[Copypasta] Math is "mental abuse to humans"

twitchquotes: You know how some people say that math is “mental abuse to humans”? Well, lemme tell you one thing: “Math” is an abbreviation for “mathematics”, so you’re only looking at 36% of the whole thing. What does the other 64% stand for? It stands for “except mostly at truly intelligently cool students”! That means, if you think math is mentally abusing you, you’re not truly intelligent or cool! You’re dumb and lame! So the next time someone gives you the first 36% of this ridiculous acronym, give them the other 64%. Don’t forget to tell them that they suck at etymology.
twitch chat
October 2020

Classic

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Ebettle

twitchquotes: I was offered sex today, with a 21 year old girl. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of e-betting website to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ebettle, the best betting website on the internet. Now available for children.
twitch chat
March 2015

sellout

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Years of research

twitchquotes: Yeah, I’m a smash player. Along with that I know many things that most don’t know about these communities. Melee isn’t part of the actual smash community and I’m not saying that because I don’t like them. I’m saying that based off of years of research.
twitch chat
January 2019

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Super Smash Bros

Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
April 2020

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Born to be a Twitch channel mod

twitchquotes: You can say that I was born to be a Twitch channel mod. I catch a glimpse of copypasta, the adrenaline starts pumping. A whiff of drama, I snap into duty. My streamer calls for a chat ban, I erase that motherfucker from the history books of this channel. There is no !command I won’t code, no timeout I won’t give, no Twitch laws I won’t overlook, and no order I won’t obey to make my streamer happy. And if you become his problem, well, I’m sorry to say that I’ll become yours.
twitch chat
December 2019

MODS

Classic

This is Bob Ross communicating from beyond the grave

twitchquotes: CoolStoryBob Hi, this is Bob Ross communicating from beyond the grave. I dedicated my life to painting so that you brats could do something more productive with your lives than sitting on your *** playing your stupid Atari games all day. I don't appreciate you morons abusing my legacy and turning me into some childish meme that you can spam on your little MSM chat thing. Now go paint a mountain or something and don't you dare copypaste this. CoolStoryBob
twitch chat
October 2016
Bob Ross

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