlds

twitchquotes: The year is 2046. Faker's mind has been uploaded to a robotic host. With SKT's 33rd World Championship victory, every champion in the game now has SKT skins. NA still hasn't reached semis, EU is still salty, and China continues to choke. Such is Riot's script.
twitch chat
October 2016

League of Legends

I declare with utter certainty that this one is in the bag

twitchquotes: FROM THE GHASTLY EYRIE I CAN SEE TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD, AND FROM THIS VANTAGE POINT I DECLARE WITH UTTER CERTAINTY THAT THIS ONE IS IN THE BAG!
twitch chat
January 2015
DotADeMoN
Text-to-Speech Playing