[Copypasta] Don't feel bad, I'm just better that you

twitchquotes: Don't feel bad, I'm just better that you. Every morning I wake up and wash my adderall down with GFUEL™️, I have a python script that uploads my gameplay directly to reddit and I have amassed over 3 million karma. I only have TTV in my name ironically but also I have a stream PogChamp. If my ping were lower I would literally never lose, my 80% headshot percentage (op included) always carries my team. Let's be honest LUL you will probably never be on my level because of my insane natural talent.
twitch chat
August 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Hello Michael Santana, this is your local tax officer

twitchquotes: Hello Michael Santana, this is your local tax officer. Your last reply as to why you haven't paid your taxes is unnacceptable. "I'll check it out later" and "You know how I get down" are NOT valid excuses. We are sending our men over RIGHT NOW to start repossessing your house.
twitch chat
November 2016
imaqtpie

“Ratio” shut up. Shut the fuck up

“Ratio” shut up. Shut the fuck up. Nobody cares! You’re gonna get the negative side of this ratio that you so care about. Shut the fuck up. I thought Reddit was bad enough but now it’s borrowing from Twitter. Nobody gives a shit about the like ratio, nobody gives a shit about your retarded comment. Take my advice and shut the fuck up!
July 2021

What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021

It's not gay with socks on

When I was 13 years old a buddy of mine tried to convince me to fool around. I wasn't into it, and he told me it's not gay if you're wearing socks. I didn't believe him, went home, and asked my dad. That's 'gentleman's gay', hardly gay at all. Don't see it much these days. The 50s were a different time. What were we to do? We were typical boarding school boys, rich with vigor, skin slick with drying sweat and gritty earth from a game of pigskin. At night our young, virile bodies filled the dorm with sweet-musky vapors, like game-meat stewed with apple and peppercorn. You'd awake in darkness to the hushed, melodic rhythm of two pairs of white tube socks, barely visible in moonlight, bouncing on the hardwood floor. The deep bond of male friendship played like a thousand different human instruments. The wet claps of skin on skin, the gentle thud of heads on backboards, frenzied cries in the throes of climax. Wilbur, so fat and soft like tapioca pudding. His breasts were so like the real thing, what we fantasized of our future wives. Unwilling, defenseless Wilbur, so slow and uncoordinated in the dark. 10 of us would glaze his bare, pink flesh like a giant raspberry danish. He once had the audacity to tell Headmaster Redford. But Redford was a Deerfield boy once, he understood. So he joined us on our midnight hog hunts. Through college and years after we'd find time here and there, away from the wives at a family lake house. But it's been decades now - the times have certainly changed. If you wanted to do something private with another man, in your socks, it wasn’t ‘gay’. It was just two men, celebrating each other's strength.
August 2021

Birds

⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣴⣶⣦⣍⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢏⣾⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢏⣾⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢻⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣬⣭⠻⣿⣀⣿⣿⣿⢟⣤⡙ ⣿⠟⣩⣬⣭⠻⣿⣀⣿⣿⣿⢟⣤⡙⢿⣷⣤⣒⠲⠶⢿⣘⣛⡛⠿⣿⣸⣿⣿ ⣷⣤⣒⠲⠶⢿⣘⣛⡛⠿⣿⣸⣿⣿⣷⣝⠿⣿⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⢹⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⠟⣠⣴⣶⣦⣍⠻⡼⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣠⣴⣶⣦⣍⠻⡼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⢏⣾⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣝⢿ ⣿⣿⣿⢏⣾⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣝⢿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣬⣭⠻⣿⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷ ⣿⠟⣩⣬⣭⠻⣿⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣷⣤⣒⠲⠶⢿⣘⣛⡛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⣤⣒⠲⠶⢿⣘⣛⡛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣷⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣍⠻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣍⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣁⡀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣁⡀⢀⣠⠄⣠⣶⣶⣿⣿⡗⣠⣴⣶⣦⣍⠻ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠶⠶⠶⠶⠾⠿⠁⢈⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⢏⣾⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡈⢉⣩⡭⠽⢛⣒⣒⣒⣈⣿⣿⠟⣩⣬⣭⠻⣿⣀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣉⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣒⠲⠶⢿⣘⣛⡛⠿⣿
January 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing