[Copypasta] Logan Paul Apology but I replace "apologize" with "cum"

I've made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and I don't expect to be forgiven. I'm simply here to cum. So what we came across that day on the woods was obviously unplanned and the reactions you saw on tape were raw, they were unfiltered. None of us knew how to react or how to feel. I should have never posted the video. I should have put the cameras down, and stopped recording what we were going through. There's a lot of things I should have done differently, but I didn't, and for that from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I want to cum to the internet, I want to cum to anyone who's seen the video, I want to cum to anyone who has been affected or touched by mental illness, or depression, or suicide. But, most importantly, I want to cum to the victim and his family. For, my fans, who are defending my actions, please don't, they do not deserve to be defended. The goal of my content is always to entertain, to push the boundaries, to be all inclusive and in the world I live in I share almost everything I do. The intent is never to be heartless, cruel, or malicious. Like I said, I made a huge mistake, I don't expect to be forgiven, I'm just here to cum. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm disappointed in myself, and I promise to be better. I will be better, thank you.
May 2022
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More Copypastas

your streams lately have really helped me

twitchquotes: hey [streamer], your streams lately have really helped me with my depression, bleakness, dejection, distress, sorrow, my car trouble, my 401k, my grades, my slimp dick, my underperforming AMD driver, the armenian genocide, the galloping campaign, the war in the vietnamese, oh god they are in the trees, the battle of antietam, the housing crisis of 2008, the bankruptcy of greece in 2015, the explosion of chernobyl, my late grandma denise
twitch chat
December 2020

Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? I’m 6.

This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

BatChest

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠚⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⠂⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠐⠂⠄⠐⠂⠙⠻⢿⠟⠛⠄⠒⠈⠄⠒⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⢀⣠⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣧⢀⣀⠄⢀⣆⣠⡀⠄⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣼⣿⣿⣜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡙⠉⠙⠋⠉⣹⣿⢿⡿⡿⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠘⠛⠑⠋⠄⣀⣀⣠⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠄⠈⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⢕⠠⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⣹⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠈⠂⠄⠛⠯⠥⠒⠁⠄⠄⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⡀⠄⠐⠄⢤⣤⢴⠚⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⣀⣀⠄⢀⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
October 2021

Emote

Investigating criminal codenamed Forsen

twitchquotes: ᴀᴛᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴡɪᴛᴄʜ ᴜsᴇʀs: ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴘᴏʟ ᴀɢᴇɴᴛ ɢɪɴᴏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ'ᴍ ʜᴇʀᴇ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛɪɢᴀᴛɪɴɢ sᴇʀɪᴀʟ ʀᴀᴘɪsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ sʏᴍᴘᴀᴛʜɪᴢᴇʀ ᴄᴏᴅᴇɴᴀᴍᴇᴅ ғᴏʀsᴇɴ. ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ʜᴇʟᴘ sᴘʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀᴡᴀʀᴇɴᴇss ᴏғ ᴛʜɪs ᴅᴀɴɢᴇʀᴏᴜs ᴄʀɪᴍɪɴᴀʟ.
twitch chat
January 2015
Forsen

I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday

Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
December 2020
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