[Copypasta] Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
April 2020

Classic

What happened to this ad? :(
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Not funny I didn't laugh

Not funny I didn't laugh. Your joke is so bad I would have preferred the joke went over my head and you gave up re-telling me the joke. To be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me. Not a chuckle, not a hehe, not even a subtle burst of air out of my esophagus. Science says before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but I didn't even feel the slightest twitch. 0/10 this joke is so bad I cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all. The amount of brain power you must have put into that joke has the potential to power every house on Earth. Get a personality and learn how to make jokes, read a book. I'm not saying this to be funny I genuinely mean it on how this is just bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy. You've single handedly killed humor and every comedic act on the planet. I'm so disappointed that society has failed as a whole in being able to teach you how to be funny. Honestly if I put in all my power and time to try and make your joke funny it would require Einstein himself to build a device to strap me into so I can be connected to the energy of a billion stars to do it, and even then all that joke would get from people is a subtle scuff. You're lucky I still have the slightest of empathy for you after telling that joke otherwise I would have committed every war crime in the book just to prevent you from attempting any humor ever again. We should put that joke in text books so future generations can be wary of becoming such an absolute comedic failure. Im disappointed, hurt, and outright offended that my precious time has been wasted in my brain understanding that joke. In the time that took I was planning on helping kids who have been orphaned, but because of that you've waisted my time explaining the obscene integrity of your terrible attempt at comedy. Now those kids are suffering without meals and there's nobody to blame but you. I hope you're happy with what you have done and I truly hope you can move on and learn from this piss poor attempt
September 2019

Classic

ASCENDED invisible spam

twitchquotes: ASCENDED invisible spam โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡โ€‡ โ€‡ โ€‡ PogChamp
twitch chat
March 2015

Classic

Doublelift Pony Roleplay Minecraft server

twitchquotes: hey, Doublelift! i'm an admin from PinkieCraft ๐ŸŒˆ, the pony roleplay Minecraft server that you play on! i wanted to personally extend my thank you for the 1000$ you donated to help keep our server alive! next time you log on we'll make sure to let me know and i'll make sure to get you that custom pony body you donated for! i regret to inform you, however, that we don't currently have a way to give you "20 foot horse cock" like you requested but we'll work on it thank you
twitch chat
December 2016
Doublelift

Classic

League of Legends

Babbling book is quickly becoming one of my favorite cards

twitchquotes: Babbling book is quickly becoming one of my favorite cards. It's just so positive and generous. Practically costs nothing at all at one mana you drop him on the board and that chill ass mofo gives you a spell to use later in the game. And you also get this adorable little 1/1 can ping things but usually is too harmless to be removed. But more than the BB is just so positive. It comes on the board like "do you want to cast a spell?" and I'm like "yeah BB i do want to cast a spell let's do this shit" and when he attacks he's like "SPELLS ARE FUN" and I'm like "yeah they are SO FUN." He doesn't say some bullshit macho shit like "I will destroy you" he's just like "nah spells are fun." And it looks so happy. I mean this is an inanimate object literally brought to life by magic. It understands it's life is a temporary magical gift and the dude is just fucking loving it. I mean look at his face he's just so happy. I am literally never sad when babbling book is on board. IDK if he's gonna make it into the metagame or not but for now he (or she) a pretty chill card
twitch chat
December 2016

Classic

Hearthstone

Hello, Kripparrian, this is your ass, Assarrian

twitchquotes: Hello, Kripparrian, this is your ass, Assarrian, with a humble request to stop talking out of me. I know it's fun to pretend like you have any idea what you're talking about, and to pull random statistics out of me to support whatever point you're awkwardly trying to make, but come on! I have a hard enough time dealing with the vegan garbage in your digestive tract! Do us both a favor and use your brain once in a while! Thanks! - Assarrian.
twitch chat
December 2017
Kripp

Classic

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